


Fanatics

by todd_casil



Category: Invader Zim, jthm - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2018-11-02 04:39:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 60,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10937178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/todd_casil/pseuds/todd_casil





	1. Underground Classrooms part one

Zim yawns as he collapses at a desk. He quickly straightens his wig before the rest of the class starts filing in.  
Dib stretches his arms to the ceiling and sits in the desk next to him. They both yawn again and slump in their seats.  
“How come even though we saved the entire city- maybe the entire world- we still have to go to Skool?” Zim complains.  
“It’s not like you still have to go to Skool,” Dib points out.  
“Eh, it passes the time,” he shrugs.  
“Then don’t complain about it,” he scolds, “besides nobody knows we saved the city. And it’s probably better that way.”  
“Don’t be stupid. We’re heroes. We deserve some praise,” Zim snaps.  
“If we told everyone that we’re the reason most of the city got destroyed, they wouldn’t praise us; they’d kill us,” Dib argues.  
Zim tries to retort, but can’t think of anything to say. So he just scoffs.  
It’s been over two months since Zim, Dib, Gaz, Kio, and all of their friends saved the Earth from the Irken Armada. Other than the fact that Zim can never leave Earth, not much has actually changed. Zim and Dib have gotten much closer- much closer- but that’s pretty much it. They’re heroes, but everyone still treats them like losers; outcasts.  
And they still go to Skool.  
“Hey, did you guys hear?” Jessica asks. Zim’s antennae immediately perk up at the sound of gossip.  
“Hear what?” Melvin asks.  
“About the new kid,” she replies.  
“I heard about the new kid,” Poonchy exclaims, “I heard he’s some kind of genius.”  
“I heard he’s some kind of freak,” Aki says, “that he hasn’t gone to school in years.”  
“Oh, maybe he’s dangerous,” Carl smirks.  
“This new kid is challenging me for dominance,” Zim hisses.  
“I doubt that, Zim,” Dib comments, “besides, you don’t have much dominance in the first place.”  
The babbling stops abruptly as an unfamiliar person enters the classroom. He’s a short, thin boy with messily-combed black hair and large brown eyes. He’s wearing thick, gray shoes with a buckle, blue jeans, a dark purple shirt with a yellow tongue emoticon, and a black sweater over top. Hanging off his shoulder is a dark purple tote bag with a cute white skull on it.  
At first Zim and Dib aren’t even the least bit interested in this kid. That is until they notice him clutching a small, brown bear covered in stitches. Then they immediately recognize him.  
“Zuh-Zim,” Dib whispers, “it’s that kid… from Juh-Johnny’s house.”  
“Yeah,” Zim hisses, “why is he here?”  
The new kid’s eyes quickly scan the room before finally landing on a desk in the front, right next to Zim. He hesitates for a second before walking forward and sitting in it. He hangs his bag off the chair and rests his bear on the desk. Behind him, the class is quietly chattering to one another.  
“That’s him?” Brian asks.  
“He’s kind of cute,” Alex comments.  
“But what’s with the teddy bear?” Jessica scoffs.  
Little do they know, that teddy bear is the only reason the kid hasn’t lost his nerve and ran away. They can’t hear it, but he is currently encouraging him.  
“It’s okay, you’re doing fine,” Shmee says, “just keep breathing and don’t worry about anyone.”  
Squee takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.  
“Sitting in front is a good first step,” he points out, “it shows confidence.” Squee just rolls his eyes. “And, hey, those two boys next to you; aren’t they the same ones who came to the house that time, looking for Johnny’s help?”  
Squee quickly glances at them then nods.  
“You should talk to them.”  
Squee’s face twists with discomfort as he shakes his head.  
“Come on, why not? You could use some friends your own age. And they seem interested in you. They keep looking at you.”  
Squee glances at them again and immediately catches Zim and Dib staring at him. They quickly look away.  
Shmee smiles and motions for him to talk. But before Squee can muster up the nerve, the bell rings and the teacher walks in.  
“Good morning, class,” the chipper, pretty teacher chimes.  
Good morning, Miss Sweeties,” the class replies apathetically.  
“Welcome to a brand new Skool year,” she cheers, “and I am very happy to announce that we have a new student joining us. Yay! Would you like to introduce yourself?”  
Squee tenses up immediately, his shoulders shooting up and his mouth squeezing tight.  
“Easy,” Shmee coaxes, “breathe and just stand up, state your name and your hobby.”  
He takes a deep breath and stands up. “Muh-my name is Squee C. Uh, and I um really like wr-writing.”  
“Nice to you meet you, Squee,” Miss Sweeties smiles, “I am Miss Sweeties. Now, class, due to personal problems, Squee hasn’t been able to attend school for a few years. So I want you all to help him feel welcome.”  
“I knew he was a freak,” Aki whispers.  
Squee completely freezes, his heart hammering in his chest.  
“Okay, calm down,” Shmee orders, “don’t let their words bother you. Just sit down and relax.”  
Squee rests back in his chair and lets out a deep breath.  
“Alright, class, once again, welcome to a new Skool year,” Miss Sweeties chimes, “your official classes won’t start until tomorrow, so take this time to prepare.”  
The class immediately begins chattering to themselves. Dib glances around Zim to check out Squee. He’s all tensed up and staring at his teddy bear.  
“He looks like a scared puppy,” Dib comments.  
“Don’t let it fool you,” Zim hisses, “he’s just trying to trick us. He’s definitely some kind of beast of some sort.”  
“I’m not so sure, Zim.”  
“Well, he’s definitely not to be trusted.”  
Dib cocks his head, completely unsure.  
Meanwhile, Squee sighs and rubs his upset stomach. “Maybe this was a bad idea,” he mumbles.  
“You’re just a little nervous, which is understandable,” Shmee says, “but you made this choice knowing the consequences. You’ll be fine.”  
Squee smiles, thankful for his bear’s encouragement.  
Dib and Zim keep an eye on him for the rest of the class. Squee may not seem dangerous, but Zim thinks differently. As for Dib, he’s not sure, but there is something about the nervous boy that leaves him on edge.

Lunch in the cafeteria. Zim, Dib, and Gaz are sitting at a table together. The boys have spent the last few minutes complaining to her about Squee. She only half-listens as she plays on her Game Slave 3.  
“I don’t see what the big deal is. So he’s in your class. So what?” she shrugs.  
“So what?!” Dib exclaims, “do you remember who this kid is? He lives with a psycho and talks to his teddy bear!”  
“You believe in ghosts, vampires, and werewolves. You’re even dating an alien,” she points out, “so how can talking teddy bears be such a stretch?”  
“Talking teddy bears could be real, except he’s the only one who can hear it.”  
“So?”  
Dib stops, not sure what to retort. He never could win against his sister.  
“Why are you defending him?” Zim asks.  
“I just don’t think you should be judging him before you even know him. He’s probably not even as bad as you think, so you should just stop riding on it,” Gaz replies.  
“You know what Zim thinks? Zim thinks he’s following us,” he states suspiciously.  
“What?” she groans.  
“Think about it: out of all the schools in the city, he chooses this one. The one we go to,” he explains.  
“Hey, that makes sense,” Dib agrees.  
“You two are paranoid idiots. He probably had no idea you go to this school,” Gaz growls.  
“How do you know?” Zim challenges.  
She starts to snap back, but stops when she notices someone enter the cafeteria. She smirks and rests her Game Slave 3 on the table. “Let’s ask him. Hey, Squee!”  
“What?” Zim and Dib exclaim. They turn around to the cafeteria doors and watch in despair as they close behind Squee.  
“Squee, come sit with us,” Gaz demands as she waves to him.  
Squee hesitates and backs up a bit.  
“Go on,” Shmee urges.  
He takes a deep breath and walks forward. Dib and Zim groan as he sits next to Gaz.  
“Hello, Squee. Do you remember me?” she asks.  
“Your name is Gaz, right?” he questions, his voice quiet.  
“Right,” she nods and motions to Dib and Zim. “These two wanted me to ask you something.”  
“Oh, come on, Gaz. Don’t ask him,” Dib begs.  
“They want to know if you chose the Skool just cause they’re here,” she states, completely ignoring Dib.  
“No. I had no idea they were here,” Squee replies.  
“See?” Gaz snaps.  
“But you live in the South End, don’t you?” Dib asks, “so why this Skool?”  
“Well, I-I didn’t want to go to a school in the South End, so my friend, Devi, recommended this Skool,” Squee explains, his eyes staring at the table. “This is where she graduated.”  
“Miss Sweeties said you haven’t gone to school in a few years. Shouldn’t you be a few grades behind?” Dib questions.  
“Well, yes, but the Skool Board agreed to let me take the final exams for the last three years so I could be in my age group,” he replies.  
“And you passed them?” Zim exclaims with disbelief. “Those exams were tough, even for the great Zim.”  
“Nny and Shmee helped me study and they’re both really smart, so,” Squee shrugs.  
“What was your score?” Dib asks.  
“Over 90 percent correct for all three,” he replies.  
“Wow, you must be really smart,” Gaz comments.  
“I-I guess,” Squee mutters.  
An awkward silence hangs over the group. Squee’s not used to talking to strangers, especially ones his own age. His social ineptitude is kind of weighing heavy on the rest of the group. Not even Zim can find a way to break the ice.  
Squee reaches into his tote and pulls out a brown paper bag. He can’t help but smile as he thinks back to Devi, Tenna, and Nny making his lunch. They argued a lot and it made for a good show.  
“You’re a bag-luncher, huh,” Dib comments.  
“That’s not a bad idea,” Zim murmurs as he prods at the rock on his tray that is supposed to be mashed potatoes.  
Squee pulls out his sandwich and takes a big bite out of it. It’s the perfect ratio of meat, bread, and cheese. Those guys really know what they’re doing. It’s great. Nothing could ruin this moment-  
The bell rings, signalling the end of lunch.  
-except that.  
Squee quickly finishes off half his sandwich and sticks the rest back into his bag. He places Shmee on his head and follows Zim, Dib, and Gaz out of cafeteria. Gaz splits off to her class as the boys head to their lockers. Zim and Dib are right beside each other in the middle of a row, while Squee is on the end without any close neighbors. But he prefers it that way.  
Squee grabs one of his new textbooks and slips it into his bag. He closes his locker and starts to walk away, but a large, burly boy suddenly blocks his path.  
Squee’s eyes trail up the imposing figure. He’s at least two feet taller than him, and about three times as wide. He blinks at the ugly smirk glaring down at him.  
“Hey, new kid.”  
Meanwhile, a little ways down the hall, Dib and Zim grab their books and slam their lockers shut. They saunter down the hall side by side, shoulders just barely touching.  
“You know, I don’t think Squee is as bad as we thought,” Dib says.  
“Maybe. But there’s still something about him that makes me uneasy,” Zim growls.  
“It’s probably just our paranoia, like Gaz says,” he shrugs. Zim grunts in response.  
“Uh oh,” Dib mutters, stopping abruptly.  
“What’s wrong?” Zim asks.  
“Smacky’s with Squee,” Dib replies, “this can’t be good.”  
“Just leave it alone. It’s not our problem,” Zim grunts and starts to walk away. Dib, however, stays put.  
“What are you doing?” Zim asks.  
“I’m gonna go help him,” Dib states.  
“What? But there’s nothing you can do.”  
“I can try,” Dib retorts and marches forward.  
Zim stares after him in disbelief before jealousy explodes in his chest. He snarls and spins away, stomping off to class.  
“I heard you’re from the South End,” Smacky growls at Squee. “So what do you think you’re doing up here?”  
“Um, going to Skool?” Squee replies questionably.  
“So, what? You think you’re better than us? Just because you’re a South Ender who got into a North End school?” he snaps.  
“No. Actually I think the whole ‘South End’ and ‘North End’ thing is stupid,” Squee states, “we all still live in the same city.”  
“But this side is better,” Smacky snarls, “your side sucks. And you should just stay down there, South Ender.”  
A couple of the onlookers mutter in agreement.  
“I suppose we knew this was coming,” Shmee comments, “I’m just surprised it didn’t happen sooner.”  
“I’m gonna show you what we do to South Enders here in the North End,” Smacky snarls. Squee glances down at his large hands as he cracks his knuckles.  
“Whoa, Torque, hey!” Dib exclaims as he steps between the two. “You can’t just beat him up. He hasn’t done anything yet.”  
“He came to our North End Skool when he belongs in the South End,” Smacky barks, “he’s done enough. Now get out of the way, before I beat you up too.”  
Dib gulps and steps out of the way. “Sorry, Squee,” he whispers, “your best option is to just grit your teeth and hope it doesn’t hurt too bad.”  
“That all depends on whether or not he can hit me,” Squee says.  
“Huh?”  
Smacky swings his large first. Squee shoves Dib out of the way and easily sidesteps it. Smacky is surprised at first but quickly recovers and swings again. Squee dodges again, and he smashes his fists into the lockers.  
He exclaims in pain and steps back, holding his hand. He snarls and glares at Squee, who’s standing a few feet away, staring at him blankly.  
“You know, you’re a lot slower than Dillon or Krik,” he comments.  
Smacky growls, completely pissed off. He doesn’t know who Dillon or Krik is, but he stills hates being compared to anyone.  
He swings at Squee, but again he dodges. No matter how hard Smacky punches, Squee easily slides out of the way. And he moves so gracefully, smooth and elegant like the wind.  
Dib and the large group of bystanders watch with their jaws on the floor. Normally they’d be shouting ‘fight, fight, fight’ but they’re just too awestruck. Smacky can’t even lay a finger on Squee.  
Squee dodges Smacky yet again, his feet sliding across the smooth floor. He comes to a quick stop next to Dib. They look at each with surprise.  
Smacky snarls and charges them, his fist pulled back. Dib and Squee look at him before glancing at each other, sharing a quick, mutual agreement through their eye contact.  
They sidestep onto opposite sides of Smacky, successfully dodging him. Before Smacky can react, they stick out their legs and trip him. He exclaims with surprise as he hits the floor hard.  
Squee and Dib stop behind the downed Smacky. They look at each other and smile.  
Squee is the first to break their stare as he notices the other students scurrying away like mice. Dib soon catches on and looks around curiously. Is Smacky getting up? Does he want revenge?  
No. Something worse.  
A teacher from one of the lower grades is walking down the hallway. He stares at Smacky with surprise and worry. Smacky looks up at him, shooting him his saddest puppy dog look.  
“You two!” the teacher snaps at Dib and Squee. “Come with me!”  
“Wait, sir! It’s not what it looks likes,” Dib exclaims, “Torque attacked us. We were just defending ourselves.”  
“I don’t want your excuses,” he barks as he leads the boys down the hall by their arms. Squee glances back and sees Smacky glaring at him, a victorious grin on his face. Shmee snarls angrily.  
Dib and Squee are led down a dimly lit hallway to a foreboding office door, with a word on it that sends shivers down any students’ spine: Principal.  
The teacher holds the door open and Dib and Squee stumble in. The office is dark, the only light coming from the many TV screens lining the walls. In the middle of the room is a long table with cloaked men sitting around it. At the end of the table is the most superior of the men, stroking a cat-like creature and holding a remote.  
He points the remote at a monitor and constantly replays the scene of Dib and Squee tripping Smacky.  
“Fighting is not allowed in my Skool,” he states, his voice like nails scratching chalk boards. “We have a zero tolerance policy, in fact. No matter who you are, we must punish you the same as anyone else.”  
“Please, sir, you don’t understand! If you’ll just rewind the tape a few more seconds,” Dib insists.  
“Silence!” The Principal barks.  
Dib winces and looks at Squee. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”  
“Nothing I say will save us,” Squee mutters, “these people see only what they want to see and ignore everything else.”  
“Squee C. I know you only just started here but that is no excuse,” The Principal says as he rests the remote on the table. “We must make an example of you. You both shall be transferred to the Underground Classrooms, effective immediately.”  
He slams his finger on a large, red button.  
“Wait, what?” Dib exclaims. The floor suddenly disappears underneath their feet. Dib and Squee scream as they plummet from the office and into the darkness below.


	2. Underground Classrooms part two

A few hours earlier  
Johnny pulls the car up to the curb outside the High Skool. He leans against the steering wheel and glares at all the kids walking in.  
“High School: where evil is born.”  
“I thought that was the mall,” Squee says.  
“No, that’s where evil hangs out,” he states.  
Squee clutches Shmee to his chest as he stares at the imposing building.  
“You can still back out if you want,” Nny points out, “there’s nothing those government zombies can’t teach you that I can’t teach you.”  
“I know,” Squee nods, “but I think it’d be good for me to get a diploma and stuff.”  
Devi smiles and reaches over the seat, giving Squee’s shoulder a squeeze. “I’m proud of you, Squeakers. You’ll be okay. Skool isn’t as bad as you think.”  
Johnny growls and glares at the girls in the backseat. “What are you two doing in here anyway?”  
“Supporting Squee. We’re proud of him for going back to school,” Tenna replies.  
“Yeah, and besides I need a ride to work,” Devi adds.  
“Why can’t you take your car?” Johnny asks.  
“I’m already in your car,” she replies.  
He groans and slams his head on the steering wheel. Squee laughs and steps out of the car.  
“I’ll be here to pick you up around 3,” Johnny says.  
“Thanks. See you, guys,” Squee smiles and waves to them as he closes the door.  
Their banter has calmed him down, but he’s still really nervous. Still he can’t just give up before trying. So he steels his nerves and walks into the Skool. Honestly, how bad can it really be?

“Squee. Squee, wake up.”  
Squee’s eyes blink open. He rubs his aching head and sits up. Resting right beside him is Shmee, his white eyes full of worry.  
“Good, you’re awake,” he sighs.  
“Shmee? Where are we?” Squee asks.  
“I’m not sure. But it’s not natural,” Shmee replies.  
“Where’s Dib?”  
Shmee points a little ways into the dark room with his stubby arm. Squee picks him up and stumbles cautiously in that direction. His eyes have quickly adjusted to the darkness so he notices Dib right away.  
“Dib, are you okay?” he asks as he helps the boy to his feet.  
“Yeah, I think so,” Dib replies and looks around. “Where are we?”  
“I’m not sure. I can’t make out anything.”  
As Dib straightens his glasses, he suddenly remembers the events that occurred minutes- hours?- before.  
“The Underground Classrooms!” he exclaims.  
“What?” Squee questions, startled.  
“We must be in the Underground Classrooms,” he clarifies.  
“What are the Underground Classrooms?” Squee asks.  
“I don’t really know. I’ve heard stories but they were vague, nothing but rumours,” Dib replies. He looks around and growls, “I wish it wasn’t so dark in here.”  
“Hang on. I think I have a flashlight in my- my bag!” Squee exclaims as he feels around his waist and shoulder. “I lost my bag! I must’ve dropped it when I fell!”  
“Is that it?” Dib asks as he points at a small mound.  
Squee picks it up and groans, “aw, jeez. All of my stuff fell out.”  
“Alright, I’ll help you out,” Dib sighs.  
The boys feel along the floor, picking up all of the contents of Squee’s bag, mostly notebooks and a couple hundred pens.  
“Why do you have so many books?” Dib asks.  
“I’m a writer. Those books hold all of my stories,” Squee replies.  
“Oh, I found the flashlight,” Dib exclaims as he grabs the small torch. He turns it on and shines it around the room. It’s completely plain and empty without a single piece of furniture except for the worn out ‘Welcome’ sigh hanging over a large doorway.  
“There’s the way out. Come on, let’s go,” Dib demands.  
“Hang on. I found my lunch,” Squee mutters as he picks up the paper bag. He flips it open and peeks inside.  
Dib comes to an abrupt stop at the sound of mumbling outside. The flashlight illuminates a small group of people as they enter the room. Dib’s danger senses start going haywire.  
“Uh, Squee?” he whimpers as the group groans and shuffles towards them.  
Squee looks up and squeaks at the sight of the seemingly undead. They stumble right past Dib and head straight towards him.  
One of them sticks out his hand and growls, “food.”  
Squee whimpers as the fingers get closer to his face.  
“No!” a girl exclaims and tackles the boy to the ground.  
“Get off of me, Amanda!” he shouts.  
“No way! I’m not letting you have all that food!” she snaps as she holds him to the ground.  
“That’s cause it’s mine!” another boy yells victoriously as he grabs the paper bag from Squee’s hands. He jumps to his feet and stands next to Dib. They watch the display before them with surprise.  
They’re not a group of zombies; they’re a group of teenagers! They snap and claw at each other, each trying to get into Squee’s lunch but none are really successful.  
A second beam of light suddenly points at the group. Squee and Dib turn to the doorway as another kid walks in, holding a flashlight.  
“What the hell are you guys doing?” he sighs.  
“This bag has real food but nobody’s sharing,” one of the boys says.  
“I’m not going to share. I called it,” another boy snaps.  
“There are no ‘dibs’ down here,” a girl barks.  
“Honestly, you guys. You’re not making a very good impression,” the boy with the flashlight scolds.  
“First impression?” another girl questions. He sighs and points at Squee and Dib.  
“Oh, hey. I didn’t even notice them,” another boy exclaims.  
“You never notice anything,” a girl snaps.  
“You didn’t notice them either,” he retorts and they start fighting over the lunch again.  
The boy with a flashlight lets out an exasperated sigh and stomps into the room. He reaches into the squabbling group and pulls out the lunch bag. “You guys are hopeless. None of you get to eat.”  
“Aw,” they whine.  
He walks over to the boys and hands the bag back to Squee. “I’m sorry about them. You must be pretty freaked out, huh? Don’t worry, you’ll get used to them.”  
“Who are you?” Dib asks.  
“Oh, right. I’m-.”  
“Pepito?” Squee questions.  
“Yeah, how did- wait, Todd?”  
Squee smiles uncomfortably at the sound of his old name. “It’s Squee now.”  
“Ah, right, right,” Pepito smiles, his fangs glowing from the beam of the flashlight. “I’m glad to see you’re okay. And so sorry to see you down here.”  
Squee’s smile softens. “Yeah, me too. What happened to you anyway?”  
“I started going to this Skool last year, but on my second day I got into a fight with this douche, Torque Smacky,” he explains, “I didn’t start it but I still got punished and sent down here.”  
“That same thing happened to us,” Squee exclaims.  
“Really,” Pepito mutters suspiciously.  
“Hey, Pepito!” one of the boys snap, “quit talking to that kid and give us that food.”  
Pepito snarls at him and sighs, “I’m sorry about them. But we haven’t had a decent meal in a long time.”  
“I wouldn’t mind giving it to them,” Squee says, “but only if they act dignified.”  
Pepito looks back at the group. “Can you guys handle that?”  
They grumble uncertainly but otherwise agree.  
“Come on, we’ll retire to the classroom first. Follow me,” Pepito smiles and leads the boys out of the room and down a dark hall. The rest of the group follows close behind.  
The halls are dimly lit, the only lighting coming from some kind of odd fungus sticking to the dirt walls and ceiling. But the tunnels are brittle, with little specks falling to the ground.  
The group follows Pepito into another dark room that resembles a classroom. There are desks and a blackboard but no teachers or any sign that a lesson has ever taken place here.  
The group fans out and sits in separate desks. Squee and Dib sit with Pepito on the teacher’s desk at the front of the room.  
Squee hands Pepito his lunch and he distributes it equally to the kids. There aren’t many, only five. And they all look about the same age.  
After all the food has been distributed, Pepito digs around in the desk and pulls out a candlestick. He points at the wick and it lights up into a nice, bright flame.  
He rests the candle in a holder between him and Squee and smiles.  
Dib examines Pepito in the light of the candle. He notices the little silver horns poking through his black hair, the red eyes, the sharp fangs and his paranormal senses start going nuts.  
“What are you?” he asks plainly.  
Pepito looks at him and smirks, “you really wanna know?”  
“That’s probably why he asked,” Squee mutters.  
“Well, you’re obviously not human,” Dib states.  
“Very good. A lot of people don’t notice that,” he praises.  
“Yeah, well, a lot of people are clueless. So what are you?”  
“Alright, but keep in mind: once I tell you, I can’t un-tell you.”  
“Just tell me,” Dib demands, annoyed.  
“Okay. I’m-.”  
“He’s the antichrist!” one of the boys exclaim.  
“Jones! I wanted to tell him,” Pepito whines.  
“So they all know?” Squee asks.  
“Well, I had no reason to hide it,” he shrugs, “plus they noticed I was different from regular humans, so.”  
“The antichrist? Like the son of the Devil?” Dib asks.  
“Yeah,” Pepito replies.  
“So then, the Devil and God and all that stuff, those are real?”  
“Well, that’s really for you to decide. Some people can look the Devil in the eye and still deny his existence. It all depends on your beliefs,” Pepito explains, “but let’s save the religious banter for later.”  
“So, what exactly is this place?” Squee asks.  
“The Underground Classrooms: a system of tunnels underneath the Skool and most likely parts beyond,” he replies, “despite the name, it’s more like an underground prison for students who break the rules. Anyone who gets into a fight or arrives late to class, etcetera, are sent down here never to return. But there’s a catch.”  
“While all the students here did break the rules one way or another, upon further investigation it is obvious that they never instigated it. It was never really their fault,” he explains, “but did the teachers listen? No. Even though there are hundreds of surveillance cameras around the Skool, they only focus on the part where we broke the rules, not the reason for it or what started it.”  
“They only see what they want to see and ignore everything else,” Squee mutters.  
“Wait, ‘never to return’?” Dib exclaims, “so we’re stuck down here?”  
“Unfortunately, yes. We are never allowed to leave,” Pepito nods, “not for weekends, not for holidays. Never.”  
“But don’t people get suspicious?” he asks.  
“Well, sure. When they first went missing, parents looked for them, but they never suspected the Skool,” he replies, “school is supposed to be a safe haven for children. Nobody would- or wants to- believe that the Skool is trapping their kids in a prison. And since barely anyone even knows the Underground Classrooms exists, people eventually run out of leads. Soon they just give up.” He sighs sadly and stares at the floor.  
“Pepito?” Squee questions.  
He looks up and clears his throat, quickly regaining his composure. “Anyway, none of us know where the entrance is, or if there even is one. So we have no way of escaping.”  
“But it’s not such a bad life,” he adds quickly, “we get fed daily- even though it’s only leftovers from the cafeteria- we all have our own beds- but we do share a room- and we can go anywhere we want in the tunnels- but only in the daytime… and if you watch out for the guards.”  
“So we’re trapped here unfairly and we’re never allowed to leave,” Squee clarifies, “sounds a lot like the mental hospital.”  
“Mental hospital?” Dib questions.  
“And I have a theory as to why we’re all here,” one of the boys announces.  
“No one wants to hear about your conspiracy theories, Kyle,” one of the girls snaps.  
“Shut up, Amanda. No one asked you,” he barks.  
“Oh, I love a good conspiracy theory,” Dib purrs.  
“Great,” he chimes and bows before the boys. He’s got short, messy brown hair and matching eyes covered by a pair of black glasses. “I am Kyle.”  
“Dib.”  
“Squee.”  
“So what’s your theory?” Dib asks.  
“Okay, so everyone here all have something in common: we’re all here unfairly. We were falsely accused. But not just that,” Kyle explains excitedly, “we were all great students. We arrived to Skool on time, did our homework, passed our tests. Except for maybe Pepito.”  
“How would you know?” Pepito snaps.  
“I feel it’s a lucky guess,” Kyle shrugs, “anyway, like I said, we were all good students. Until we had one little hiccup –came in late, didn’t finish our homework, got into a fight- that ruined our lives and worst of all, our rep.”  
“That one hiccup sent us down here, even though the actual reason remained unpunished. In your case, it would be Torque Smacky.”  
“Right. So what’s your point?” Squee asks.  
“This! The Principal is sending all of his good student to the Underground Classrooms, but to save face he can’t just punish students at random. So he waits until they slip up, then turns it into a big deal,” Kyle explains, “why? So the Skool will be full of nothing but strong, mean students. I think you know where I’m going with this.”  
Squee and Dib cock their heads, confused.  
“Kyle, no one ever knows where you’re going with anything,” Pepito grunts.  
“Shut up. What I’m saying is obvious,” he snaps, “The Principal wants to make a child army of the meanest children at his disposal!”  
Dib and Squee blink blankly.  
“You talk a lot,” Squee states.  
“He may have a point though,” Dib says, “The Principal must be up to something if he’s sending all the good students to the Underground Classrooms. I mean, he has surveillance cameras everywhere, he must see what’s really going on.  
He straightens his glasses and growls, “I can’t stay here.”  
“What?” the class exclaims.  
“I can’t stay here. The world needs me too much,” he declares as he jumps to his feet. “I can’t save the Earth underground.”  
“Save the Earth? From what?” one of the boys asks.  
“Monsters, aliens. Anything that may put the world in danger,” Dib replies, “it is my duty.”  
“Monsters? Aliens? Those are real?” Amanda asks.  
“Yes. Though I don’t expect you to believe me,” he growls.  
“No, I believe you,” she states.  
Dib blinks, surprised.  
“I always knew they were real,” Kyle squeals.  
“You… really believe me?” Dib asks in disbelief.  
“When you spend as much time down here as we do, you start believing in anything,” the other girl mutters.  
“Especially when you see something like the Guard Dog,” a boy whimpers.  
The entire class shudders simultaneously, even Pepito.  
Squee stares at the ground, squeezing and unsqueezing Shmee. Finally he steels his nerves and mutters, “I can’t stay here either.”  
Everyone looks at him with surprise.  
“I was in prison once. I don’t want to go through that again,” he mutters, “not when I’m finally happy.”  
Pepito stares at him. It’s amazing how much he’s changed in the last three years. He still clings to his teddy bear- which is understandable- but there’s a fire in his eyes that wasn’t there before.  
Pepito smirks and nods, “I’m in.”  
“What?” the class exclaims.  
“Squee and Dib are right. We don’t have to stay here,” he growls, “let’s bust out of here and show The Principal and his associates that we are not his prisoners!”  
The class cheers and jumps to their feet. Dib and Squee smile as they solidify their resolve to bust out. It’ll be much easier to break out now. And nothing’s going to stop them.  
They spend the next hour or so getting to know the members of their crack team. Including Pepito, there are six of them and they’re all in their mid-teens.  
Kyle is sixteen. He was a great student, always passed his assignments and was never late. But then one day the bike he always rode to Skool got a flat tire and he was an hour late. So he got sent down here.  
Amanda is fifteen. She’s a really pretty girl with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She was also an amazing student. She never failed a class since Kindergarten. But then she got into a fight with this girl who claimed she stole her boyfriend. So she got sent down here.  
Carmen is sixteen. She’s also really pretty with brown hair tied into pigtails and green eyes. She was an average student but was really nice to everyone. She had lots of friends and was really well liked. But she failed a couple tests. So she was sent down here.  
Jones is seventeen, making him the oldest of the group. He’s a tall, good looking young man with dark skin, brown eyes, and short, messy black hair. He also speaks a lot of street, but somehow he pulls it off. Like Carmen he was an average student but he was nice and respected by everyone. One day he got into a fight with a bully who was picking on a younger kid. So he got sent down here.  
Finally, Nathan is fourteen. He used to be the youngest of the group before Pepito showed up. He’s got short brown hair and soft, brown eyes. It’s obvious from his looks and personality that he was a good student. His situation is a lot like Squee and Dib’s because he was actually the student Jones was protecting from the bully. So they both got sent down here for a fight they didn’t initiate.  
“Alright, everyone, pay attention,” Pepito demands. He’s drawing up a list on the chalk board. Everyone sits at a desk and listens closely.  
“Every plan needs facts if it is to work out. So here’s what we know about the Underground Classroom.” He taps the first fact on the list. “We are the only students here. This makes it easier because we don’t have to worry about looking for others.”  
“It makes sense. The Principal only targets extraordinary students,” Dib says, “average students living their average lives wouldn’t be sent down here.”  
“Second: students are allowed to roam the halls but only during the daytime,” Pepito explains, “however there are some off-limit hallways that are heavily guarded.”  
“Third: the teachers usually leave us alone unless we break the rules. But since this is a prison break, we’re gonna want to avoid them.”  
“Teachers?” Squee questions.  
“The guards. We call them teachers for the sake of symmetry,” Nathan replies.  
“They only patrol during the daytime though,” Pepito adds, “because at night the Guard Dog comes out.”  
Again, the whole class shudders.  
“What’s the Guard Dog?” Squee asks nervously.  
“Hopefully you won’t find out,” Kyle mutters.  
“Moving on,” Pepito snaps, “we have the final fact. As far as we know, there is no way out.”  
Everybody blinks before sighing miserably.  
“You’re very optimistic,” Dib comments sarcastically.  
“Look, I said ‘as far as we know’,” Pepito says, “because none of us have been down the off-limit hallways.”  
“You think that’s where the way out is?” Carmen asks.  
“I’m sure of it.”  
“But, yo, there’s like five of them hallways. How do we know which one has the entrance?” Jones asks.  
“Maybe they all do,” Nathan suggests.  
“No,” Squee disagrees, “there’s probably only one entrance. The other hallways are most likely bluffs to mess with us.”  
“The Principal is tricky that way,” Pepito nods.  
“But how we do figure out which one is the entrance?” Amanda asks.  
“Oh, if only we had some form of contact with the outside world. Then we might be able to get some help,” Dib groans.  
“I have my cell phone,” Squee says as he pulls his phone out of his pocket.  
“Cell phones are prohibited in Skool,” Dib points out.  
“When you’re as paranoid and delusional as I am, it’s best to have it around,” Squee shrugs.  
“Well, fortunately for us,” Dib smirks as he takes the phone. “Zim doesn’t follow the rules either.”  
He dials the number and puts it on speaker phone. Everyone squeezes in to listen.


	3. Underground Classrooms part three

Zim wanders tirelessly around the Skool, Gaz following close behind. Dib’s been missing for over an hour. Where is he?  
“What kind of boyfriend leaves behind his less dominant boyfriend to fight the beefiest muscle head in Skool?” Gaz snaps.  
“I let my anger get the best of me, alright?” Zim snaps, “all that matters now is finding him. Oh, if Smacky laid even one finger on my Dib, he’s dead!”  
A light buzzing sounds from Zim’s PAK. The main pocket opens and a touchscreen cell phone flies out, landing in Zim’s hand. Someone’s calling him but it’s a number he doesn’t recognize. He hits ‘answer’ and holds the phone like a hyuman. Even though he doesn’t have ears his antennae are strong enough to hear the caller clearly.  
“Hello?” he says.  
“Hey, Zim. It’s Dib,” the caller says, followed by a series of other voices. “And Squee.” “And Pepito.” “And Kyle.” “And Amanda.” “And Jones, yo.” “And Nathan.” “And Carmen.”  
“Dib! You’re okay!” Zim exclaims with relief. “Where are you? Who are all those other people?”  
“Listen, Zim. A lot of things have happened and I need your help,” Dib explains, “Squee and I got sent to the Underground Classrooms which is really an underground prison for students who break the rules. And we’re never allowed to leave. But the system is rotten. Everyone down here are good students who only broke the rules by accident or in self-defence.”  
“We’re trying to break out but we need your help. We don’t know where the entrance is. So we need you to figure it out from the surface,” he concludes.  
“I see. Alright,” Zim nods, “don’t worry, Dib. You can count on me.”  
“I know. Call me later. Keep me posted,” Dib says before hanging up.  
Zim puts his phone back in his PAK, a familiar, arrogant grin spreading across his face. “Well, well. This should be interesting.”  
“Why? What happened?” Gaz asks.  
Zim quickly fills her in on what Dib told him. By the end of it, even Gaz looks a little excited.  
“Doesn’t this sound fun? Zim is excited,” he giggles, his antennae twitching under his wig.  
“Alright, before you have a seizure, how are we going to find the entrance to the Underground Classrooms?” Gaz asks.  
Zim deflates like a popped balloon. “Uh… well…” he stammers.  
“Zim?”  
They turn around to a girl, Zim’s classmate, Zita. She’s fiddling with her fingers and staring at the floor.  
“What do you want?” he growls.  
“I need your help,” she replies, “in the bathroom.”  
“I’m busy,” he grunts and starts to walk away.  
“No, you have to come with me!” She grabs his wrist and drags him down the hall. He’s too stunned to even resist as she throws him into the girls bathroom. Gaz quickly follows before she locks the door.  
“What do you think you’re doing?” Zim snaps.  
“Quiet. The bathrooms are the only blind spots in The Principal’s system. He has no cameras here,” Zita explains.  
“What are you talking about?” he asks.  
“I can help you free Dib,” she states.  
“Eh?” Zim grunts.  
“Really? How?” Gaz asks.  
“Well, I’m not going to help you directly,” Zita clarifies, “but I can give you some advice. I heard you guys talking. I don’t know where the Underground Classrooms are, but I think I know where you can find out.”  
Zim blinks, completely interested.  
“The Principal’s office. That’s the only room in the Skool that has any records. If there is any information on the Underground Classrooms, it’ll be there.”  
“I see. That makes sense,” Zim nods.  
“There’s only one problem,” Zita adds quickly,” The Principal never leaves his office. Not even at night. So it’ll be dangerous trying to sneak in there.”  
“We’ll figure something out,” Gaz states.  
“Yes, no problem,” Zim agrees, “but I’m surprised you’d want to help us, Zita. I thought you hated us.”  
“Well, let’s just say you and Dib may not be the stupid, crazy idiots we think you are,” Zita mutters.  
Zim cocks his head, confused but intrigued.  
“I gotta go. Good luck,” she says hastily before racing out of the bathroom. Zim and Gaz stare after her for a second, bewildered.  
“Well, that was helpful,” Gaz grunts, “now we can make a game plan.”  
“Yes. First we’ll find The Principal’s office then go from there,” Zim nods as they exit the bathroom. He grabs his phone from his PAK and redials the last number. “I should call Dib so he knows what’s going on.”  
Back underground, the students are currently going over their game plan.  
“Until Zim can tell us with complete confidence where the entrance is, we might as well make our own headway,” Pepito declares.  
“Right. No point in just sitting around,” Carmen agrees.  
“So here’s what we’ll do: we’re gonna make a map to all of the off-limit hallways, so when Zim finds out which one has the entrance, we’ll know how to get to it right away,” he explains.  
“Sounds good,” Nathan nods.  
“Does anyone have a pen and paper?” Pepito asks.  
“Yes, I do,” Squee replies as he digs around in his bag. He tears out a blank piece of paper from one of his notebooks and grabs a cheap pen, handing them both to Pepito.  
“Right, let’s go.”  
Just as they’re about to leave, Squee’s phone begins ringing. He recognizes the number as Zim’s and puts it on speaker phone.  
“Zim, it’s Squee. What’s up?” he asks.  
“Squee? So then this is your phone,” Zim states.  
“Yeah.”  
“Is Dib there?”  
“Yeah, but you’re on speaker so everyone can hear you.”  
“Ah, the way it should be,” Zim sighs approvingly. “Alright, listen up my loyal subjects. I may have figured out a way to find the entrance. Gaz and I are going to sneak into The Principal’s office. Hopefully that’s where we’ll find some info on the Underground Classrooms.”  
“The only problem is that he never leaves his office, so it may be a bit tricky. But Zim loves a good challenge.”  
“Well, don’t get into too much trouble,” Dib warns, “if you feel something bad is about to happen, then retreat.”  
“Aw, Dib, you know I could never do that,” Zim sighs, “alright, I’m gonna go. I’ll keep you posted.”  
Zim hangs up and Dib groans, annoyed. “He never listens to me.”  
“They’re gonna try and sneak into The Principal’s office?” Nathan exclaims, “that’s a suicide mission!”  
“They’re trying to help us. Maybe there’s a way we can help them,” Pepito mutters.  
“I have an idea,” Squee says as he grabs his phone. “I just hope he doesn’t make me go into too much detail. He might get a little mad.”  
“A little mad,” Shmee scoffs, “that’s an understatement.”  
He slides from Squee’s head onto his shoulder as Squee presses 2 on his speed dial.  
“Are you gonna tell him the truth?” Shmee asks.  
“I’m gonna try not to,” Squee replies.  
“You’re gonna lie to him? You know that’ll never work,” he points out, “A, you’re a terrible liar. B, he’s an interrogator. He knows when someone’s lying to him.”  
“Nevertheless, I have to try,” Squee insists, “I just don’t want to make him angry. Now be quiet; it’s ringing.”  
“Who’s he talking to?” Kyle asks cautiously.  
“His teddy bear,” Pepito replies like it’s so obvious.  
Squee holds the phone to his ear and Shmee squeezes in close to listen. Squee’s heart is pounding hard. He’s even more nervous now than when he met The Principal.  
“Hello?” His stomach flips when Johnny’s low, husky voice answers.  
“Uh, hey, Johnny. It’s Squee.” He’s having a hard time keeping his voice steady.  
“Oh, hey. What’s up? Is something wrong?”  
“No, no. Not really. Just… um… you don’t have to pick me up after Skool. I’m uh going to a friend’s house. I just met him today. But I promise I will come home. But um I do need you to do something for me. Could you go meet The Principal and maybe have him show you around the Skool… or something?”  
“You’re nailing this,” Shmee comments. Squee glares at him, his heart hammering restlessly as he waits for Johnny’s response.  
“Squee. Why are you lying to me?”  
Squee sighs, defeated. Shmee chuckles, “see? I told you. Johnny may be an idiot, but he’s a sharp idiot.”  
“I-I’m not lying. I really do need you to meet The Principal,” Squee insists.  
“Yeah, sure, fine. But you’re lying about that ‘friend’s house’ thing. And why do you need me to meet The Principal?” Johnny asks.  
“…introductions sake?”  
“Squee,” he sighs, exasperated.  
“Okay,” Squee squeaks, “I’ll you the truth.”  
“You held out for longer than I thought,” Shmee comments.  
“Dib and I got into a fight with a bully but we didn’t start it, it was self-defence. But The Principal still saw it as our fault and sent us to the Underground Classrooms, which is really just a prison for wayward youths. Except no one here is wayward, they’re all good students. And that’s why we’re trying to break out but we don’t know where the entrance is. So Zim and Gaz are trying to find out by sneaking into The Principal’s office, but The Principal never leaves his office. That’s why I need you to find a way to distract The Principal long enough for Zim and Gaz to find out the information,” Squee explains quickly. By the end of it, he’s panting for breath.  
“Okay, now that I believe,” Johnny says.  
“I’m sorry I lied,” Squee sighs, “I didn’t want to upset you.”  
“Aw, Squee. I’m always upset. No one can help that,” Johnny says reassuringly, “now what exactly do you need me to do?”  
“You just have to keep The Principal out of his office long enough for Zim and Gaz to search it for information on the Underground Classrooms,” Squee clarifies.  
“Okay, sounds easy enough,” Johnny says.  
“Oh, and one more thing,” Squee says quickly, “just a little nitpick on my part: don’t… kill him, okay?”  
“Eh?” Johnny grunts.  
“It’s just… I know The Principal isn’t a good person and you probably won’t like him at all. But he’s still the principal of the Skool and it’d be troublesome for us if something happened to him,” Squee explains, “so just try to find a way to get rid of him, without actually getting rid of him.”  
“…alright, Squee. I won’t kill him,” Johnny sighs.  
“Promise?” Squee asks hopefully.  
“Promise.”  
Squee sighs with relief and smiles. “Thanks, Nny. I’ll talk to you later.”  
“Good luck, Squee.”  
They hang up and Squee slips his phone into his jeans pocket. Shmee looks at him sceptically. “You really think he’ll keep that promise?”  
Squee considers the question for a second before nodding. “I do.”  
“Alright,” Shmee shrugs.  
“Okay, is everyone ready to go?” Pepito asks.  
“Yup,” Squee nods.  
“Good. Let’s go,” he demands and the students march off to commence their reconnaissance.  
Meanwhile, on the other side of the city, Johnny hangs up the receiver and sighs.  
“No killing, huh? Well, I suppose that’s fair,” he shrugs.  
“Nugget! Come on, we gotta go kidnap a principal,” he shouts as he pulls on his jacket and leaves the house. The little brown cat trots close behind.  
Back underground, Dib, Squee, and the others spend the next hour mapping out the Underground Classrooms. The teachers leave them alone for the most part, but their glares get more piercing the closer they draw to an off-limit hallway.  
There are five off-limit hallways. They are well spread out and guarded by pairs of teachers armed with Taser guns.  
When they finally get all the info they needed, they return back to their classroom to discuss a plan.  
“Each hallway is guarded 24/7,” Pepito explains, “so we’ll have to find a way to take out those teachers if we want to get by.”  
“We’ll need weapons,” Dib states.  
“Where are we going to get weapons down here?” Kyle asks.  
“Nowhere. We have no supplies. The only things we have are chalk and desks,” Pepito points out, “and both would make for insufficient weapons.”  
“If we can find a way to avoid the guards then we won’t need weapons,” Squee retorts.  
“How will we do that?” Nathan asks.  
Squee doesn’t reply. He just plays with Shmee’s ears.  
“Well, it doesn’t matter,” Pepito shrugs, “all we can do at the moment is wait for Zim to get back to us about the entrance.”  
Dib runs his hand down his scythe lock and stares at the ceiling. “I wonder how they’re doing.”


	4. Underground Classrooms part four

Johnny’s little grey car is parked at the curb behind the Skool. He is sitting on the hood staring at the building, Nugget lying down beside him. He rubs his chin as he considers the situation.  
“Kidnapping a normal principal would be so easy it wouldn’t even be worth writing about,” he rambles, “but Squee said this principle isn’t normal. He never leaves his office. Still, I love a challenge.”  
“All we have to do is figure out where his office is and go from there,” he concludes, “it’ll definitely be tricky. We can’t allow there to be any witnesses.”  
“Which raises the question,” he growls and glares at the car parked beside him, or more specifically at the two girls leaning against it. “What the fuck are you two doing here?”  
“We’re here to help you, of course,” Devi says like it’s so blindly obvious.  
“I didn’t even tell you I was coming here,” he snaps, “are you stalking me or something?”  
“You wish,” Tenna scoffs.  
“Do you even know what I’m doing?” he asks.  
“Yes. We heard you monologue-ing,” Devi replies.  
“I wasn’t monologue-ing. I was talking to the cat,” he snaps. They look at Nugget, who is quite busy licking her junk.  
“She seems riveted,” Tenna comments.  
Johnny sighs, defeated once again by the women in his life. “Fine, you can help. But keep in mind, we’re going to be breaking multiple laws. Are you sure you want to be accessories to Grand Theft Principle?”  
“Eh, we have nothing else to do,” Devi shrugs.  
“So be it,” Johnny says and faces the Skool. His mood brightens considerably at the sight of two familiar teenagers marching along the back field. “Well, look at that. It’s the other players in this little game.”  
He smirks and hops off the car. “Come on, let’s go say hello.”  
Devi and Tenna smile and follow him. Nugget jumps onto Nny’s shoulder and they climb over the chain link fence.  
Inside the Skool yard, Zim and Gaz march around the perimeter. Gaz drags her bat behind her as they scout out the windows.  
“Why’d you bring your bat with you?” Zim asks critically.  
“You never know when you might need it,” Gaz replies, “besides, you don’t even know about half the stuff in your PAK.”  
“Doesn’t matter. I know it’s all needed,” Zim retorts, “unlike your bat.”  
The kids stop abruptly as they notice three people walking towards them. The one in front, a man, waves to them and smile and they immediately recognize him.  
“Ah, it’s him!” Zim screams and ducks behind Gaz. “Quick, Gaz! Use your bat!”  
Gaz grips her bat, lifts it above her head, and clonks it right on Zim’s head.  
“Ow! Not on me!” he barks.  
She rolls her eyes and faces the newcomers. “Hello, Johnny.”  
“Hello, little Gaz,” he bows his head politely. “I must admit I am relieved to see you are alright, after your battle with aliens.”  
“Yeah, whatever,” she scoffs apathetically. “Who are they?” She nods to the cat hanging off his shoulder and the two girls behind him.  
“This is Chicken Nugget,” he replies, “and they’re just my stalkers.”  
“Are not!” Devi snaps.  
“Sure seems that way,” he retorts, “maybe I should get a restraining order.”  
While Johnny argues with the two hyuman females, Zim cowers behind Gaz. He’d never admit this to anyone, but Johnny really freaks him out. He’s even scarier than zombies and germs.  
Oh! But when we first met I wasn’t wearing my disguise. Maybe he won’t recognize me. No, he definitely won’t. Hyumans are too stupid to see through my brilliant disguise. Right, I’m worrying for not-.  
“You’re Zim, right?” Johnny asks.  
Zim twitches with surprise. He quickly regains his composure and laughs obnoxiously. “Eh? Zim? Not me. I am not that amazing, miraculous person. Not that I wouldn’t want to be. I would give anything to be as amazing as Zim. But I am not. Oh well.”  
Gaz rolls her eyes and glares at him. Johnny just watches him, amused.  
“You can cut the act, Zimmy. I can see straight through that little disguise of yours,” he smirks.  
“Eh?” Zim exclaims with surprise. “But-but how? Dib and Gaz are the only ones who can see through my ingenious disguise. Come to think of it, Squee saw through it too. What are you people?”  
Johnny chuckles, thoroughly amused. “Of course he did. Squee, like Dib and Gaz, is one of the few smart humans in our society. You see, Zimmy, societal humans only see what they want to see. Most don’t even consider the idea of an alien in a bad wig living amongst them. But there are a few who can see the truth behind the truth. Let’s try a little experiment, shall we?”  
He smiles and faces the girls. “Devi, Tenna. This is Gaz and Zim. I met them a few months ago.”  
Devi cocks her head as she examines Zim. She noticed him right away with his green skin, lack of nose and ears, and four fingers. She doesn’t want to be rude, but-.  
“He’s not human,” Tenna states plainly. Johnny bursts into laughter and Devi sighs, embarrassed at Tenna’s bluntness.  
“Huh? Of course I’m hyuman,” Zim argues.  
“No you’re not. You’re one of those aliens… what were they called?” Tenna asks, “irkles?”  
“Irkens,” Zim growls, “and no, I’m not.”  
Johnny continues snickering. “Devi and Tenna are smarter than they look, and are different from societal humans. I guess that’s why I can put up with them.”  
Zim sighs miserably but otherwise stays quiet. He’s not one to admit defeat, but he can’t really fight against Johnny.  
“So what are you guys doing here, anyway?” Gaz asks.  
“Squee called me and asked for my help,” Nny replies, “we’ll ‘distract’ The Principal so you guys will have an easier time finding any information on the Underground Classrooms.”  
“That’s great. We could use the help. Right, Zim,” Gaz growls. Zim mutters angrily in response.  
“So all we have to do is figure out where his office is,” Devi says, “so, where is it?”  
“That’s what we’re trying to figure out now,” Gaz replies.  
“And as usual, Zim has the solution,” Zim declares. His PAK opens up and a fancy pair of ski goggles flies out. They’re tinted pink with a black liner and strap. Along the top are small, barely discernable buttons.  
Zim slips the goggles on over his eyes. The world is tinted pink for a minute until he hits one of the buttons. He gains x-ray vision, along with Irken words pointing at different objects, describing what they are and/or what they consist of. When he looks at Gaz, her description reads, “scary Earthanoid, younger sibling unit,” among other things, along with what her body is made out of. When he looks at Johnny, his description reads, “UNKNOWN, DANGER DANGER!”  
Zim flinches and quickly looks away. Gaz leans in real close and examines the goggles.  
“What are those?” She asks.  
“Multi-purpose combat/stealth goggles,” Zim replies proudly, “made with Vortian technology with a smidge of Irken originality. Kio left me blueprints for these in my lab. They’re fantastic.”  
“How are those goofy looking things gonna help us?” Devi asks.  
“Because, Bossy, Scary Earthanoid Female, they have an x-ray feature,” he explains, “I can use them to peek through the wall and figure out which one belongs to The Principal.”  
“Neat,” Nny comments.  
Zim marches ahead of the group, his eyes scanning the many windows along the wall. The rest of the crew follow close behind.  
Zim is completely confident in his plan, not seeing a single flaw. Johnny, true to form, is quite sceptical. His mind is reeling with all sorts of options and ideas. Puzzle pieces build up until he connects them all, discovering the solution.  
“We’ve gone all the way around the Skool,” Gaz snaps, “haven’t you found it yet?”  
“I don’t get it. I didn’t see anything that could be The Principal’s office,” Zim says with confusion, “lots of classrooms and offices, but nothing that could belong to The Principal.”  
“Maybe it’s away from the outside wall,” Johnny suggests.  
“Eh?” Zim grunts with confusion.  
“Can your goggles see farther than one layer?” he asks.  
Zim stays quiet, the one flaw of his amazing plan coming to light.  
“Jeez, Zim, can’t you ever think anything through?” Gaz groans.  
“So what now?” Tenna asks.  
“Can’t we just look around inside?” Devi suggests.  
“That’ll be tough. The inside of the Skool is full of cameras,” Gaz explains, “it’ll be hard for you guys to move around discreetly.”  
“You two don’t need to worry about that. I don’t think you’ll get sent to the Underground Classrooms if you break the rules,” Johnny says.  
“Why?” she asks.  
“Because he only targets good students,” he replies.  
Zim and Gaz can’t even be offended because they know he’s right.  
“Anyway, here’s our new plan,” Johnny announces. He reaches his hands out to Devi and Gaz. “Give me your cell phones.”  
They hand him their phones hesitantly. He grabs them quickly and types on both, quickly and flawlessly. When he’s done, he tosses them back.  
“I’ve added your numbers to each other phones,” he says.  
“I could’ve done that,” Devi states.  
“Don’t question my methods, Princess,” Nny snaps, “anyway, here’s the plan. Zimmy, Gaz, you two will look around the inside of the Skool for The Principal’s office. Gaz, you can communicate discreetly with Devi via cell phones so we know what’s going on. When you find the office, text us, and we’ll come in and take over.”  
“But what about the cameras?” Gaz asks.  
“Don’t worry about it. Just do your part,” he replies.  
“Fine, let’s get this over with,” Zim barks and marches to the Skool entrance. Gaz rolls her eyes and follows close behind.  
Zim mutters angrily as they pace through the Skool hallways. “Stupid Johnny. Thinking he’s all smart, and tough, and terrifying. Well, he’s not. I’m the smart, and tough, and terrifying one. And I don’t need his help.”  
“Idiot,” Gaz snaps, “of course we need his help. With him around, this’ll be much easier. And just for the record, you’re not tough, or smart, or terrifying.”  
“How do we know he’s even gonna help us? What if he betrays us?” he asks.  
“I don’t think he will. He wants to help Squee as much as we want to help Dib.”  
“Yeah, but-.”  
“Look! You want to help Dib, right?” she snaps.  
“Yeah,” he exclaims.  
“Then this is how we do it. Now shut up and pay attention. We have to find The Principal’s office,” she growls.  
Zim’s quiet after that. He focuses on his goggles and the task at hand. He won’t admit it, but Gaz is right. If this will help free Dib then he should just put up with it.  
After about ten minutes they find their destination. A door labeled ‘Principal.’  
“I think this is it,” Zim says as he peeks past the door with his x-ray goggles.  
“No kidding,” Gaz growls. She grabs her phone and sends a text message to Devi. ‘Found Principal’s office. Second floor, second hallway, five doors down, labeled Principal.”  
Back outside, Johnny, Devi, Tenna, and Nugget sit on the grass just outside the Skool. Johnny is humming a tuneless song, a small smile on his face.  
Devi laughs. “What are you so amused about?”  
“Zimmy. There’s something about him that makes me laugh,” Nny replies, “which is odd because I’d kill anyone else like that. And when we first met, I didn’t really care for him at all. The feeling’s still mutual, but now he appeases to my selfish humour.”  
“Well, he is kind of funny,” Tenna giggles.  
“Do you think we can really trust him?” Devi asks.  
“Trust? No, I don’t trust anyone,” Johnny replies, “but I do think he’ll help us. His human boyfriend was captured along with Squee. We have the same goal.”  
“You trust Squee,” Devi mutters.  
Johnny’s smile quickly disappears and his mood steadily darkens. “Yeah, well… Squee’s different.”  
Nugget meows and nudges his chin. He scratches behind her chipped ear and sighs.  
Devi starts to say something but gets cut off by a buzzing from her pocket. She grabs her cell phone and reads the screen.  
“They found The Principal’s office,” she announces, “second floor, second hallway, five doors down.”  
“Right. Let’s go,” Johnny orders and stands up.  
“So what now?” Tenna asks excitedly, “are you gonna use some kind of crazy, awesome serial killer ninja move and sneak past the cameras?”  
“No,” Johnny replies, “we’re gonna walk in normally and not arouse suspicions. Come here, Nugget.” He grabs the cat off his shoulder and stuffs her into his jacket. She hangs off one of the straps, completely comfortable.  
“Glad to see you speaking some sense for once,” Devi comments as they trot up the stairs and into the Skool.  
They walk with their heads held high. Fortunately Skool ended about an hour ago so they don’t meet anyone. But their eyes subtly scan the walls for any cameras.  
“The trick is to walk like you own the place,” Johnny says.  
“Oh, I do that all the time. It’s a great way to get away with shop lifting,” Tenna smirks, “the only bad part is when someone actually assumes you own the place.”  
Devi snickers as they come up to the stairwell. They trot up the steps and meet Zim and Gaz at the top.  
“It’s that one,” Gaz says as she points at the door labeled ‘Principal’.  
“Who would’ve guessed,” Johnny mutters sarcastically.  
“What do we do now?” Gaz asks.  
“Wait here until Devi says it’s safe,” he replies, “then you can flip the office upside down, if you so desire.”  
“I do desire,” Zim smirks and giggles evilly.  
“Great. Now stay put,” Johnny demands. He and the girls trot over to the Principal’s door. Johnny knocks but there’s no answer, not even a rustling. He knocks again, just to be sure, but again there’s no noise.  
Tenna grabs the knob and turns it, and to their surprise it opens. Even more surprising, the office is completely empty and completely dark.  
“No one’s in here,” Devi observes. Johnny walks in and looks around. There’s a long table with many chairs surrounding it and tons of television screens all over the walls but no signs of any life.  
He growls and rubs the back of his neck. He doesn’t like this.  
“Hey, guys, it’s safe,” Devi calls to Zim and Gaz. Johnny doesn’t stop the kids from entering. He just explores the room aimlessly.  
“No one’s in here,” Gaz mutters.  
“But Zita said the Principal never leaves his office,” Zim points out.  
“Maybe she was wrong,” she shrugs.  
He groans and rubs his antennae under his wig. Something feels wrong.  
“Well, whatever,” he grunts, “let’s just find the information and get out of here.”  
Gaz and Zim spread out through the room while Tenna and Devi keep watch by the door. Johnny continues to explore, running his hands along the surface of the screens. He notices the chair at the head of the table. It probably belongs to The Principal. There are small buttons on the armrest.  
“No filing cabinet, no computers,” Gaz growls, “where the hell does this guy keep his files?”  
Zim pulls his goggles over his eyes and looks around. He notices something behind the wall opposite the door.  
“Hey,” he exclaims as he runs his fingers along the TV screens. “It looks like there are stairs behind this wall.”  
“Stairs?” Gaz questions. She walks over to him and examines the wall. “It must be like a secret passageway. But how does it open?”  
While they try to figure out that problem, Johnny is busy examining the buttons on The Principal’s chair. There are six of them but they’re not labeled. The Principal probably knows them by heart. Johnny rubs his chin as he decides which one to pick.  
Zim pushes against the wall. Johnny pushes a button.  
The walls split in half and spread apart like automatic doors. Zim loses his balance and falls into the stairwell. Tenna, Devi, and Johnny run over to Gaz and watch him tumble down the stairs. He bounces off each step like a big, green ball, shouting in pain each time until he reaches the bottom floor. Johnny, Devi, and Tenna snicker and giggle at the stunt.  
“Oh, the pain,” Zim groans from the darkness of the corridor.  
“Whiner,” Gaz grunts.  
“Suck it up, Zimmy,” Johnny shouts, “what’s down there?”  
“I don’t know. It’s too dark,” Zim calls back. “That or the fall made me lose my eyesight.”  
“Come on, let’s go,” Tenna squeals excitedly. She trots down the steps like an excited puppy. Gaz, Johnny, and Devi follow close behind.  
The farther they walk down the stairwell, the thicker the darkness gets. Devi takes out her phone and uses it to light their way. They catch up to Zim just as he’s piecing himself back together: straightening his wig, putting his contacts- and eyeball- back in, popping some bones back into place. When he’s finally finished, he stands up and looks around.  
“Where are we?” he asks.  
“Not sure,” Gaz replies.  
“Wherever we are, it’s the answer to all of our problems,” Johnny states.  
“What makes you so sure?” Devi asks.  
“Instinct,” he shrugs and marches ahead. The others clamber after him.  
They’re in a long, dark tunnel made completely of dirt with no lighting. Devi’s phone illuminates their way.  
“This kind of looks like some of the tunnels in my lower floors,” Johnny comments.  
The hall seems to go on forever until they notice a dim light at the end. It gets brighter the closer they draw to it, until Devi’s phone is no longer needed.  
They walk through a thin doorway into a brightly lit room. It looks a lot like The Principal’s office with a long table and television monitors, but there are also filing cabinets on the far end.  
“That’s it!” Zim exclaims. He and Gaz run over to them and quickly tear them open. Devi and Tenna stay near the door but Johnny wanders around the room. He still feels uneasy. Something is definitely not right.  
“I found it!” Zim announces as he waves around a piece of paper. It’s entitled ‘Underground Classrooms’.  
“Does is say where the entrance is?” Johnny asks.  
Zim’s eyes quickly scan over the page and he nods excitedly, “yes.”  
Johnny almost lets relief wash over him until he feels a shock travel up his neck. He spins around just as Devi and Tenna scream.


	5. Underground Classrooms part five

Devi and Tenna scream. There are two cloaked men behind them. They’re holding them by their necks and pointing small handguns to their temples.  
“Well done, young trespassers.”  
Cloaked figures emerge from the shadows like ghosts. They all surround a shorter, slouched figure. It’s obvious from his sense of superiority that he’s the leader, The Principal.  
“I would say that I’m impressed that you found my secret office, that you discovered my secrets on the Underground Classrooms,” he says as he marches forward, his subordinates close behind. “I would say that, if I didn’t see it coming.”  
Zim clutches the paper to his chest as he and Gaz back away from the approaching mob. “See it coming?”  
“I knew what you were doing from the second student-Dib called you on that meddlesome Squee’s cell phone,” The Principal explains, “but I didn’t fully understand your plan until those three showed up.” He gestures to Johnny, Devi, and Tenna. “You see, the only blind spots I have in the Skool are the bathrooms. I have cameras everywhere else, even outside.”  
“Shit,” Johnny grunts.  
“Exactly,” The Principal nods, “now here’s what’s going to happen: you will give me back that information or my subordinates will add some holes into those poor girls’ heads.”  
Zim snarls and grips the paper tighter.  
“And then what? What if we do give you the paper, you’ll just shoot them anyway, right?” Gaz snaps.  
“Of course not. I do not wish for unnecessary violence,” The Principal replies, “however you won’t get away so easily. Zim and Gaz, you will be transferred to the Underground Classrooms. The rest of you I’ll hand over to the police.”  
Zim scoffs and laughs humourlessly. “Ha! You’ve got nothing, hyuman principal man thing! Those girls mean nothing to me. I just want to save Dib. Go ahead and shoot them.”  
“What?” The Principal exclaims.  
“How sweet,” Johnny grunts before shrugging calmly. “But he does have a point. You really do have nothing.”  
“Don’t you care about your friends?” he snaps.  
“I don’t have to,” Johnny replies.  
The girls attack quickly. Devi rams her elbow into her captor’s stomach and Tenna slams the back of his head into her captor’s face. They’re so stunned, they just stumble back.  
Before they can recover, Devi and Tenna quickly finish them off by punching them hard in the face. When they pass out on the floor, they grab their guns and toss them to Johnny. He catches them, unloads them, then crushes them under his boot.  
“You see? You don’t know who you’re dealing with, Mr. Principal,” Johnny states.  
“Well, it seems I’ve gravely underestimated you,” the Principal sighs, “but I will not allow you to get away.” He snaps his fingers and points at the doorway. “Release the dogs!”  
“Dogs?” Zim squeaks.  
Devi and Tenna glance behind themselves into the doorway at the sound of multiple barking. Tenna quickly closes the door and they race deeper into the room, ducking behind Johnny.  
The barking gets louder and louder until it stops just behind the door. The crew waits anxiously for something to happen, their hearts pounding as one.  
The door cracks as something smashes against it again and again until it flies off the hinges. Standing in the doorway is an army of angry, snarling, completely terrifying pit bulls. They growl, drool dripping from their jowls, and march forward.  
“I hate dogs,” Zim whimpers.  
Gaz squeezes her and bat and starts to advance, but Johnny sticks out his hand and stops her.  
“Sorry, Gaz. We can’t fight them,” he says, “I don’t advocate animal cruelty.”  
Gaz doesn’t say anything, just stares at him with surprise.  
An ugly, bone chilling grin spreads across his face. He reaches into his jacket and grabs his secret weapon.  
“Go get ‘em, Nugget!” he shouts as he throws the cat by her tail. She yowls with surprise before landing perfectly on her feet, right in front of the dogs.  
They snarl and lick their lips hungrily at the little kitty.  
“A cat? A cat?!” Zim exclaims, “how is a cat supposed to help us?”  
“Just watch,” Nny smirks.  
Nugget stares up at the dogs with a blank face. One of them barks and charges her. Her chipped ear twitches and she jumps up.  
She lands on the dog’s back, digging her claws into his skin. He yips and runs around in a circle, trying to grab her. He doesn’t even come close.  
Another dog charges them. He opens his mouth wide enough to swallow the cat whole. She jumps up and he ends up biting the first dog instead. She lands on the second dog and shoves them both to the floor as she jumps up again.  
She lands in the middle of the army. The dogs charge her in unison. She leaps up and they ram into each other, yipping as they bite each other too.  
Nugget lands in front of the army, her chipped ear twitching and tail waving back and forth. If cats could smile, her grin would resemble the one her master is wearing right now.  
“Well done, Nugget,” Nny smirks.  
“That cat freaks me the fuck out,” Devi groans. Tenna claps and giggles excitedly. Zim and Gaz just stare, their chins sitting on the ground.  
“Wuh-well, she’s good,” Zim says quickly as he tries to regain his composure. “But there’s still too many.”  
It’s true that Nugget managed to take down a couple with her claws and reflexes, but the numbers barely dwindle at all. She’ll eventually run out of stamina before she even beats half of them.  
“But we can’t just beat up dogs,” Devi points out.  
“Don’t worry. Zim has it under control,” Zim announces. A communicator pops out of his PAK and he instantly yells into it, “Gir! Come to Zim!”  
A deep voice answers back, “yes, sir!”  
Less than ten seconds later, a hole is blasted in the ceiling. Rubble falls down around the crew as three strange figures enter the room: a bug-eyed, little green dog, a bug-eye floating moose thing, and a bug-eyed, little green boy with messy black hair.  
“Skoodge! What are you doing here?” Zim snaps.  
The little green boy looks up at him, scared and confused. “Was I not supposed to come?”  
“No! If you were supposed to come, I would’ve told you to come. But I didn’t tell you to come, so you weren’t supposed to come,” Zim shouts with frustration.  
But then he notices the way the dogs are looking at Skoodge. He smirks and picks up the disguised, little Irken by his head.  
“Actually, this could work,” Zim says. Skoodge starts to smile. Then Zim pulls his arm back and his smile disappears.  
“Fetch, dog monsters!” Zim shouts as he throws Skoodge out of the room and down the hall. At least a quarter of the army follows, barking and yipping after the screaming Irken.  
“Gir! Minimoose! Destroy the remaining dogs,” Zim demands.  
Gir cheers before letting out some sort of assassination cry and leaping right into the mound of dogs.  
Minimoose squeaks.  
“Neat,” Nny comments.  
Now Nugget, Gir, and Minimoose are easily handling the dogs. Gir throws them around with his amazing robot strength, Nugget knocks their heads together with her awesome agility, and Minimoose lures them into walls with his chew toy-like affinity.  
“No choice,” The Principal sighs and snaps his fingers. “Kill them.”  
His assistants throw off their cloaks, revealing their black armour with Skool written across the torso. They all draw large, black magnums and prepare for battle.  
“Now these guys I don’t mind hurting,” Johnny smirks.  
“Just remember, you promised Squee you wouldn’t kill anyone,” Devi chimes.  
“I promised Squee I wouldn’t kill The Principal,” he points out, “everyone else is free game.”  
“Johnny,” she scolds.  
“Ugh, fine,” he groans loudly.  
Nny draws a knife from his jacket and rams the hilt into an assistant’s neck, knocking him unconscious. He doesn’t move from his spot. Just beats everyone close to him with his knife.  
Devi and Tenna move around more, punching and kicking their enemies from all directions. The assistants don’t even have time to pull their triggers.  
Gaz readies her bat, excited to fight against some seemingly worthy opponents. But she stops when Zim calls her name. “Gaz!” She looks at him curiously. He tosses her his cell phone, along with the paper containing information on the Underground Classrooms.  
“Call Squee! Tell him where the entrance is,” Zim orders, “hurry!”  
“No! Stop her!” The Principal shouts.  
The remaining assistants start to charge Gaz. She snarls, ready to beat them with her bat. But before they can reach, a familiar screaming sounds from the hallway.  
Skoodge races back into the room, the pit bulls right on his heels. He ducks between the legs of the assistants and the dogs tackle them to the ground.  
Gaz doesn’t sit around to see what happens next. She hits ‘redial’ on Zim’s phone and wait impatiently for someone to answer.


	6. Underground Classrooms part six

Underground, the students have spent the majority of their time waiting, talking about how their lives used to be.  
Kyle and the others were actually sent underground throughout the last two years. Pepito was the most recent prisoner until Squee and Dib showed up. Apparently the Underground Classrooms didn’t exist until two years ago.  
“That’s odd. I’ve heard plenty of rumours about the Underground Classrooms, even before two years ago,” Dib says.  
“Well, we’re the only students here. I was the first one here and nobody else was here before me,” Kyle shrugs, “I figure it’s a fair assumption.”  
“Hm. Actually now that I think about it, it wasn’t until two years ago that The Principal got his title,” he explains, “before then, the High Skool had a different principal.”  
“See? Everything’s connected!” Kyle exclaims.  
“Maybe so. But then why would The Principal create the Underground Classrooms?” Pepito asks.  
“To make a child army, like I said!” he shouts, frustrated.  
“Don’t be stupid,” Amanda scoffs.  
“Look, we’re going to get nowhere arguing about theories,” Carmen snaps, “so let’s just put those questions to rest. Besides, I wanna clarify something with Dib. Are you really dating an alien?”  
“Uh, yeah, I guess,” Dib replies awkwardly.  
“That’s so cool,” she squeals.  
“But you said you wanna protect the Earth from aliens,” Jones points out, “so aren’t you like dating the enemy?”  
“The Earth is in danger from Zim,” Dib says, “he’s even saved it a couple times. Besides, he has nowhere else to go.”  
“You refer to him as a ‘boy’,” Nathan observes, “does that mean he has male genitalia?”  
Dib’s face turns redder than an apple. He looks at the floor and fiddles with his scythe lock. “I don’t know. We haven’t… gotten that far yet.”  
“So if he is like male humans, would that make you gay?” Amanda asks.  
“Uh well I guess,” Dib mutters.  
Well the other students quibble over Dib’s relationship, Pepito sits next to Squee to converse privately with him.  
“So how are things with you?” he asks.  
“They’re fine,” Squee replies.  
“You’re living with Johnny right? How’s that?”  
“It’s good, actually. He makes for a nice guardian.”  
“Who would’ve thought Johnny the serial killer would make a good caretaker,” Pepito scoffs.  
“What? Serial killer?” Jones exclaims and suddenly everyone is looking at Squee.  
“He meant it as an expression,” Squee says quickly.  
“Expression?” Amanda questions.  
“Yeah,” Pepito nods, “I meant he… really likes cereal so he practically kills it cause he eats so much.”  
The students stare at them for a few seconds before nodding, like it makes absolute sense, then returning to their conversations.  
Squee sighs with relief and Pepito smiles apologetically.  
“He’s not mean to you, is he?” he asks.  
“No,” Squee replies, “the complete opposite actually. He’s really considerate of me. He still has a bad temper and yells sometimes, but he apologizes soon after. He always protects me and takes good care of me.”  
“That’s good then,” Pepito smiles, “I’m glad you’re happy.”  
“Thanks,” Squee smiles back.  
His cell phone suddenly starts ringing. He quickly puts it on speaker and everyone squeezes in to listen.  
“Hello?” Squee says.  
“Squee, it’s Gaz. Listen, we found out where the entrance is.”  
“Gaz? I can barely hear you. What’s going on?” Squee asks. There’s a lot of background noise going on, like barking, screaming, and banging.  
“Don’t worry about it. Just pay attention,” she snaps, “the entrance to the Underground Classrooms is located in the field behind the Skool. Got it?”  
“Yes, thank you,” Squee nods, “we can work with that.”  
“Good. I gotta go. We’ll call you later,” she says quickly before hanging up.  
“In the field behind the Skool,” Pepito muses, “they did a good job.”  
“Yeah, but how are we going to find the field from down here?” Kyle asks.  
“Easy. Follow me,” Dib commands before running out of the class room. The others stare after him for a second before following.  
Dib races to the room where he and Squee first showed up. While he waits for the others, he examines the ceiling. It’s dark and high up but he can just barely make out the trap door.  
When the others finally catch up, he spins around in a flourish and explains excitedly, “this room is directly under The Principal’s office. Judging from that we can easily figure out where the back field is.”  
“Considering the layout of the Skool and relying completely on memory, the back field should be this way,” he deduces, pointing to the right. “Now we just have to figure out how to get there from here.”  
“Squee, the map,” Pepito orders.  
Squee grabs the crudely drawn map from his bag and lays it out on the floor. Everyone crowds around to take a look.  
“This should be the room we’re in now,” Squee says, pointing at the map. “If Dib’s right, then the back field should be in this direction, meaning the only off-limit hallway that works would be hallway C.”  
“Well, let’s get going already,” Pepito orders.  
“And we better hurry,” Nathan warns, “night time is in an hour.”  
The students gulp nervously.  
“Well, that just means we have to be fast,” Dib smirks.  
“Right,” Pepito agrees, “let’s go.”  
The students hurry through the corridors, avoiding any teachers they see. When they near hallway C, they peek around the corner and do some scouting.  
“The entrance is blocked by two teachers,” Dib observes, “looks like they’re armed with Tasers.”  
“Those hurt,” Pepito comments.  
“They never leave their post except to trade shifts,” Amanda says, “so that hallway is never unguarded.”  
“We have to get them to leave,” Carmen states, “but how?”  
“A distraction,” Squee replies, “one of us will get the teachers to chase after them so the others can enter the hallway. However, there’s a chance that whoever does it won’t be able to make it back.”  
The students shudder with fear. He’s right. Whoever distracts them might get caught. It’s basically a suicide mission.  
Dib gathers his courage and pride. “I’ll do-.”  
“It’s gotta be me,” Squee sighs.  
“What?” they exclaim.  
“I’m the only one fast enough to outrun them,” he says, “if I do it then there’s a higher chance we’ll be able to escape.”  
He stands up and rests Shmee on his head. “You guys hide in a nearby classroom. When the coast is clear, make a break for it.”  
He doesn’t give any of them a chance to argue. And he doesn’t give himself a chance to think this through. He just takes a deep breath and marches forward. The others quickly scurry into a nearby classroom and hide in the darkness.  
Squee grabs a pencil from his bag and whips it at the teachers. It bounces right off the right one’s forehead.  
“Hey!” he snaps, “watch it, runt!”  
“What are you going to do about it?” Squee taunts.  
The teacher attaches the ranged attachment to his Taser and shoots it at Squee. He easily sidesteps it.  
“You’re a terrible shot. No wonder you’re stuck down here guarding kids instead of doing something meaningful,” he jeers.  
It may be a long winded insult, but it sets those teachers off. They both wield their Tasers and charge Squee. He spins on his heel and races down the hallway. They chase after him.  
Dib and the others watch them dash down the corridor. When they disappear around a corner, they make their move. They rush out of the classroom and into the off-limit hallway.  
It’s darker and shabbier than the other hallways. There is very little glowing moss, so Pepito uses a flashlight to illuminate their way.  
At the end of the hall is an old, wooden but sturdy door. Pepito grabs the handle and pushes and pulls but it doesn’t budge.  
“Locked,” he grunts, “I might be able to get it open, but I don’t know what’s on the other side.  
“Yo, what about Squee?” Jones asks.  
“We should go help him,” Dib orders.  
“No, we’re not going anywhere,” Pepito snaps, “we’re going to wait for him right here.”  
“But what if he’s in trouble?” Amanda asks.  
“His entire life is trouble, but he does just fine,” Pepito replies, “he’ll make it. Trust me.”  
Nobody argues. They just sit on the floor and wait patiently.  
Meanwhile, Squee races through the halls with the teachers close behind. They’ve tried shooting him with their Tasers but they never hit him. Now they’re not just chasing him because he insulted them; they’re chasing him because it’s a challenge. If they don’t catch him their pride as guards, nay as men, will be in jeopardy.  
Squee leads them on for a few more minutes before coming to a halt. The teachers stop abruptly, confused. They hesitantly move towards him, readying an attack.  
“Sorry, but I’ve had enough of this,” he says, “Shmee, knock them out please.”  
“With pleasure,” Shmee smirks.  
He stands up and looks at the teachers, a blood curdling grin on his face.  
They slide to a stop, their faces twisting with fear and surprise.  
“Is-is that teddy bear moving?” one squeaks.  
“He’s not just a teddy bear,” Squee smiles.  
Shmee hops off his head and lands in front of the teachers. Before they can react, he jumps up and slams his little paw into the side of one’s head. He flies into the wall and immediately blacks out.  
The other teacher screams and tries to get away. Shmee leaps at him and lands on his shoulder. He smacks his paw on the back of his neck. He quivers for a second before collapsing.  
Shmee stands back for a second to examine his work. He grins and hops back onto Squee’s head, re-entering his plane of existence along the way.  
“I gotta hurry back to the others,” Squee growls. He jumps over the unconscious teachers and races down the hall.  
“You remember how to get there?” Shmee asks.  
“Of course,” he scoffs. He retraces his steps perfectly and reaches hallway C in no time.  
He enters the dark hallway, whipping out his flashlight along the way. He immediately notices the other students at the end of the hall with their flashlight. They see him too and run to meet him.  
“You’re okay,” Dib exclaims happily.  
“Are you hurt?” Carmen asks worriedly.  
“Where are they?” Kyle asks.  
“Don’t worry. Shmee knocked them out,” Squee replies.  
They all look at him like he’s crazy, except for Pepito who knows the truth.  
“Now that we’re all together again,” Pepito says, “let’s get the hell out of here.”  
“But the door’s locked,” Dib points out.  
“Not a problem. Stand back,” Pepito warns. He places his hands on the door and black, shadowy tendrils rise from arms. They stab into the door and it explodes into a thousand pieces. One shard smacks Dib right in his head.  
“Ow!” he exclaims.  
“I told you to stand back,” Pepito shrugs, “although I guess it wouldn’t matter with you head being that big.”  
“My head’s not big!” Dib barks.  
“Who cares, let’s go,” Squee groans and runs through the doorway. The others follow close behind.  
They enter a large room with a high ceiling. There’s glowing moss all over the place, illuminating it nicely so the flashlights are no longer necessary.  
On the far side of the room the students spot two things: a doorway and a large, white mound right in front of it.  
“That must be the way out,” Dib says excitedly.  
“Yeah, but look at what’s in front of it,” Kyle whimpers.  
“What is it?” Squee asks, as he starts getting a bad feeling.  
The mound stirs and lifts up. It’s a giant, white haired dog. Standing up, it’s back nearly touches the ceiling. It’s wide and muscular with huge paws, claws, and fangs protruding from its lips. It shakes its ears out and drool splashes all over the floor.  
“What is that?” Squee whimpers fearfully.  
“It’s the Guard Dog,” Pepito growls.  
“It’s not just a dog,” Dib breathes, “it’s a hell hound.”  
Back on the surface, Zim and the others have finished off The Principal’s crack army. Much to Johnny’s dismay, none of them are dead just unconscious.  
“That was fun,” Tenna comments.  
“Good work, team,” Zim cheers.  
“You may have defeated my subordinates, but I’m afraid your efforts are futile,” The Principal snaps, “your friends will never get out of there. You don’t know what’s down there, what they have to deal with.”  
“But you don’t have time to worry about them,” he hisses, “since none of you will be getting out of here scot free. I’m gonna call the police and you will all be arrested for trespassing, assault, and who knows what else.”  
He pulls a cell phone out of his cloak, an ugly smirk barely visible under his hood.  
“Fine. But don’t we deserve some answers first?” Johnny asks.  
“Well, I suppose it’s only fair,” he shrugs.  
“What’s the point of all this? Why would you feel the need to make the Underground Classrooms?”  
“At first, the Underground Classrooms were just a rumour, a lie the teachers used to scare the students into being good. Some even used them to get rid of students they didn’t like,” The Principal explains, “but that was before I took over.”  
“As principal it is my duty to teach children to be responsible adults so they can survive in the outside world. And I take this job very seriously.”  
“I’m sure you’ve noticed how horrible this world has gotten. It is full of selfish, rotten scum who only look out for themselves. Not everybody can handle it and even less can learn how to handle it. People like these, for example.”  
He whips out a remote control and presses a button. The television screens turn on in a flash and eight different kids are shown on the screens. All of them are performing good deeds then accidently breaking a few rules. Though Zim and the others wouldn’t know it, these children are the same ones that are trapped underground.  
“Kind, intelligent children such as these would never be able to survive in this cesspool of a world. It would chew them up and spit them out,” he exclaims passionately, “I made the Underground Classrooms a reality so these kind children would never have to suffer. Don’t you understand? By locking them up I am protecting them from this horrible world.”  
“That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard,” Zim snaps.  
“How dare you,” The Principal snarls.  
“You’re not protecting them, you’re just assisting in the destruction of this world,” he shouts, “if you just take away all the good people and leave the bad people, then it will only get worse. Nothing will ever change!”  
“So naïve,” The Principal sighs, “this world will never change anyway. It will only get worse. There’s no use trying to stop it.”  
“Well, you’re right about one thing,” Johnny admits, “this world is a cesspool. But Zim is right too. If you don’t give it a chance to change, then it never will. And those kids you’re locking up are the only ones who can change it.”  
He stalks towards The Principal, his slowly rising anger practically resonating off of him. “Yes, it’s true this world is full of hateful scum, but there are nice people too. They’re able to keep people like, well, me from destroying this world, even unconsciously.”  
He grips The Principal’s hand, the one holding the phone. He squeezes it so hard that the phone shatters. The Principal exclaims in pain as pieces of glass, plastic, and metal stab into his palm.  
“Do you understand what I am saying to you?” Johnny snarls, “you locked up my only reason for sanity. Normally I would’ve killed you in a heartbeat but I promised him I wouldn’t. You better hope I have enough self-control to keep that promise.”  
The Principal shudders under Johnny’s piercing glare. When he looks up into his eyes, with their endless whiteness and thin pupils, he doesn’t see a human.  
He sees a beast.  
“Hey, Johnny,” Tenna exclaims, “Squee’s on TV.”  
Johnny lets The Principal go and walks over to Tenna and Devi. The screen in front of them displays Squee and an ugly, tall kid who have ‘bully’ written all over him.  
“This must be the fight that sent Squee to the Underground Classrooms,” Devi says.  
The bully swings at Squee and he easily sidesteps it. Johnny and the others watch with wide eyes as Squee dodges every attack. No matter how hard he tries, Smacky can’t lay a finger on him.  
“This is a fight? It’s so obviously one-sided,” Gaz comments.  
“Yes, but not to the side you’d expect,” Zim says.  
Squee’s voice suddenly sounds from a speaker somewhere. “You know, you’re a lot slower than Dillon or Krik.”  
That statement hits Johnny like a jawbreaker in the teeth and damn does it taste good. He stares at the TV for a second before a strange feeling explodes in his chest.  
He grips his quivering mouth and stumbles backwards. He tries to force down the feeling, tries to stop the smile from sliding onto his lips but it’s futile. Tears from exertion prick the corner of his eyes.  
“Johnny, are you okay?” Devi asks.  
“Yeah, I guess. I’m just…” He lets go of his mouth, allowing his lips to split into a huge smile. He runs his hand up to his hair, digging his palm into his forehead. “I’m just too fucking proud of that kid.”  
Devi and Tenna smile. They pat Johnny’s shoulder and ruffle his hair, but not even that can kill his good mood.  
“Well, Mr. Principal,” Nny booms as he straightens his back. “I guess this proves that I’m almost as big an idiot as you since I’m stupid enough to think that kid needs me worrying about him. But you’re still the bigger one, since you think that trapping those kids will actually do something.”  
He smirks as he tugs The Principal by the front of his cloak so their faces are only inches apart. “Take it from me, Mr. Principal: if those kids are anything like mine, then nothing in the world can hold them down.”  
Johnny lets him go and he falls to the ground in a heap. “Now then, I think we’ve wasted enough time. I’ll just punish you super quick and we’ll be on our way. Oh, don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you. But you’re still now getting out of her scot free.”  
He reaches into his jacket and pulls out a long rope. He wraps both ends around his hands and tightens it.  
An ugly, bone chilling grin spreads across his face as he leans in towards The Principal.  
“Don’t worry. It’s won’t hurt… much.”  
Back underground, the students are in quite the predicament. Doubt and fear begin to cloud their senses as the Guard Dog’s beady eyes focuses on them.  
“Guys, listen to me,” Dib says, his voice trembling slightly. “It’s a hell hound. It’s basically just a monster dog. It’s nothing to be afraid of.”  
“There’s still monster in that statement,” Kyle whimpers.  
“We have no choice, we have to go back,” Amanda says.  
“I’m not retreating!” Dib exclaims, “now when we’re so close. Escape is just on the other side of this room and you wanna leave? No way! I went hand-to-hand with a hogulus. This isn’t gonna stop me!”  
“Dib’s right,” Squee agrees, “we’ve come too far to retreat now.”  
“I agree, yo,” Jones announces, “this mutt ain’t gonna stop us.”  
“Anybody who wants to go back is allowed to do so,” Pepito states, “but the rest of us will be escaping.”  
Nobody moves, not even Kyle or Amanda. Their fear and doubt suddenly dissolves, to be replaced with determination. The dog sees the change in the students and growls menacingly.  
“How are we going to get past him?” Amanda asks.  
“The same way we got past the teachers,” Squee replies, “except this will be harder since we don’t have much running space.”  
“The door is probably locked,” Pepito says, “can anyone pick locks?”  
“Why can’t you open it like last time?” Carmen asks.  
“I can’t use my powers too often, especially when I’m malnourished,” Pepito replies.  
“I can get it open,” Dib says.  
“Good. When the way is clear, get to the door and open it as fast as possible. Everyone else, distract the dog as much as possible. Understand?”  
“Yes!” The students exclaim.  
“Then let’s show this mutt who should fear who,” Pepito smirks.  
Back on the surface, Johnny closes The Principal’s office door as he and the rest of the crew enter the hallway.  
He groans and rubs his hands on his pants. “I got fucking rope burn.”  
“Couldn’t you have been a little nicer?” Tenna asks.  
Johnny considers the question then replies with, “nope.”  
“Alright, team,” Zim announces, “let’s go find that entrance so we can meet Dib… and the others… when they escape.”  
“Who put you in charge?” Devi asks.  
“Zim did!” he exclaims and races down the stairs. Everyone else follows close behind.  
Considering Skool’s been closed for over two hours, they make it to the back field without any problems. They look around for something that might resemble a door, but they see nothing.  
“Does it specify where the entrance is?” Devi asks.  
“No, it just says in the back field,” Gaz replies as she looks the paper.  
“Well, I guess all we can do is look around,” Johnny shrugs.  
“Everyone split up and find that door,” Zim demands. Gir, Minimoose, and Skoodge stay close to him as he marches off. Nugget hangs off Nny’s shoulder to join him on his search; Devi, Tenna, and Gaz go off on their own.  
Zim pulls on his goggles and looks around. Even with their x-ray feature, the entrance doesn’t jump out to him. But he doesn’t let that get him down. He’ll know the entrance when he sees it. He will free his Dib… and all those other people too.  
The others have worse luck than Zim since they don’t even have x-ray goggles. They can only rely on patience.  
Unfortunately Johnny doesn’t have a lot of patience. It doesn’t take long for him to stop pacing and growl, annoyed.  
“Alright, calm down, Johnny,” he tells himself, “this is harder than it should be. I just need to calm down and trust my instincts.”  
Nugget meows, as if to agree.  
“Instinct’s not helpful,” Gaz scoffs, “instinct is just guesses brain convinces you are true.”  
“I disagree,” Johnny says plainly, “you should never doubt a killer instinct.”  
He turns and stares down the field. He watches everyone look around silently until his eyes fall on the disguised, little alien boy. He’s walking a few feet away from Zim. For a second Johnny wonders how those tiny legs can even hold him up.  
Then the back of his neck shudders.  
“Hey, half-pint!” he shouts. Skoodge looks at him, surprised. “Yeah, you! Don’t move!”  
Johnny runs over to him. He picks up the little Irken by the top of his head and steps right where he was standing.  
“A-ha! It’s right here,” he announces.  
“The entrance? How do you know?” Devi asks.  
“Listen,” he commands and stomps his foot. “See? It sounds hollow.”  
“Oh, yeah. It does,” Tenna nods.  
“How’d you know?” Gaz asks.  
Johnny taps his head. “Instinct.”  
“Excuse me? Can you put me down?” Skoodge asks nervously.  
“Oh, right. Sorry,” he says as he puts the little Irken down.  
“There’s definitely something here,” Devi nods as she runs her hand across the ground. “But there’s too much grass. How are we gonna get rid of it?”  
“On it,” Zim announces. His PAK opens up and out comes four, sharp, metal spider legs. Everyone manages to scramble out of the way before he can swing them.  
His legs slice the grass down to the grain, exposing the hidden entrance. It’s two large, metal doors imbedded into the dirt. But there’s no handle.  
“How do we open it?” Devi asks.  
“Pull it,” Tenna suggests as she kneels down and tries to grip the doors.  
“No, no, no,” Gaz snaps, “you push it.” She bends down and tries to push it open.  
“While you guys figure that out, I’m going to call Dib and the others and see how they’re doing,” Zim announces.  
“Put it on speaker phone,” Nny demands.  
Zim dials Squee’s cell number, being extra sure to put it on speaker. It takes longer than usual for someone to answer and Zim can’t help but be a little worried.  
Relief immediately washes over him when someone picks up. “Hello?” Squee answers. There’s tons of background noises, lots of shouting and roaring sounds.  
“Squee? Are you okay? What’s going on?” Zim asks.  
“We’re fine,” he replies, “just ran into a bit of trouble.”  
“Well, we’re waiting for you at the entrance,” he says, “we can’t get it open right now but we’ll figure it out.”  
“Alright, we’ll be there as soon as-.” Squee is suddenly cut off when someone yells, “watch out, Squee!”  
There’s a loud roar, a scream, a bit of banging, and the line goes dead.  
“Squee?” Zim questions. Everybody stops what they’re doing and look at him worriedly. “Squee? Dib? Anybody?”  
Zim quickly redials the number but nobody picks up. He rubs his stomach as his squeedly spooch ties into a thousand knots.  
“Oh no.”


	7. Underground Classrooms part seven

Squee grabs a pencil from his bag and whips it at the Guard Dog. It bounces harmlessly off his head, it still pisses him off.  
“Give me some of those,” Pepito demands. Squee pulls out a handful of cheap pens and pencils and passes them around the group.  
“Everybody, load up your arsenals,” Pepito orders, “ready, aim, fire.”  
They throw their projectile weapons at the dog, pissing him off to no end. He roars angrily and charges them.  
“Scatter!” Pepito exclaims. The kids jump out of the way and scramble in all directions. Dib takes the chance and races over to the door. He reaches into his sweater and pulls out a small pencil case full of small, sharp tool- screwdrivers and such. He flips it open and gets to work on the door.  
The Guard Dog doesn’t even notice Dib. He’s too busy chasing after the little rats. Right now his sights are set on Squee and Nathan.  
They race around the room, barely managing to stay ahead of the warm, dripping choppers. But for how long?  
Squee pushes Nathan out of the way, right into Jones’ arms. Then he jumps in the opposite direction. The dog is flustered by the sudden movements and slides to a stop.  
As Squee starts to stand up he realizes his phone is vibrating. He quickly ducks behind Kyle and answers it.  
“Hello?”  
“Squee? Are you okay? What’s going on?” Zim asks.  
Squee sticks his finger in his ear to block out the barking and shouting. “We’re fine. Just ran into a bit of trouble.”  
“Well, we’re waiting for you at the entrance,” Zim says, “we can’t get it open right now but we’ll figure it out.”  
“Alright. We’ll be there as soon as-.” Squee is suddenly cut off when he hears Kyle shout, “watch out, Squee!”  
He turns around just in time to see the Guard Dog’s paw swinging at him. His eyes widen as it gets closer and closer, too shocked to do anything.  
Pepito tackles Squee. He shows as the dog’s paw scrapes the back of his head. Squee’s phone flies out of his hand as they slide across the floor, only coming to a stop when they hit the wall.  
Squee opens his eyes and looks at Pepito, who is lying on top of him. He gasps when he sees a distinct red liquid dripping from his head. “Pepito!”  
Pepito stirs and looks at the distressed Squee. He winces from the pain in his head as he sits up. “Squee. Are you okay? What’s wrong?”  
“You’re bleeding,” he squeaks.  
Pepito rubs the back of his head and sees blood on his hand. He quickly wipes it away. “It’s okay. It’s not as bad as it looks,” he smiles reassuringly.  
Tears prick Squee’s eyes. “Why did you do that?”  
Pepito gasps when he sees his eyes glistening. “Squee, are you… crying?”  
Squee flinches and quickly tries to wipe them away.  
“You’re that worried about me,” Pepito mutters. He grabs Squee’s hand and pulls them away. He stares at his face, at the tears still in his eyes, a strange feeling washing over him. Squee stares back at him, surprised by his reaction.  
“Squee! Pepito! Move it!” Carmen squeals. The boys look up and see the Guard Dog charging them.  
But this time, Squee is on point.  
“Shmee!” he shouts. Right on cue, Shmee jumps off his head. As he hits the ground he enters this plane of existence. The dog stops and stares at him with surprise. Shmee stares back at him and smirks.  
“The-the bear is moving,” Dib murmurs.  
“Dib, focus!” Pepito snaps.  
“Oh, right,” he squeaks and goes back to opening the door.  
Shmee jumps up high and lands on the dog’s head. He howls and tries to shake him off, but he hangs on tight even though he doesn’t have fingers.  
Now the dog is too focused on Shmee to worry about the kids. They run over to Dib so they can be ready to escape.  
The Guard Dog roars with frustration and turns to drastic measures. He rushes head first into the wall, hoping to crush Shmee in the impact. But the agile bear easily jumps out of the way. So the dog just damages himself and the wall.  
A huge crack travels up the already brittle wall. It slams into the ceiling which immediately begins to shudder and fall apart.  
“Shmee!” Squee exclaims. Shmee jumps back, grabs Squee’s cell phone, then hops over to Squee’s head.  
“Dib! Hurry up!” Kyle shouts as rocks and rubble begin from the ceiling.  
“I got it!” Dib exclaim as the door finally clicks. He pushes it open and the kids dash into the dark hall without a second thought.  
The tunnel is collapsing just feet behind them. As they race on ahead, praying they find the exit before they get crushed, Squee grabs his phone from Shmee. He dials Zim’s number and holds it up to his ear.  
Zim answers surprisingly quick. “Dib? Squee?”  
“It’s Squee. Sorry, I must’ve worried you when the line got cut,” he says quickly, “but we’re okay… mostly.”  
“I can barely hear you. What’s going on?” he asks.  
“The tunnels are collapsing. Have you got the entrance door open yet?” Squee asks frantically.  
“No, not yet. It’s jammed or something,” Zim replies, “but we’ll get it. Just don’t stop moving.”  
Squee suddenly shouts with surprise when a large stone falls inches from his ankles. He loses his balance but fortunately Pepito catches and steadies him.  
“Squee?” Zim exclaims.  
“I’m fine. Stay on the line,” Squee demands.  
The kids pick up the pace and charge ahead of the falling rocks and dirt. They start gaining some good ground, but slide to a sudden stop when they run into a dilemma: a fork in the road. Two separate tunnels, one going left and one going right. Neither specifies where the exit is.  
“What do we do?” Dib asks, “the wrong choice could mean death!”  
Nathan screams when a rock crashes inches from his feet.  
“But staying here will mean death!” Pepito exclaims.  
The kids pant, exhausted and frantic, as they look left and right. They don’t know where to go and they don’t have time to decide.  
Back on the surface, Devi, Tenna, Gaz, and Skoodge are still trying to figure out how to open the door. Johnny is standing by, watching the spectacle and Zim is pacing back and forth, Gir and Minimoose at his heels.  
Zim groans and rubs his head. All this stress is not good for his antennae. The door is not opening and Dib and the others are about to be crushed by an avalanche. They don’t have much time left. They have to figure this out.  
Johnny examines the door curiously. The girls and little alien boy have tried to open it every which way but it won’t budge. They must be missing something. A switch? A code word? Or maybe it’s something simpler.  
He notices how the ends of the doors stick into the dirt, just under the grass. There’s a slight gap between the ground and the door, but no sign of hinges.  
An idea surfaces in his brain and he immediately latches onto it.  
He reaches into his jacket and pulls out a large machete with a long, thin blade.  
“Move it!” he barks as he marches onto the door. Devi, Tenna, Gaz, and Skoodge scramble out of the way. They don’t know what he’s doing but they do know to stay well out of the way when he’s got a knife.  
Johnny lifts the blade above his head and drives it into the crack between the double doors. He works it in there until it’s stuck right good, then bends the knife to the left and tries to pry the door open.  
“Johnny, what are you doing?” Devi groans, “that’s never going to get the doors open.”  
“Yes, it will,” Nny grunts. He grits his teeth and pulls with all his might.  
Finally, will a slight ‘pop’ the doors tear apart and begin sliding into the ground. Johnny loses his balance but quickly catches himself before he can fall through the opening.  
“They’re like automatic doors,” Tenna exclaims.  
“Maybe instinct does work,” Gaz mutters.  
Zim growls, annoyed at Johnny for being smarter than him. Still, he did get the door open.  
He runs over to them and they look into the entrance. It looks like a large, dark hole that just goes straight down. They can’t see anything, but they do hear faint rumbling.  
Zim lifts up his phone. “Squee? Squee, are you there?”  
“We’re here, Zim. What’s going on?” he asks. Zim can barely hear him over the background noise.  
“We got the door open. Where are you guys?”  
“We ran into a bit of trouble… again. We’re at a crossroads but I can’t decide which way to go.”  
Zim considers the situation quickly before deciding on a solution. “Alright, don’t move. Help is coming.”  
“Gir!” he barks. The little green dog lands in front of him and salutes. “Go down there and find Dib and the others. Then bring them to me. Hurry!”  
“Okey dokey,” Gir chirps. Fire bursts from the bottoms of his little legs as he flies into the dark tunnel.  
“Will that weird little dog thing be able to save them?” Johnny asks.  
“Yes,” Zim nods confidently, “he is my minion after all.”  
“That’s not very reassuring,” he mutters.  
“Fire just exploded from that dog’s legs, we’re not going to address that?” Devi asks.  
Before anyone can reply, something horrible starts happening.  
The doors start closing.  
“The doors are closing!” Skoodge shouts.  
“They must be on a timer!” Johnny exclaims. He jumps over to the left side of the entrance and grabs the edge of the door. He digs his heels into the dirt and holds it still with monster strength.  
Everybody runs over to the sides and grabs the doors. With great difficulty and average teamwork they manage to hold the doors still, but for how long? How long until they lose their strength and the doors slam shut? How long before Dib and the others show up?  
“Hurry up, Gir,” Zim grunts.  
Back underground, not far from where the crew is struggling, Squee and the others are doing their very best to stay alive. They dodge the fall rocks and dirt but they won’t last much longer. Pretty soon the entire corridor will cave in.  
“We can’t stay here much longer,” Amanda points out.  
“Zim said to stay put,” Squee retorts.  
“But for how long?” Jones asks. Nobody is able to answer.  
Dib almost allows for hopelessness to wash over him like everyone else. That is until he hears a high pitched squeal echoing down the right hallway.  
“Not long,” he beams.  
A little green dog with bug-eyes flies down the hall, fire blasting from his legs. He cheers when he sees Dib and latches onto his big head.  
“Monkey man!” he squeals.  
“Gir,” Dib smiles, “can you get us out of here?”  
“Yeth,” Gir says affirmatively, his tongue sticking out.  
“Good. Take us to Zim,” Dib demands.  
Gir lets go of Dib’s head and stands at the ready. Dib grabs onto his little, nubby arm and sticks out his hand to the group.  
“Everyone hold onto each other,” he orders.  
“That… little dog… is going to get us out of here?” Nathan asks sceptically.  
“Yes. Not that we have much of a choice at this point,” Dib replies.  
Squee nods and grabs Dib’s hand. Then Pepito grabs Squee’s; Carmen grabs Pepito’s; Kyle grabs Carmen’s; Amanda grabs Kyle’s; Jones grabs Amanda’s; and finally, Nathan grabs Jones’.  
“Everybody hold on tight,” Dib demands, “go, Gir!”  
“Woo!” Gir squeals and flies down the hall. The kids scream with surprise as they dangle behind him, holding onto each other with all their might.  
On the surface, which is steadily getting closer, Zim and the others are having a much harder time holding the door open. Their fingers are starting to slip and their strength is waning. They just need… a few more… seconds…  
Screaming sounds from the tunnel. They open their eyes just as Gir flies out, towing a chain of teenagers behind him. He stops flying a few feet from the ground and looks around.  
“Yay!” he cheers, waving his little arms around and letting go of Dib’s hand.  
“Eh?” Dib squeaks before they plummet right back towards the entrance.  
Johnny watches the spectacle with wide eyes. As soon as Gir lets go of Dib, he slips his fingers off the door without even blinking.  
Zim and the others lose their grip and balance as the doors slam shut. They slam face first into the door at the same time as Dib and the other students. They all land in a messy pile while Johnny sits on the ground, letting out a big sigh.  
The kids pant and sit up. They look at the door then at their surroundings, excitement slowly filling their veins.  
“We-we did it,” Amanda breathes.  
“We’re alive,” Kyle pants.  
“We’re out,” Pepito smiles.  
They jump to their feet and rush onto the grass, cheering and dancing excitedly. Squee and Dib watch them happily. Of course they’re glad they’re out too, but not nearly as happy as the other students. Even the usually composed Pepito is celebrating.  
“Dib!” Zim exclaims.  
“Zim,” Dib smiles. They run up to each other and hug tight.  
“I’m sorry I left you back there with Smacky,” Zim says quietly so only Dib can hear him.  
“Idiot. Don’t apologize,” Dib chuckles, “it doesn’t suit you.”  
Zim smiles that sweet smile that only Dib sees. Dib smiles back and they start to lean in. It would be a touching kiss scene if it wasn’t for one little problem.  
“Hey, Dib!” Amanda calls, “is that Zim? He’s cute.”  
“Yeah,” Carmen agrees, “you have good taste.”  
Dib’s face turns so red, steam nearly escapes his ears. Zim just cocks his head curiously.  
Squee laughs as he watches the pair. He starts to stand up when Nugget runs up to him and jumps into his arms.  
“Nugget!” he cheers and hugs the cat as he turns around. Devi and Tenna are sat on the grass, rubbing their burning fingers. Johnny stands up and glances at Squee.  
Squee beams and runs up to him. He drops Nugget and hugs Nny tightly, pressing his face into his belly. Nny grunts a little at the pressure but quickly relaxes. He sighs and hugs him back, resting one hand on his head and the other on his shoulder.  
It would be a touching moment, if it wasn’t for one little problem.  
“Hey, Squee! Is that Johnny?” Kyle asks, “he’s your guardian, right?”  
Squee winces and spins around as Kyle and Jones walk up to them.  
“Why didn’t you talk about him more? He looks awesome,” Jones comments.  
“Yeah, well,” Squee mutters and scratches his neck. “I don’t… talk much.”  
“I noticed,” Kyle smirks.  
“What about these good looking chicks?” Jones asks as he eyes Devi and Tenna. “What’s up, babes? I’m Jones.”  
“What are you, like twelve?” Devi scoffs.  
“Seventeen,” he replies.  
“Right,” she groans and rolls her eyes.  
Squee sighs and rubs his head. He looks up at Johnny. He cocks his eyebrow and ruffles the kid’s hair. Squee smiles.  
“So what now?” Nathan asks.  
“I don’t know,” Amanda replies, “it’s weird, finally being free.”  
“I think first I’m going to find my family again,” Carmen says.  
“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea,” Kyle nods, “and I wanna go back to school. Not this school. A less crazy school.”  
“Then you wouldn’t fit in,” Pepito scoffs.  
“We’re finally free to do what we want, yo,” Jones cheers.  
“And it’s all thanks to Dib and Squee,” Carmen smiles.  
“Us?” Dib questions.  
“Yeah,” Kyle agrees, “we were ready to give up so many times. But you two kept pushing us. It was inspirational.”  
“You’re like our heroes,” Amanda cheers.  
“Me, a hero? Kind of unorthodox,” Squee comments, “are you sure about that?”  
They laugh as they grab onto Dib and Squee and dance around the field. Dib smiles and basks in the praise, but Squee is a little more unsure. He just lets the kids swing him around, not really sure how to feel about it.  
Johnny watches the celebrating children with surprise. But a sad smile finds its way onto his face.  
“I guess it was a good idea to let him go to Skool,” he muses.  
“Of course,” Devi agrees, “Skool isn’t just about learning or having your mind erased. It’s also for socializing.”  
Tenna nods affirmatively.  
“Well, I think Dib is socializing too much,” Zim grumbles, “he belongs to Zim, I should be the only one who dances with him.”  
Gaz draws her bat and clonks it on Zim’s head.


	8. Underground Classrooms part eight

A few hours later  
Johnny is driving Squee, Nugget, and Pepito back to the South End. It’s evening; the sun can barely be seen over the horizon.  
Devi and Tenna offered to drive the other kids home- or wherever else they wanted to go. But they refused and chose to walk. But not before getting Squee and Dib’s cell phone numbers. They promised to contact them when they can.  
As for Pepito, Squee had a somewhat devious but completely heartfelt plan in mind for him and with Nny’s help he’s going to see it through.  
From the backseat, Pepito immediately recognizes the neighborhood as they enter. He feels his stomach tighten and he slowly leans forward.  
“Um, Squee? Where are we going?” he asks. Squee just smiles innocently in reply.  
Pepito’s suspicions are confirmed when Johnny pulls up in front of an incredibly familiar house.  
“No way,” he croaks.  
“Come on, Pepito,” Squee chimes as he gets out of the car.  
“No way,” Pepito says, louder this time.  
“Come on. There’s no reason to be scared,” Squee coos as he opens the backseat door.  
“I’m not scared!” Pepito snaps.  
“Then let’s go.” Squee tugs him out of the car and shoves him down the front walk. He stumbles all the way up to the door. He glances at Squee questionably. He motions for him to keep going.  
Pepito swallows hard and slowly lifts his trembling hand. After what seems like an eternity, but was really only a few seconds, he rings the doorbell.  
The chime is heard throughout the house and the sound of footsteps slowly grows louder. Pepito’s heart jumps into his throat. What if they don’t even live here anymore? What if new people moved in? What-?  
The door opens and all of his doubts suddenly wash away at the sight of the familiar woman. She looks tired and slightly unkempt, but it’s her.  
“P-Pepito,” she stutters, her voice cracking.  
“Mother,” he breathes.  
Tears of happiness stream down her face as she clutches her son to her chest. “Oh, Pepito! You’re back! I knew you’d return!”  
Pepito is surprised at first but it doesn’t last long. Despite himself, tears also prick his eyes. He smiles and hugs his mother back. “I’m home, Mom.”  
Squee watches the scene with a smile. He watches as the mother squeezes Pepito so tight his horns nearly pop off; as she lets him go and examines every inch of him; as she talks randomly about who knows what, and Pepito listens to every word.  
Just as Squee is about to leave the happy reunion, Pepito looks at him and their eyes lock. He turns away and says something to his mom, pointing at Squee as he does so. She nods, kisses his forehead, and goes back into the house. Pepito, however, runs over to Squee.  
“Come for a walk with me,” he insists.  
“A walk?” Squee questions. He glances at Johnny, knowing he heard every word. He shrugs apathetically.  
Squee smiles and nods, “alright.”  
Pepito beams and leads the way down the sidewalk. Squee holds Shmee to his chest and follows after him. Johnny watches them until they turn the corner, then drives back home.  
Squee and Pepito walk until the sky grows dark from the sun’s disappearance. Then they just keep walking in comfortable silence. They finally stop at a park and sit on a bench.  
“Thank you for that,” Pepito sighs.  
“What?” Squee asks.  
“For make me see her. I was scared. Scared that she’d be gone or wouldn’t remember me,” he admits, “juvenile, I know. That’s why I’m thanking you. You never let anything hold you or anyone else back. You really are my hero.”  
Squee smiles bashfully. “Well, I couldn’t let you think your parents abandoned you without proof.”  
“My mom didn’t, but my dad did,” Pepito mutters.  
“What?”  
“Mom told me that a few months after I disappeared, Father left,” he explains, “I guess I was the only reason he even stayed on Earth. And when I disappeared, he went back to Hell. He just didn’t feel the need to stay with my mother.”  
“I’m sorry, Pepito,” Squee sighs.  
“Squee… can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone?” he asks.  
“Sure.  
“As the Antichrist, my job is to use my powers to shroud darkness on the world and rule with fear. My father beat that into me my whole life,” Pepito explains, “but recently- a couple of years ago to be exact- I realized I don’t want to do that. Nobody asked me to be the Antichrist. Why should I be forced to do something I don’t want to do? Give the job to somebody who actually wants it.”  
“The truth is… I actually have something I want to do. I guess you could call it a dream. But when I told Father, he completely disapproved.”  
“Well, you can tell me,” Squee smiles.  
Pepito doesn’t say anything and looks away.  
“I wanna be a famous writer,” he says suddenly, “not for the fame. I just want people to read my stories and enjoy them as much as I do.”  
Pepito looks at him with surprise. He slowly rubs his horns and looks away.  
“I… I want to be a musician. A lead guitarist in a rock band. I even had my own guitar. Mom got it for me as a birthday present a couple years ago.”  
“But Father took it away from me. He said dreams were a human thing and I should just focus on my destiny,” he concludes.  
Squee is silent for a second. He’s never done a big, emotional speech before. But he feels this situation calls for one.  
“Destiny is what you make of it,” he says, “nobody can force you to do something you don’t want to, or stop you from doing something you love. Your only obstacle is yourself. Your father can’t control you.”  
“That’s easy for you to say,” Pepito scoffs, “nothing’s holding you back.”  
“That’s true,” Squee nods, “but isn’t it always better to be who you want to be instead of what other people expect you to be? It’s your life after all.”  
He smiles. “And I think you’d make a great musician.”  
Pepito’s heart swells up at the sight of his smile and the strangest urge suddenly washes over him. He grabs Squee’s hand and leans in close, so close that their lips almost touch and Squee’s eyes widen.  
He suddenly stops. He smiles slightly and rests his forehead on Squee’s shoulder.  
“I’ve never met anyone like you,” Pepito says, “you’re just so… pure. You looked pure when you cried for me back in the Underground Classrooms. And you looked pure just now, when you smiled. But it’s better when you smile.”  
“Smile more, Squee. And support me. Nobody’s ever done that before, not outwardly. It’s a really nice feeling.”  
Squee doesn’t say anything. He just sits there, stiff and unsure as Pepito nuzzles his shoulder.  
Finally after a couple minutes, he moves away.  
“It’s getting late,” he says, “we should get going. Come on, I’ll walk you home.”  
They leave the park and walk back in relatively awkward silence, considering what just happened. They did nearly kiss after all. But more than feel embarrassed, they both just feel tired.  
They arrive at house number 777 in a few minutes. Squee looks back at Pepito. Their eyes lock and they just stare.  
Pepito smiles and waves, “later.”  
Squee’s heart nearly jumps out of his throat at the sight. He doesn’t say anything; he’s afraid of what might come out if he opens his mouth.  
Pepito turns and walks away. Squee watches for a second before going into the house.  
Johnny and Nugget are sitting on the couch watching TV. They both look up as Squee enters.  
“Hey, you were gone a while,” Johnny states. He cocks his head curiously. “Are you okay? Your face is bright red.”  
“I’m fine,” Squee says quickly, “it’s just… a little chilly. I’m gonna go have a shower.”  
He trots past the TV and into the bathroom. Johnny stares after him, confused, before turning back to the TV.  
The next day, Wendy, The Principal’s secretary, checks the time on her clock.  
“8:00. Skool’s about to begin,” she states. She taps the button on her intercom. “Sir, it’s time to give your morning announcements.”  
There’s no reply from the other end.  
She taps the button again. “Sir?”  
This time there’s a slight buzzing, almost like there’s a voice from far away.  
Wendy stands up and walks over to The Principal’s door. She’s not allowed in there unless it’s for an emergency. She figures this clarifies.  
She grabs her keys and unlocks the door. It opens ominously.  
“Sir- ah!” she screams with surprise. The Principal and his subordinates are hanging upside down from the ceiling, ropes wrapped all around their bodies. They’re all tied above their respective chairs.  
And that’s not all. In front of the door, just inches from Wendy’s feet, are tons of pit bulls, their paws tied together. They snap and yip at Wendy but aren’t close enough to hurt her.  
“Ah, Wendy,” The Principal sighs, “you do the morning announcements today. I’m a little… tied up at the moment. Oh and don’t tell anyone about this. Really.”  
Wendy nods slowly and closes the door behind her.  
A little way down the hall, Miss Sweeties’ students file into the classroom. Dib, Zim, and Squee collapse at their desks and sighs.  
“So much stuff happened yesterday,” Zim says, “we probably saved the whole Skool with the destruction of the Underground Classrooms. But will anyone know it about it? No!”  
“Yeah. Even though a lot of things happened, the world keeps spinning the same way,” Dib sighs.  
“Is that such a problem?” Squee asks, “we know it happened. Who care about everyone else?”  
Zim scoffs but Dib smiles and nods agreeably. He may have been too quick to judge Squee. He’s actually pretty cool.  
The intercom chimes and a woman’s voice comes through. “Good morning, students. My apologies but The Principal is unable to make the morning announcements so I will be taking his place.”  
“Oh, yeah, Zim. What happened with The Principal yesterday?” Squee asks.  
Zim shudders as he remembers the screams of The Principals and his subordinates and the yips of the pit bulls as they try to escape the wrath that is Johnny C.  
Before Zim can answer, the announcements finish and Miss Sweeties begins talking.  
“Guess what, class? We have another new student,” she cheers, “he’s running a little late but we’ll forgive him since it is his first day.”  
The classroom door suddenly opens as the new kid walks in. He’s wearing slim, black boots, tight, blue jeans, a red muscle shirt with ‘BAD BOY’ in black, pink and black arm warmers, a black beanie, and a necklace with a gold lock pendant.  
The girls immediately swoon at his good looks. The guys nod approvingly at his coolness. Zim, Dib, and Squee just stare at him with surprise.  
“My apologies for being late. I assure you it won’t happen again,” he says.  
“It’s okay. Why don’t you introduce yourself to the class?” Miss Sweeties suggests.  
“Certainly. I am Pepito Diablo,” he bows and smiles, “it’s so nice to meet all of you.”  
“It’s nice to meet you too, Pepito,” Miss Sweeties beams, “now we just need to find you a seat.”  
“Oh, it’s okay. I know where I want to sit,” Pepito says. He walks past Squee and stops at the desk right behind him. “Excuse me, may I sit here?”  
The girl in the desk, Aki, looks up at him with hearts in her eyes before quickly getting out of the desk. “Oh, sure. No problem.”  
“Thank you,” Pepito smiles as he takes his seat.  
Squee stiffens immediately. He is severely conscious of Pepito’s presence. Why did he have to sit behind him?  
“Okay, class. Let’s get to work,” Miss Sweeties sings.  
Squee whimpers. How am I supposed to work with my heart pounding like this?  
After class, Squee sighs as he opens his locker. He could barely hear Miss Sweeties over the deafening sound of his heartbeat. The entire class could probably hear it.  
He notices the locker beside him open up. He looks over and his heart nearly jumps out of his chest.  
“Hey, looks like we’re locker buddies too,” Pepito chimes.  
“Pepito, what are you doing here?” Squee asks frantically, “none of the other guys came back.”  
“Well, I thought about what you said and I realized you’re right,” Pepito replies, “this is my life and no one can control, least of all my father. So I decided to focus entirely on my music career.”  
“At first I considered going to a music school- there’s a nice one up here, you know- but then I decided to finish High School. I think it’d be good to have my diploma. And besides.” He stands in front of Squee and forces him against the lockers, holding him there between his arms. He leans in real close so their faces are only inches apart.  
“If I go to this Skool, I can be with you five days a week,” he says, his voice low and sensual.  
Squee tries to say something but barely a squeak can escape his closed off throat.  
Pepito giggles and kisses his forehead. Squee shudders from the contact and turns even redder.  
“It’s okay to be embarrassed,” he smirks, “you just don’t understand yet how much of an honour it is to have the Antichrist fall for you.”  
With that, Pepito takes his leave, strutting down the hallway. Squee covers his mouth as his face lights on fire.  
The bell rings, signalling the next class. Squee sighs and drudges down the hall. He drags himself through the classroom and collapses at his desk, right in front of the grinning Pepito.  
“What’s wrong with you?” Dib asks. Squee waves the question away and rests his head in Shmee’s lap.  
Though Squee himself doesn’t understand it, the reason he started going to school again was so he could gain a sense of normality in his crazy, upside down life. Unfortunately for Squee, ‘normal’ was never even in his dictionary.


	9. Attack of the Bloody-Thirsty Stuffies

“North Arc High School. Ten years ago it was the site of a horrific massacre. Almost every teacher and student was on the list of causalities, along with a gunman serial killer.”  
“Now, over ten years later, the mayor of our fine city has decided to reopen the high school, and hopes it will become the house of academia it once was. In other news…”  
Johnny yawns as he absentmindedly watches the city news. As usual there are no good stories.  
He perks up when he hears Squee coming down the hall. He’s straightening his bag and zipping up his sweater.  
“You ready for Skool?” Nny asks.  
Squee smiles. “Yup.”

Squee strides into the classroom, Shmee perched proudly on his head. He feels his heart skip a little when Pepito grins at he takes his seat.  
“You know,” he yawns, “one of the good things about the Underground Classrooms is that we didn’t actually have any classes so we didn’t have to worry about getting up before 8.”  
“Aw, poor baby,” Dib says sarcastically.  
“Actually I have to agree with Pepito,” Squee muses, “after two years of staying up late and sleeping in late, an alarm clock is very unsettling.”  
“Ha. Pitiful little hyumans,” Zim comments, “my body has long gotten used to the Skool’s schedule. Just goes to show how much more superior I am to you.”  
The second bell rings and Miss Sweeties strides in, her usual glowing smile plastered on her face.  
“Good morning, class,” she sings.  
“Good morning, Miss Sweeties,” the class replies apathetically.  
“Today is your first day of classes! Isn’t that exciting?” she squeals.  
The class groans.  
“Wasn’t it supposed to be yesterday?” Zita asks.  
“Yes, but The Principal had to postpone it for some reason,” Miss Sweeties replies.  
“Anyway, here is your schedule for the year,” she announces as she hands out sheets to the students. “I will be your homeroom and English teacher. Mr. Serene will be your math and science teacher.”  
“There is a slight change however. Your previous history teacher, Mr. Stifling, was let go. He was suffering from a slight case of schizophrenia. Kept saying the globe was talking to him.”  
“It’s a possessed globe! I’m telling you!” Dib exclaims.  
“Settle down, Dib,” Miss Sweeties scolds.  
Dib fumes quietly while the class giggles at him.  
“Anyway, instead of hiring a new history teacher, the Skool board took a cheaper route and gave the title to one of our older teachers,” she concludes, “I’m sure most of you probably know her. So please go downstairs to classroom B1 to begin your history.”  
Everyone in the class shudders simultaneously. “Oh no.”  
Squee and Pepito watch curiously as their classmates grumble and slowly make their way to the first floor.  
“If it’s B1 then that can only mean one thing,” Melvin whimpers.  
“I thought we were done with her in junior high,” Poonchy whines.  
“You can’t be done with her,” Zim growls, “she’s like a virus.”  
“What are you guys talking about?” Pepito asks.  
“Oh, that’s right,” Zita nods, “you and Squee are new so you wouldn’t know.”  
“Know what?” Squee asks.  
“Our new history teacher, she was our homeroom teacher in junior high,” Mary explains.  
“Who is she?” Pepito asks.  
Before anyone can answer, they enter classroom B1, and a horrifying chill runs up their spines. There is a tall, dark, thin figure sitting at the teacher’s desk. She stands up and faces the students.  
“Good morning, class,” she hisses, “I’m your new history teacher, Ms. Bitters.”  
The class groans, completely dejected.  
“Everyone take a seat, and I’ll do roll call,” she demands.  
Everyone schleps past her to choose a seat. She watches them all with disgust until a familiar scent fills her nostrils. She slides out of her desk like a snake and suddenly appears before Squee and Pepito.  
“You two are new,” she comments, “what are your names?”  
“Pepito Diablo.”  
“Uh, um, Squee C.”  
“C?” she questions. Something about him smells familiar. She inhales deeply as she tries to identify his scent. It’s not really his musk though. It’s more like a different scent sticking to his.  
“Have you, or anyone you know, ever attended North Arc High School?” she asks.  
“Um no I-I don’t think so,” Squee replies.  
“North Arc High School? Wasn’t that place shut down over ten years ago?” Brian asks.  
“Yeah, but it’s being reopened again today,” Zita replies.  
“I heard it’s full of ghosts because everyone there was killed,” Dib says excitedly.  
“Enough about the past,” Ms. Bitters snaps, “now let’s discuss history. You two, take your seats.”  
Squee and Pepito sit in the two desks next to Zim and Dib in the front. Squee doesn’t like Ms. Bitters. He can practically see the evil radiating off of her.  
The next eighty minutes or so are rather uneventful. Ms. Bitters passes out the new history textbooks that have to weigh at least fifty pounds, explains her curriculum for the semester, then begins her lesson. For the next two weeks they’re going to be learning about the Baconhawk and the effect it had on Belgium in the eighteenth century.  
…or at least, that’s what they thought. But in the last few minutes of class, Ms. Bitters drops a bombshell.  
“Tomorrow we will have your first exam of the year,” she announces, “it will be on the entire first part of the chapter and will count for 25% of your grade.”  
“Tomorrow?” Dib exclaims.  
“25%?” Zita squeals.  
“The entire first part?” Zim questions, “but that’s like twenty pages and we only covered three today.”  
“This is how I will run my High Skool class,” Ms. Bitters growls, “so get used to it!”  
“Pure evil,” Squee hisses quietly.  
The bell finally rings and everybody scatters out of the classroom. They gripe about the upcoming test as they make their way to the second floor.  
“Tomorrow! Can you believe it?” Dib shouts.  
“And 25%. That’s a lot,” Squee comments, “that could be the difference between pass and fail.”  
“Well, I’m not going to let Ms. Bitters have the last laugh!” Zim declares, “I will pass and she’ll be sorry. Zim will show her! Zim will show her good!”  
“You’re taking this third person thing a bit too far,” Pepito mutters.  
“Hey, I got an idea,” Dib announces, “after Skool we should study together at my house. Then we’ll have a better chance of passing.”  
“That sounds good,” Squee smiles.  
“Yeah. Zim will be there,” Zim declares.  
“If Squee’s going, I’m going,” Pepito shrugs.  
“Great,” Dib smiles.  
After Skool, Squee rushes out to the street and over to Nny’s car. He pops the door open and pokes his head in.  
“Hey, we have a test tomorrow so we’re all going to study at Dib’s house,” he explains, “cool?”  
“Who’s all?” Johnny asks.  
“Dib, Zim, Pepito, and me,” he replies.  
“Alright,” he shrugs, “be sure to study hard.”  
“I will. I’ll call you if I need a ride,” Squee chimes and closes the door. Then he trots over to Dib and the others.  
“Jeez, why is this so heavy?” Dib whines as he struggles to carry his history textbook.  
“To crush the spirits and minds of its students,” Pepito replies.  
“Ha, this is nothing!” Zim laughs obnoxiously, “compared to Zim’s amazing strength, this book is little more than a feather.”  
“Great! Then Zim can carry mine,” Pepito chirps as he shoves his book into Zim’s arms.  
“And mine,” Dib agrees, doing the same.  
“And Squee’s,” Pepito adds as he gives him Squee’s book.  
Zim whimpers slightly at the weight on his skinny arms, but he doesn’t concede. He won’t! These cardboard-bound stacks of paper will not defeat the amazing Zim.  
By the time they make it to Dib’s house, Zim’s arms have absolutely no feeling. He drops all the books onto the living room floor and collapses onto the couch.  
“Victory,” he cheers into the upholstery.  
“Nothing can beat the amazing Zim, right?” Dib smiles.  
“Nothing.”  
“Alright, let’s study,” Dib orders. He, Squee, and Pepito grab their books and sit in front of the couch. Zim rolls over and opens his own.  
They stare blankly at the first page before encountering a problem that all teenagers have: apathy.  
“Hey, I heard from Kyle and the others this morning,” Pepito says.  
“Yeah, me too,” Squee smiles, “they all got back with their parents. I’m so happy for them.”  
“Me too,” he nods, “it’s a nice ending.”  
“Guys,” Dib barks impatiently. “Come on. We seriously have to study. We don’t have time to talk about that stuff.”  
“Didn’t they contact you?” Squee asks.  
“Of course. But I’m not going to talk about that now,” he snaps.  
“Alright, alright. We’ll study,” Pepito sighs and looks back at his book. They read quietly for a few minutes before another distraction pops up.  
The front door swings open and Gaz marches in.  
“What are you losers up to?” she asks.  
“Studying for a test,” Dib replies.  
“Already? It’s only the third day,” she points out.  
“Yeah, but our history teacher is pure evil,” Squee says.  
“Oh, yeah. You have Ms. Bitters, don’t you,” she chuckles.  
“You have no right to laugh,” Zim snaps.  
“She’s my homeroom teacher. I can laugh as much as I want,” she retorts.  
“Gaz, please go away and let us study in peace,” Dib begs.  
“Unfortunately, I can only do one or the other,” she says ominously before going upstairs.  
“She’s creepy,” Pepito comments.  
“Mm hm,” the others nod and agree.  
It’s pretty quiet after that and they actually manage to absorb some information. That is until Gaz’s cryptic prophecy is revealed.  
Loud rock music starts playing upstairs, completely blowing the boys’ concentration. They try to ignore it but it soon becomes too unbearable.  
Zim snaps and jumps to his feet. “We’re never going to get anything done with that horrid noise playing. I’ll set that hyuman smeet straight.”  
“Zim, that’s a terrible idea,” Dib warns.  
“I don’t care. We’ve been pushed around by that girl for too long,” he barks as he treks up the stairs. “Zim’s gonna show her who’s boss.”  
“Again with the third person,” Pepito sighs before they follow after the aggravated Irken.  
Zim marches over to Gaz’s bedroom door and shoves it open without even knocking. “Turn that damn music down!”  
Gaz immediately jumps to her feet. “Back off, bug boy. I can have my music as loud as I want.”  
“Not when Zim is studying for a useless, hyuman test,” he snaps and enters the bedroom.  
“Stay out of my room!” she shrieks.  
“Not until I turn down this antennae-destroying racket,” Zim grunts as he walks over to her stereo.  
Dib’s lived with Gaz long enough to know when her buttons are being pushed. Squee’s lived with Johnny long enough to know what murderous intent looks like. And Pepito… well, he’s not an idiot. So they all know that something terrible is about to happen.  
Zim pushes ‘pause’ on the stereo. Gaz snaps like a twig.  
“Security!”  
All of the stuffed animals in Gaz’s room come to life. Their eyes glow bright red as they sprout long, sharp fangs, razor sharp claws, and other such terrifying appendages.  
Zim shouts with surprise when they jump at him. He narrowly dodges them and scrambles out of the room.  
“Kill them! All four of them!” Gaz demands.  
“What? Why us?” Squee asks.  
“You’re accomplishes,” she barks.  
The dolls charge them. They scream and run out of the way, racing down the hall. They quickly dive into Dib’s room and lock the door.  
They pant and huddle together. Just as they start to calm down, the dolls ram against the door.  
The boys scream and jump back.  
“What do we do?” Squee asks frantically.  
“Your sister is crazy!” Pepito exclaims.  
“Don’t worry. She’ll call them off soon,” Dib says reassuringly.  
The doorknob starts jiggling. The boys jump and squeeze together as it starts unlocking from the inside.  
It swings open and Gaz steps in, holding a key in her hand. “I got the key from Dad’s room.”  
The dolls prowl past her and stalk towards their prey. The boys back away slowly until they hit the opposite wall.  
“Okay, Gaz, you win,” Dib says frantically, “we won’t bother you anymore. You can have your music as loud as you want. So call off your dolls.”  
“You promise not to bother me?” Gaz asks sceptically.  
“We promise!” they exclaims simultaneously.  
“Good,” she smiles, satisfied, and snaps her fingers. But the dolls don’t stop moving.  
Gaz snaps her fingers again and again but the dolls don’t listen to her.  
“Gaz?” Dib questions nervously.  
“They won’t listen to me,” she snaps.  
The dolls reach the boys. They lift their claws and swing.  
“Stop!” Gaz shouts.  
The dolls freeze just inches from the boys’ faces. They turn to her and cock their heads.  
Gaz relaxes a little. Have they started listening to her?  
Nope. Instead the dolls growl and start advancing towards her.  
“Whuh-what are you doing?” she snaps, “I am your master. You have to obey me.”  
The dolls growl and charge her.  
“Run, Gaz!” Dib exclaims.  
Gaz spins on her heel and races down the hall. The dolls chase after her and the boys follow close behind.  
The dolls chase Gaz downstairs and into Membrane’s lab. The boys stop at the top of the stairs and look down. They don’t hear anything. What’s happening?  
Gaz suddenly races back up the stairs and closes the door behind her. She’s panting and there’s a small scratch on her cheek.  
“They cut you,” Dib exclaims.  
“It’s just a little one,” Gaz shrugs.  
“Is it safe to leave them down there?” Zim asks.  
“They’ll eventually run out of power,” she replies, “we just have to wait them out. But I don’t understand why they defied me.”  
“They’re robots. Robots always rise up against their overlords,” Squee points out, “it’s in all the movies.”  
Something bangs against the door and the kids jump back. They pant as they watch it, suspense building up high.  
A huge claw smashes through the door. The kids scream and scramble away, racing out of the house.  
They dash down the street, too scared to look back. A couple of passersby glance at them curiously but otherwise ignore them. And as they go about their usual business, they don’t even notice the rabid stuffed animals fly by.  
The kids run until they reach a park then duck behind a bench. They pant heavily and try to catch their breath.  
“Do-do you think… we lost… them?” Dib asks.  
“Hey.”  
They scream and turn around but calm down when they notice it’s just a kid. He’s leaning over the back of the bench staring at them, a Game Slave 3 hanging out of his hand.  
Gaz snarls and jumps to her feet. The boy does the same. They point at each other dramatically. “You!”  
“You know him?” Dib asks.  
“I met him a few years ago,” Gaz snarls, “Iggins.”  
Iggins flinches and backs away a little. Then he glances at his GS3 and smirks. “I got the new Game Slave. Do you have one?”  
“Yes,” Gaz grunts, “in fact, I beat all the games for it. With the highest scores in the state.”  
Iggins twitches. “Yeah? Well, I’m gonna be in the national tournament for Battle Battle Footy Kick 2.”  
“So am I,” she snarls.   
They glare daggers at each other, hatred practically pouring off their features. But their staring contest is suddenly interrupted by a high pitched squeal. Gaz turns around as Squee ducks behind Pepito and the dolls enter the park.  
“They found us!” Zim exclaims.  
“Whuh-what are those?” Iggins asks.  
Nobody answers him. They’re all too busy running away. Iggins, however, remains frozen in place.  
One of the dolls locks onto him. It lifts his claw and swings at him.  
Gaz grabs the back of Iggins shirt and barely tugs him out of reach of the claws.  
“Run, dumbass,” she barks. Iggins snaps out of it and runs away with the rest of the kids.   
The dolls chase after them, somehow avoiding detection from bystanders, even though they all notice the panicking teenagers, but ignore them.  
They run frantically, looking for a place to hide out before the dolls catch them. Zim points at the Skool. Without a second though, they race up the steps and blast through the door, which they quickly lock behind them.  
The kids pant as they slowly back away.  
“What… are… those… things?” Iggins asks between breaths.  
“My security fore,” Gaz replies,” they’ve lost control.”  
“How long before they shut down?” Squee asks.  
“I’m not sure,” she sighs.  
“What? So we might have to run from them for days,” Pepito exclaims.  
“We should just destroy them,” Zim states.  
“You will not lay a hand on my dolls!” Gaz barks.  
“Squee, can’t Shmee talk some sense into them?” Dib suggests.  
“Just because Shmee looks like a teddy bear doesn’t mean he can communicate with them,” Squee snaps.  
“Hey.”  
The kids scream and turn around but calm down when they see it’s only Zita.  
“What are you guys doing?” she asks.  
“What… are… you doing?” Zim throws back.  
“I stayed late to study a bit,” she replies, “your turn.”  
“We’re being chased by blood thirsty stuffed animals bent on rending the flesh from our bones with their razor sharp claws,” Squee says plainly.  
Zita blinks at him then sighs exhaustedly. “Seriously, you guys? Come on. Don’t use the Skool as a site for your weirdo games.”  
“But it’s true!” Iggins exclaims.  
“Yeah, sure it,” she nods sarcastically as she walks past them and reaches for the door.  
“No!” everyone exclaims as she pushes the handle.  
The door swings open and nothing’s there.  
“They’re gone,” Squee sighs.  
“Did they power done?” Dib asks. He cautiously steps outside and looks around. Zita scoffs and walks past him.  
Zim’s antennae twitch under his wig. A shiver travels up Squee’s spine. They both charge forward and shove Dib and Zita out of the way just as the rabid stuffies drop down from the overhang.  
All four of them slam hard into the cement at the foot of the stairs. The dolls chortle delightfully and start to advance.  
Squee, Zim, and Dib jump to their feet. They grab Zita and just barely dodge the dolls’ claws as they race away from the Skool. The dolls snarl and chase after them.  
Gaz and the others watch for a few seconds before she motions for them to move. They jump over the side of the stairwell and chase after them.  
Zim leads the way while Dib and Squee run after him, dragging Zita behind them. She attempts to run but she’s too shocked by the things they’re running from. So she just ends up stumbling. If it wasn’t for Dib and Squee, she would’ve fallen a long time ago.  
“Zita, come on! You have to run!” Squee says impatiently.  
“Just leave her. She’s slowing us down,” Zim scoffs.  
“We’re not leaving her, Zim!” Dib snaps.  
They find themselves on Main Street, packed with moving vehicles. They stop for a second to assess their bearings.  
“Guys! Over here!” Pepito calls. He’s across the road, trying to get their attention.  
The kids race across the street, not even wasting time to look both ways. Cars skid to a stop and honk at them as they run by, but they just ignore them.  
When they manage to make it across, Pepito leads them over to a nearby city bus. Gaz and Iggins are already there. The bus is loading up so it could take off at any minute.  
Zim starts to question how they’re going to get on with no money. Gaz answers the unasked question by climbing the ladder on the back of the bus to the roof.  
The kids don’t have a chance to argue. If they don’t get on the bus now, then the dolls will eventually catch them.   
One by one they climb the ladder, quickly but steadily. Zita is the last and as soon as she takes her foot off the ground, the bus starts moving.   
She climbs rather clumsily but makes it to the top in one piece. The kids park themselves between the two billboards and breathe a collective sigh of relief.  
“Do you think we lost them?” Iggins asks.  
Dib peeks behind them and sees the dolls hopping from car to car, pursuing them relentlessly.  
“Nope, they’re still coming,” Dib sighs.  
“Why are they so fixated on us?” Zim asks.  
“We’re just a challenge at this point,” Squee replies.  
“I don’t get it. What the hell is going on?” Zita asks.  
“What we told you back at Skool,” Zim says.  
“You mean those things are really just stuffed animals?” she squeaks, bewildered, “this is crazy!”  
“Welcome to my world,” Squee scoffs.  
The bus comes to a halt. Zim peeks around the billboard and sees the ‘bus stop’ sign.  
“We’re at the next stop,” he announces.  
“Alright, everyone out,” Gaz demands, “we don’t have time to wait.”  
Instead of going down the ladder, the kids jump off the front of the bus, onto the hood, and from there to the ground. They glance back and see the dolls closing in.  
“This way,” Zim exclaims and they run off in a random direction. But the dolls follow close behind.  
“They’re catching up!” Zita squeals.  
Squee looks around and immediately recognizes the surroundings.  
“Wait, I know where we can go,” he exclaims and takes a hard right. “This way!”  
The others follow somewhat clumsily, surprised at Squee for suddenly taking the lead.  
They race down a couple of alleys and trespass through a few yards, but the dolls follow tirelessly. They actually seem to be speeding up, pushing themselves harder and harder.  
“There!” Squee exclaims as he points at a nearby restaurant. The kids race to it. The dolls speed up.  
They close in. They jump, their claws outstretched and itching to scratch some teenage skin. But just before they can pierce the back of their heads, their power suddenly shuts down. Their red eyes dim, their fangs and claws disappear, and they turn into harmless stuffed animals.  
Or not so harmless because they still collide with the kids’ backs. They scream, lose their balance, and tumble through the door.  
Everything stops in the entire building as every eye stares at the kids. Jade- the greeter for the day- kneels in front of the group and smiles.  
“Welcome to Café Latte.”  
Johnny laughs from a nearby table. “That was a hell of an entrance.”  
Squee grabs onto his table and pulls himself to his knees. Without even blinking, he grabs Johnny’s glass of juice and chugs it in three gulps.  
Devi smiles and addresses the rest of the group. “Can I get you anything to drink?”  
“Water!” Dib demands.  
“And lots of it,” Gaz adds.  
“All that screaming can really make a person hoarse,” Iggins comments as he rubs his throat.  
“You’re just not used to it yet,” Zim grunts.  
“Where are we?” Zita asks.  
“Café Latte,” Squee replies, “Zita, Iggins, this is Johnny. My guardian.”  
“Why is he here?” Zim grumbles.  
“South End is my territory,” Johnny states, “I can go wherever I want.”  
“We’re in the South End?” Dib exclaims.  
“Wow, those dolls literally chased us across the city,” Pepito laughs.  
“Oh, the South End,” Zita whimpers, “I’ve heard so many bad rumours about this place.”  
“Well, just to put your mind at ease, they’re all true,” Nny says.  
“Johnny!” Devi scolds, “they’re not all true.”  
“I heard criminals run rampant,” Zita squeaks, “and monsters are always hiding in the shadows as you go by.”   
She turns around and sitting on her shoulder is Gaz’s stuffed gorilla. She screams and ducks behind Devi.  
Gaz laughs as she cradles her lifeless dolls. “See, I told you they’d run out of power eventually.”  
“Yeah, and just in time too. I’m starving,” Dib exclaims.  
“Me too. What kind of food does this place have?” Pepito asks.  
The kids all take a seat at Johnny’s table, squeezing in using extra chairs, and Devi hands them all a menu.  
Zita warily watches Gaz’s doll over her menu. Then she glances at Zim and Dib and Squee and Pepito, then back at her menu.  
“So, those dolls coming to life,” she mumbles, “does that happen to you guys a lot?”  
“Well, not the dolls specifically,” Dib replies, “but stuff like that, yes.”  
“All the time,” Zim nods.  
“Pretty much every day,” Squee adds.  
“And you’re all okay with it?” Zita asks.  
“Well… we tolerate it,” Gaz shrugs.  
Zita tentatively chews her lip before asking, “a few months ago, when the city got pretty much destroyed by rampaging, little green monsters, everyone thought it was a movie shoot gone wrong. But it wasn’t. Those were real aliens, weren’t they?”  
They look at her with surprise before Dib nods, “yes.”  
“And Dib, Zim, Gaz, you guys stopped them, right?” she asks.  
“Yup,” Zim nods affirmatively.  
“Whoa. You guys saved the whole city,” Iggins exclaims, “that is so cool.”  
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Zita asks.  
“Come on, Zita. How many people would’ve believed us?” Dib scoffs.  
“But then if aliens are real, does that mean Zim is really an alien?”  
“Yes,” he nods, “like I’ve been saying for years.”  
“And-and you’re really going to take over the world?” Zita exclaims.  
“That’s right,” Zim smirks.  
“But don’t expect anything,” Gaz says, “he’s an idiot.”  
“What else?” Zita scoffs, “is-is-is Johnny a sociopathic murderer with paranoia and schizophrenia?”  
“Well, except for the schizophrenia,” Nny replies.  
“What?”  
“Nothing.”  
“The point is, Zita,” Squee says quickly, “our lives aren’t normal. We see aliens, monsters, and other such spooky things for what they truly are. Sometimes we even have to fight them.”  
“Some of us are them,” Pepito adds.  
“It sounds so cool,” Iggins exclaims excitedly, “like a video game.”  
“Yeah,” Johnny scoffs sarcastically.  
“I think it sounds cool too,” Zita mutters, “you guys lead such interesting lives. And the most I do is worry about my grades.”  
“That’s not a bad thing,” Pepito says.  
“Yeah,” Squee agrees, “I’d love to just worry about my grades. Instead I end up getting chased around the city by rabid stuffed animals.”  
Everyone’s quiet for a few minutes, silently drinking their water. Then Zim suddenly slams his hand on the table.   
“Our grades! We completely forgot to study!” he exclaims.  
“It took you that long to realize that?” Dib asks.  
“Shouldn’t we go back to your house?” Zim suggests.  
“Eh,” Dib grunts indifferently.  
“Maybe later,” Squee shrugs.  
“I don’t really feel like it anymore,” Pepito adds.  
Zim sighs and slumps in his seat, defeated by the indifference of his crew.  
“You know, none of this would’ve happened if you just stayed out of my room,” Gaz points out.  
Zim just glares in reply.  
Johnny rubs his chin. Unbeknownst to the rest of the group, he is currently plotting something in his magnificent, paranoid brain.  
The next day at Skool, the students drudge into Ms. Bitters’ classroom. None of them have any motivation for the upcoming exam, especially not Zim, Dib, Squee, and Pepito.  
Ms. Bitters waits until all the students are seated then stands up.  
“Unfortunately, class,” she says, “The Principal has said that it is against regulations to have a high percentage exam during the first week of Skool. So there will be no test today.”  
The class is silent for a second before they all breathe a collective sigh of relief.  
“That is such good news,” Gretchen smiles.  
“But I’m surprise The Principal stepped in like that,” Poonchy comments.  
“Actually, his voice sounded pretty shaky over the intercom this morning,” Jessica says.  
“Maybe he’s sick,” Tae suggests.  
“Alright, alright. That’s enough,” Ms. Bitters hisses, “everyone open your books so we can begin today’s lesson.”  
As the boys open their books, all four glance at the camera in the corner of the room. They know better than most how ruthless The Principal is. What would cause him to actually consider the students’ feelings?  
Meanwhile, The Principal watches Ms. Bitters’ class through one of his monitors. He grunts approvingly and looks over at his chair.  
“There, happy now?” he snaps.  
His cronies all flinch as Johnny leans back in the seat, his blood curdling smirk practically shining in the dimly lit room.  
“Much. Thanks for your help.”


	10. Smacky vs Squee

Pepito drives his bicycle through the Skool yard and parks at the bike racks. He locks it and stretches, letting out a small sigh. As soon as he turns around, he’s completely surrounded by almost every girl in his grade.  
“Hi, Pepito,” they chime. They’re all giggling, flipping their hair, and standing in ways that show off their curves.   
Pepito is not fazed. He just smiles politely and waves. “Hello, ladies.”  
They swoon from his grin and begin chattering simultaneously. They ask him how his weekend was, tell him about theirs, but he barely listens. Of course he doesn’t make his disinterest obvious. He doesn’t want to hurt their feelings.  
But that sentiment quickly dissolves when Squee walks into the Skool yard.  
Pepito’s overall character instantly changes. His face splits into a huge smile and hearts appear in his eyes.   
“Hi, Squee!” he exclaims, waving excitedly.  
Squee looks at him and smiles uncertainly, waving back.  
Pepito beams and walks through the group of girls. They step aside to let him through and watch curiously as he walks into the Skool with Squee, all of them wondering why he never looks at them like that.  
“So, how was your weekend?” Pepito asks.  
“It was good. Nice to sleep in,” Squee replies.  
“Yeah, I know. Having to wake up early is such a drag,” he groans, “did you do anything?”  
“Not really. Just stayed at home,” he shrugs, “what about you?”  
“My mom took me shopping,” Pepito replies, “I bought so many new clothes and so much junk for my room.”  
“Sounds like fun,” Squee smiles.  
“Yeah, it was. You should come over sometime and check it out,” Pepito suggests.  
“Uh, yeah, maybe. Sometime,” Squee mutters.  
Pepito looks away guiltily. He’s really got to pick his words carefully. He hates making Squee feel awkward. Granted almost everything makes him feel awkward so it’s hard to avoid. Still he wants the guy to feel comfortable around him.  
“Move it, loser,” Torque Smacky demands as he shoves Squee’s shoulder and walks by. Squee stumbles forward and rubs his arm.  
Pepito starts to snap something at the oversized teenager, but he’s cut off by another voice, that’s just as angry.  
“Watch it, Smacky,” Zim growls as he walks past Pepito and confronts the bully. Smacky looks at him, completely offended. Squee and Pepito watch with surprise as Dib and Gaz stand next to them.  
“What do you want?” he snaps.  
“Keep away from Squee,” Zim warns.  
“Or what?” Smacky scoffs.  
“Need I remind you what happened last time you tried to fight him?” Dib smirks, “he played you like an action figure.”  
“That was a fluke!” Smacky barks.  
At this point plenty of people have started crowding around to see what will happen next. They’re chittering amongst themselves like squirrels.  
“Oh, yeah. I saw that,” Poonchy says, “Torque couldn’t even touch Squee.”  
“Wow,” Alex chirps, “Squee must be really strong.”  
“Alright, alright, break it up,” a teacher demands, “everyone get to class.”  
The group quickly disperses. Smacky and Zim share a quick dirty look before splitting off. Zim joins Dib, Gaz, Pepito, and Squee and they walk down the hall.  
“Squee, you should beat up Smacky again,” Gaz insists.  
“I didn’t beat him up before,” Squee reminds, “besides, I don’t fight. It’s stupid, juvenile, and most often quite unnecessary.”  
“Lame,” she groans as she splits off from the group to her locker. The older teenagers head up the stairs.  
“But you must have some fighting experience,” Zim points out, “your agility is much greater than that of a regular hyuman.”  
“Yeah, well, when you deal with what I’ve had to deal with my whole life, it’s always good to have quick feet,” Squee shrugs.  
The boys split up as they arrive at their lockers. Dib smiles as he opens his.  
“You know, Zim,” he says, “I was quite surprised when you stood up for Squee.”  
“It’s not a big deal,” Zim grunt, “Smacky annoys me.”  
Dib just smiles, feeling quite proud of his alien boyfriend.

Later in math class, Squee presses his legs tightly together. He’s really regretting drinking that BrainFreezy before Skool. And break isn’t for another forty minutes. He cannot wait that long, his gut is about to explode.  
He quickly gathers up his confidence and raises his hand. “Mr. Serene, may I please go to the restroom.”  
“Alright,” he nods, “be sure to take a hall pass.”  
Squee quickly grabs the slip off the teacher desk and leaves the room. He rushes down the hall and into the bathroom, wasting no time to reach the urinal. He sighs with relief.  
“Dramatic much,” Shmee comments.  
“You don’t have a bladder, you’re not allowed to judge,” Squee scolds.  
“Fair enough,” he shrugs.  
Squee finishes his business and starts to wash his hands. The bathroom door opens but he doesn’t give it much notice. At least not until his danger sensors start going off.  
He spins around but is immediately blocked by Smacky’s large body. The bully glares down at him. Squee stares up him and looks over at the door. His two friends are standing in front of it, covering the only exit. He’s trapped.  
“So, think you’re tough, do ya?” Smacky snarls.  
“Not really, no,” Squee replies.  
“Think you’re better than me?”  
“Um…”  
“Think you could take me in a fight?”  
“Well… are these rhetorical?”  
“Rhinoceros?” Smacky asks.  
“What?” Squee questions.  
“Oh, you think you’re smarter than me!” Smacky barks.  
“No! I don’t think anything like that,” Squee says quickly.  
“Well, that’s what everyone’s been saying.”  
“It’s just gossip. It’s not true.”  
“You’ve been pissing me off from the day you started,” Smacky snarls, “big, tough South Ender attending a North End school. You must be so much better than us.”  
“Okay, the whole ‘South End, North End’ thing is stupid,” Squee says, “and I don’t think I’m better than you. I only started going here because my friend recommended it.”  
“Well, it was a bad idea.”  
A few minutes later, Pepito is staring curiously at the empty desk beside him. Squee’s been gone a long time. A potty break shouldn’t take this long.   
He fiddles nervously with his necklace. Something might be wrong.  
“Mr. Serene,” he says as he raises his hand. “May I go to the restroom?”  
“Not until Squee comes back,” he answers.  
“It’s an emergency,” he insists.   
“Oh, very well,” he sighs.  
Pepito smiles and rushes out of the classroom. He trots down the hall to the boy’s washroom and tries to open the door, but it doesn’t budge.  
“Locked?” he questions. He knocks. “Hello?”  
“Taken. Go somewhere else,” a voice answers.  
“That’s Smacky’s voice,” Pepito exclaims. He snarls.  
A few minutes prior, Smacky’s minions have Squee by his skinny arms and are holding him to the wall while Smacky goes through his bag.  
“Stop! Get out of there!” Squee snaps.  
“You sure have a lot of books,” Smacky observes, “freaking nerd. Is this all you carry around? This and that stupid bear.”  
“Leave my stuff alone!” Squee shouts.  
Smacky flips through the many notebooks. “Some of these are full. You must really like them to carry them around all the time.”  
“Hey, hey, Torque,” one of his friends says excitedly, “you should wreck them.”  
“Hey, yeah,” Smacky grins, “but how?” He glances around for a second before looking at the sink and a lightbulb goes off in his head. He plugs the drain with paper towel and begins to fill it with water.  
“Wuh-wait, Torque,” Squee whimpers, “don’t-don’t do this.”  
Smacky smirks as he lifts one of the notebooks over the sink. He holds it there for a minute while Squee begs him not to do it, please, please don’t do it.  
Then he lets go.  
Squee winces like he was just kicked in the stomach as the book splashes into the water. He stares at it hopelessly as it sinks to the bottom.  
“Next,” Smacky sings and grabs another book.  
This goes on for a few minutes. Smacky destroys Squee’s stories with water, and all he can do is watch. It would be more painless if he just tortured him. With each book he soaks Squee’s despair gets deeper until there’s only one left.   
It’s probably the nicest looking notebook of the bunch. It’s black leather with golden coils and a matching clasp. Squee’s eyes widen when Smacky picks it up.  
“No, Torque! No, please not that one!” he begs, “you can do anything. Just please don’t drown that one.”  
“Too late,” Smacky shrugs as he holds the book over the sink. He almost lets go but stops at a knocking at the door.   
“Hello?” a voice calls.  
“Taken. Go somewhere else,” he snaps.  
He looks back at Squee and smirks. Instead of dropping this one, he slowly lowers the book to the water. The look of growing despair on Squee’s face is delicious.  
Squee gasps when the corner touches the water. “Shmee!”  
The bear comes to life and leaps through the air, landing on Smacky’s arm. The boy doesn’t even have to time to react as he grabs the notebook and shoves him to the floor.  
“The bear’s alive!” one of his friends exclaims as they let go of Squee.  
“Let’s get out of here!” the other demands. The trio quickly unlock the door and scramble down the hall, not even noticing Pepito.  
He stares after the bullies with surprise before looking into the bathroom. Squee is sitting on the floor, Shmee and the black notebook in his hands.   
He stands up and walks over to the sinks. He hesitantly reaches into the water and grabs one of his books. It’s soaked; the pages are falling apart and the writing is smeared and illegible. They’re all ruined.  
He sighs miserably and sits back on the floor.  
“Squee, what happened?” Pepito exclaims as he walks in. Squee doesn’t reply but Pepito already knows the answer. “Smacky destroyed your books. That bastard! I’ll kill him!”  
“Don’t, Pepito,” Squee mutters, “don’t sink to their level.”  
Pepito stares at his friend sadly. He sits next to him and hesitantly squeezes his shoulder. Squee doesn’t elicit any sort of negative response to the touch, so he just leaves his hand there.  
“Are you gonna be okay?” Pepito asks.  
“Yeah,” Squee replies, “I mean I have plenty more stories at home. I’m just glad he didn’t wreck this one.” He runs his hand down the leather book. “It’s my favourite.”  
“Well, I mean, you did sic Shmee on them,” Pepito points out.  
Squee smiles. “Yeah, that was probably a bad idea.”  
“I thought it was funny,” Pepito grins, “they ran like a couple of little babies.”  
Squee just smiles and stares at the floor. Then he sighs and stands up. Pepito does the same and they look at the mess in the sink.  
“You wanna help clean this up?” Squee asks.  
“Sure,” Pepito nods.  
Together the boys take the ruined notebooks out of the sink, wrap them in paper towels, and toss them into the garbage. It hurts Squee to throw them out but he can’t keep them now.   
The bell rings as soon as they finish. Pepito sighs, “we should probably get to class.”  
Squee doesn’t say anything. He’s just staring at the garbage can with a blank expression.  
“Squee? You okay?” Pepito asks.  
Squee’s expression quickly darkens. He shoves his leather notebook into his bag and hangs it off his shoulder as he marches out of the bathroom.  
“I can’t let him get away with this,” Squee snarls.  
“What?” Pepito questions.  
“I’m going to get him back.”  
“What happened to not sinking to his level?”  
“Oh, I won’t. I have something much better in mind,” Squee growls.

“Revenge!” Dib exclaims.  
“On Smacky?” Zim questions, “sounds fun.”  
“You don’t really strike me as the ‘vengeance’ type,” Gaz comments.  
“It’s not something I usually, you know, work for,” Squee says, “but it’s not just about revenge. That’s more like the icing on the cake. I’m tired of Smacky picking on me with his Neanderthal-like tactics. I’m going to prove to him that I’m a foe to be reckoned with.”  
“Are you?” Dib asks.  
“Probably not,” Squee replies, “but I can at least fake it. Besides, I can’t just let him get away with destroying my books. I mean I have a lot more at home, but it still sucks.”  
“I understand. If someone destroyed my notes on the paranormal, I’d be pretty pissed off,” he nods.  
It’s lunchtime, but the kids aren’t in the cafeteria. They’re outside in the back field, where the loners and losers hang out during break, so they can talk about this in peace.  
“So what’s the plan? Are we going to kidnap him and torture him?” Zim asks excitedly.  
“Of course not. We’re not going to do anything violent,” Squee replies.  
“Wait. You can have vengeance with violence?” he questions.  
“Not many can pull it off,” he says, “but I refuse to sink to Smacky’s level.”  
“So what do you want to do?” Gaz asks.  
“I was thinking something along the lines of tearing at him mentally and psychologically until he breaks down like a rotting tree,” Squee replies.  
“You can do that?” Pepito asks.  
“Not sure. Honestly the success rate of this whole endeavour is probably like ten percent. Maybe less,” he warns, “so you guys don’t have to help if you don’t want to.”  
“Of course we’re gonna help,” Zim grunts like it’s so obvious.  
“Yeah. Smacky has it coming,” Dib nods.  
Squee smiles gratefully.  
“So where do we start?” Gaz asks.  
Squee rubs his chin as he considers the question. “Do any of you know where Smacky’s locker is?”  
“Yeah, I do,” Zim says, “it’s 243.”  
“How do you know that?” Pepito asks.  
“Don’t question Zim’s greatness.”  
“Okay, we’re gonna need a plastic bag, some string, and a whole lot of glitter,” Squee concludes.  
The group looks at him curiously but they don’t question. They just walk back into the Skool to begin preparations.  
Zim quickly takes the lead. Squee may be the brains of this operation, but Zim’s always the leader. He instructs Pepito to find the glitter and string in the art room and Gaz to get a plastic bag from the lunch ladies at the cafeteria. A few minutes later they all meet up at Smacky’s locker, with the items in hand.  
“I hope this is enough glitter,” Pepito says as he rests a small tub of pink glitter on the floor.  
“It’s perfect,” Squee smiles.  
“So what’s the plan?” Zim asks.  
“First we gotta get Smacky’s locker open,” Squee replies.  
“On it,” Dib booms. He grabs Smacky’s padlock and starts turning it this way and that until he’s figured out the code.  
“Impressive,” Pepito comments.  
They open the locker and are immediately assaulted by a horrid smell. They all exclaim with disgust and move away, covering their noses.   
“What the hell is that?” Gaz barks.  
“I think it’s that,” Pepito replies as he points at a moldy green thing sitting on the top shelf of the locker.  
“Is it a sandwich?” Squee asks.  
“How can it be so old? Skool only started a week ago,” Dib exclaims.  
Zim’s PAK opens and four clothes pin come out. The kids immediately grab them and pinch them on their noses.  
“This is more awkward than it looks on cartoons,” Squee comments.  
“Let’s just get this over with so we don’t have to come here again,” Gaz growls.  
“Okay, help me fill the bag with glitter,” Squee orders.  
They fill it up as much as they can and seal it shut. It’s so full it’s almost bursting at the seams, and that’s exactly what Squee wants.  
“Now comes the difficult part,” Squee mutters.  
The kids spend the rest of the lunch hour working on their little project. As soon as they finish, they close Smacky’s locker, lock it back up, and rush into a washroom. They take off the clothes pin and breathe deeply.  
“Good work, team,” Zim praises.  
“Yes. It worked out better than I thought it would,” Squee says.  
“Well we don’t know how well it worked until we actually see it happen,” Pepito points out.  
“He’s right,” Dib nods. The bell rings and he smirks. “Let’s go watch the show shall we?”  
The group smiles and exits the restroom. They mingle with the rest of the crowd as they head to the lockers, but slow down as they pass by Smacky. They look back expectantly as he unlocks his padlock and opens his locker.  
The string attached to the back of the door tightens until it’s yanked off the plastic bag inside the locker, tearing it open and causing the pink glitter to explode all over Smacky. Passersby gasp before bursting into hysterical laughter. And Smacky just stares at his locker with surprise.  
Zim and the others laugh gleefully at the sight before disappearing into the crowd. They rush down the hall and around a corner, gasping for the breath they lost from laughing too hard.  
“That was great,” Dib snickers.  
“Did you see his face?” Pepito guffaws.   
“That actually worked out way better than I thought it would,” Gaz admits.  
“Yeah,” Squee smirks, “the next few hours are gonna be so fun.”  
The kids spend the rest of the Skool day setting up elaborate but harmless traps in the areas Smacky frequents, such as his desk or the corner of the hall where he stands and says rude things to people.  
In English class, when he sits on his chair, he doesn’t notice the plastic bag full of water beneath him, which explodes all over his pants. At his hangout place, when he leans against the wall, his back a small button which actives a weak bomb in the garbage can beside him, exploding garbage all over him.   
As the day progresses, they start getting a little riskier. When Smacky goes to the restroom and locks himself in a cubical, Dib and Zim set up another trap on the door. It’s incredibly dangerous because if they get caught Smacky will tear off their heads. But that’s why they insisted on doing this instead of Squee.  
This trap is just like the one they put in his locker, but instead of glitter it’s a bag full of the cafeteria lunch special. And it is just as discussing as dealing with his locker.  
As soon as it’s set up, they rush out of the restroom and join the others in the hallway to witness their conquest.  
They hear Smacky scream and smirk when he walks out of the restroom covered in noodles, tuna, and ketchup.   
All the bystanders burst into laughter, including Zim and the others. But as usual they’re quick to disappear so they don’t get caught.  
By the end of the day Smacky is so paranoid and terrified, he doesn’t go near anything. He doesn’t even stop at his locker. He just walks down the middle of the hallway to the front doors of the Skool.  
Squee and the others watch him from a bench. They laugh to each other and applaud their success.  
“All the traps worked. We did well,” Zim nods.  
“Yeah, it was great,” Squee smiles.  
“But is this what you wanted? Didn’t you want to prove to Smacky that you’re ‘a foe to be reckoned with’?” Gaz asks.  
“Initially, yes, but I think that was more my anger talking,” Squee replies, “this worked out better. He doesn’t know who did this to him, so he’s afraid of everyone. We don’t need credit for our actions. We know what we did.”  
The group smiles and nods agreeably. Even Zim, who practically survives on props and praise. But he supposes just getting it from his comrades is enough.  
At the final bell, the kids stand up and leave the Skool together. They split off in different directions: Dib, Zim, and Gaz go right towards their houses, Squee goes left to Johnny’s car, and Pepito heads to the bike rack. He quickly unlocks his bike and moves away just in time for Smacky to grab his bike. They all stop and look back to watch the show.  
Smacky pulls his bike out and a bag of baking soda explodes all over his face. Everyone in the yard laughs hysterically. Smacky whimpers and quickly bikes away.  
Squee waves goodbye to his friends as he climbs into the car.   
“You look happy. Fun day at Skool?” Johnny asks.  
“Yup,” Squee smiles and nods.  
“Did you learn anything interesting?”  
“Um… just that revenge is terribly underrated.”  
Johnny looks at him curiously then smirks. “That it is.”  
He starts the car and drives down the road. “But baking soda? Seems like an odd choice. I would’ve gone with pesticide or maybe bleach.”  
“I didn’t wanna hurt him,” Squee snaps, “just freak him out a little… or a lot.”  
“Alright, I won’t question your ideas. Honestly I wouldn’t want baking soda exploding in my face either.”  
Squee laughs as they drive away. Today may have started out a bit terribly, what with Squee losing all his books, but his mood has brightened greatly since then. Besides he can easily rewrite all those stories and at least he didn’t lose his favourite notebook.  
Smacky will probably be back to normal tomorrow and pick on him again. But Squee will be able to take it. He’s got Shmee to protect him, his friends to help him out, and the memory of this day to keep his spirits up.


	11. Game Night

Scarlet`s eyes blink open. She blinks a couple times until she realizes all she sees is black.  
She tries to scream but realizes there’s a gag in her mouth. She’s in a chair with her wrists tied to the arms and her ankles tied to the legs. She tries thrashing around but her restraints don’t even loosen.  
She hears some noises beside her and she quiets down for a second. It sounds like there are more people beside her, squealing and panting. Where the fuck is she?  
The bag is suddenly yanked off her head. Her eyes snap shut at the bright lights. She blinks them open slowly and looks around.  
She’s in a long, wide hallway with white walls and ceiling and a strange brown floor. Beside her are four more people, three men and a girl. They’re all tied to their chairs like her.   
Standing in front of them is a tall, lanky man with short, messy black hair and dark eyes. A huge smirk splits across his face as he examines his latest victims. The expression of fear and surprise on their faces makes his sadistic blood boil.  
“Greetings, players,” he purrs, “I am Johnny.”   
All five of the victims start whimpering and squealing. Johnny steps back to listen for a second. Then he slams his foot on the floor and they immediately shut up.  
“Okay. I’m gonna remove your gags,” he warns, “but please don’t scream. Not that it matters; no one can hear you anyway.”  
He pulls out all of their gags. They whimper and cry silently.  
“Who-who are you?” Scarlet asks.  
“I told you, I’m Johnny,” he replies, “I know all of you. Scarlet, Lucas, Jaxxon, Hunter, and London.”  
“Are-are you gon-gonna kill us?” Jaxxon whimpers.  
“Maybe. We’ll see how it goes,” he shrugs.  
“Why are we-we here?” London asks.  
“For a special reason. You see,” he explains, “this world is full of scum; scum that would be better off dead. And you are all examples.”  
“Let me start with you two: Scarlet and Jaxxon.” They both flinch under his glare. “Scarlet is the head cheerleader at a prestigious private school on the North End. Jaxxon is an all-around jock, captain of every sports team at his college.”  
“Now, I hate cheerleaders and jocks to begin with. But you two are especially vile. You take bullying to a whole new level.”  
He leans in close to both of them, his dark eyes boring a hole into their faces. “Have you any idea how many innocent teens committed suicide because of your heartless antics? How much blood you truly got on your hands?”  
“Please,” Scarlet begs, tears rushing down her face. “I didn’t mean it. I was just playing. I promise I’ll be a better person if you just let me go.”  
“It’s too late for promises, Scarlet,” Johnny scoffs then looks away. “Moving on. Lucas here is a drug dealer. Normally drug dealers don’t bother me. But you’re special. You’re very territorial. But I can respect that; I’m territorial too.”  
“My problem with you is that to avoid getting caught by the police, you planted your drugs on innocent people, so they’d get arrested,” he explains, “innocent people suffered because of you. That’s why you’re here.”  
“How-how did you know that?” Lucas asks.  
“I know all kinds of things,” Johnny replies, “like London for example. She is a dirty cop. She doesn’t just accept bribes, she suggests it. It’s because of people like her that people like Lucas remain free. It’s people like her, with no morals, that make me sick.”  
“People like me? What about you?” London barks, “you have no morals! You kidnapped us!”  
“I know,” Johnny says, “my statement still stands.”  
“Last but not least we have Hunter,” he continues, “now I’m gonna be honest, I have a bit of a personal vendetta against Hunter.”  
“See, Hunter is a child molester. He’s never been caught before because he’s very careful. He always wears gloves and his face is always covered by his mop of hair. Plus his poor victims are too flustered to describe him properly.”  
“But I saw him at the South Mall a couple days ago,” Johnny snarls, his anger starting to slowly take over. “I was shopping with my kid. I stepped away for a couple minutes and you decided to just swoop in and try to take him. But I got there just in time and managed to get a glimpse of your face. And a glimpse is all I need.”  
“Please,” Hunter whimpers, “I-I didn’t know. If-if-if I had known he was yours I wouldn’t have-.”  
“Wouldn’t have what? Tried to take him?” Johnny shouts, his anger letting loose. “Then you would’ve just gone after some other kid, right? And what if he wasn’t mine? Then you would’ve stolen him anyway!”  
“This isn’t about what you did to who, when, and why,” he snaps, “this is because you did it. And because this world would be so much better without you.”  
“Well, what about you?” London retorts, “you kidnapped us and you’re probably gonna kill us. You’re just as bad.”  
“Yes, it’s true,” Johnny nods, “I am a terrible person. I have done horrible, unspeakable things to countless people. And I used to think about suicide in the past. But I’ve got more important things to worry about now.”  
He takes a deep breath and runs his gloved fingers through his hair. “But I digress. As I said, I have done horrible things to people, most of them scum like yourself. But there’s only so many ways to torture a person. So I decided to spice things up.”  
“You five are the players, I am the game master, and this is Game Night.”  
“I have lined up seven children games. I’m sure you’ve all played at least one of them in your lifetime,” Johnny explains as he walks to the far side of the hall, his voice bouncing off the walls. “I have modified them with my own little… flares. Whoever manages to survive them all is free to go and I will never bother them again.”  
“It’s possible that you all survive them,” he adds as he sits on a wheelie chair. “However it’s just as possible that none of you survive.”  
“You must see each game through and follow all the rules.” He draws a large knife with a cloth wrapped handle and a neutral smiley face guard. “If you don’t, I will punish you.” He runs his finger down the sharp blade and smirks.  
“We’re gonna start out easy: an obstacle course. All you have to do is run from where you’re sitting to the end of the hall. You have to dodge all the obstacles and you have to make it here before time runs out. So it doesn’t really matter who makes it first or last. Your real opponent is time.”  
“Everyone understand?” Johnny asks. The players whimper and nod weakly.  
“Good,” he chirps and grabs a remote control from his jeans pocket. He hits a button and the restraints on the victims’ limbs release. They all stand up and rub their sore wrists.  
Johnny hits another button and the obstacles suddenly appear. Rows of large stakes poke out of the floor, huge saw-like blades pop out of the walls, and finally a giant guillotine swings from the ceiling.  
“Oh, god,” Scarlet whimpers.  
“On your mark.” Johnny pulls a watch out of his pocket, his thumb hovering over a button. “Get set.” The players crouch down in a ready position. None of them fully comprehend what’s going on, but they can’t let that slow them down.  
“Go!” Johnny slams his finger on the button, starting the countdown. The players immediately begin running.  
They jump over the stake hurdles, the blades only inches away from their crotches. But the rows get taller and taller. Scarlet, London, and Jaxxon manage to pull it off because they’re athletic. But Hunter and Lucas lag behind because they don’t want to risk getting cut. They still end up with scratches on their thighs.  
They make it past the stake hurdles and onto the saws. The blades pop in and out of the walls at high speeds. The players have to be quick on their feet to make the sharp turns. Again Scarlet, London, and Jaxxon make it through quickly and unscathed. But Hunter and Lucas are much slower. They manage to escape with most of their skin intact though.  
The group stops at the guillotine. It swings back and forth in front of them, huge, intimidating, and sharp enough to slice through them like butter.  
“Only sixty seconds left, players,” Johnny warns.  
Scarlet is the first to steel her nerves. She holds her breath and dashes down the hall. Due to perfect timing, she makes it past the guillotine without incident. London and Jaxxon are right behind her, blade narrowly missing London’s hair.  
Hunter and Lucas are frozen still, shivering like wet puppies. Finally they take a deep breath and make a break for it. They barely make it past the blade and both flinch when they feel it slice through the air behind him. But they don’t stop running until they catch up with the others at Johnny’s feet.  
Johnny hits the button on his watch and smirks. “Well done. See, I told you it was easy. You all made it alive and with your limbs intact. Now, moving on to game two.”  
He spins around in his chair and kicks the wall behind him, opening a hidden door. He rolls into the next room. The players lumber close behind.  
“Stand behind the line,” Johnny demands as he rolls down the hall. Just like last time, this room is incredibly long. He stops at the end of the hall and faces them.  
“The next game is Red Light, Green Light,” he announces, his coarse voice bouncing off the walls. “It is timed but that’s mostly just a safety precaution. You don’t need to rush; I just don’t have all the time in the world to spend on you people.”  
“Now, how to play. It’s pretty basic: when I say green light, you can move. When I say red light, you must stay still until I say green light. If you fail, I will cut off one of your minor limbs: you ears, your fingers, etc.”  
The players all shudder.  
“And to make things even more interesting,” Johnny adds, “the whole hall is rigged with booby traps.”   
“Just like last time, it’s possible for you all to pass. It’s not about who makes it first or last; it’s about who can make it at all.”  
“Okay, go!” Johnny spins around in his chair as he presses a button on his watch. “Green light.”  
The players immediately start moving. They go quickly and steadily, hoping to cover as much ground as possible.   
Johnny suddenly spins around and faces them. “Red light.”  
The players freeze. They even hold their breath.  
Johnny scans each of them for a few seconds before spinning back around. “Green light.”  
They start moving, taking wide strides. As London brings her foot down, she half hears a slight click.  
Johnny spins around and shouts, “red light.” Just as the players stop, a huge knife flies out of the wall and imbeds itself in London’s right shoulder. She screams in pain and falls to her knees.  
“London moved!” Johnny exclaims with delight as he jumps out of the chair. “Time for punishment.”  
“Whuh-what? But I-I was just-,” she stammers.  
“I told you there were booby traps,” he points out as he strides down the hall. “You should’ve been more careful.”  
The other four players watch helplessly as Johnny kneels in front of London, wiggling his knife around. “Now, what should I cut off?”  
“You… motherfucker,” she pants, “I’m… al-already hurt. Doesn’t this… count as… punishment?”  
“Of course not,” Nny scoffs like it’s so obvious. “You broke the rules by moving during red light. The knife in your shoulder is just… an added variable.”  
“You fucking, sick, twisted, mother-.” Her jeers are cut short when Johnny rests the blade of his knife behind her ear. She whimpers as he gently runs it along her jaw. She starts to relax when he pulls away.  
Suddenly, and in one fluid motion, he slices her right ear clean off. London’s screams bounce off the walls as she grips her new hole. She falls onto the floor and flails like a fish as blood gushes out.  
“Okay, continue,” Johnny announces as he strides back to the other side of the room. “Green light.”  
The other four players start moving quickly, ignoring their nausea and London’s screams.  
She doesn’t allow her missing ear or the hole in her shoulder to slow her down. She forces herself to her feet and hobbles after the others.  
Johnny collapses on his chair and faces them. “Red light.”  
The players immediately stop. London is doubled over and panting. She does her very best not to fall over.  
“Green light,” Johnny sings as he turns back around. The players begin moving again.  
Lucas brings his foot down and barely notices the click. A blade suddenly pops out of the floor, going straight through his foot, before going back into the floor.  
Just as Lucas is ready to scream, Johnny spins around and shouts, “red light.”  
Lucas bites his tongue and stands stock still. He squeezes his eyes shut and focuses on breathing as tears trickle down his cheeks.  
Johnny’s eyes linger just a bit longer on Lucas before he turns back around. “Green light.”  
Lucas takes a deep breath and begins moving with the rest of the group. He limps horrible, not wanting to put too much pressure on his left foot.  
The game continues for a few more minutes. All the players hit a booby trap at least once. Scarlet gets stabbed in the shin, Hunter in the hip, and Jaxxon in the shoulder. But none of them lose their minor limbs to Johnny. They stand strong during red light and move steadily during green light.  
As they start to near the end of the game, London hits another trap. She was already lagging behind the other players and feeling faint from blood loss. So when a knife buries itself into her stomach and she collapses just as Johnny says, “red light,” she snaps.  
“You motherfucker! You better stay away from me with that fucking knife! I’m a cop you know! You’ll die for this! You’ll fucking die!”  
Johnny seems completely unaffected by her mouthing off as he strides over, knife in hand. He lifts his foot and brings it onto her forehead, pinning her to the floor.  
“How about we cut off that busy tongue?” he hisses as her grabs her chin with his free hand and holds her mouth open.  
She shakes off his hand and starts shouting multiple profanities. Johnny removes his foot from her head and straddles her chest. He jabs his hand into her mouth, grips her tongue, and slices through it like butter.  
London shrieks endlessly, blood gushing out of her mouth. Johnny stands up, tossing the severed tongue across the hall.  
“Green light,” he shouts above the screams as he walks back to his chair. He takes off his gloves and replaces them with a similar pair from a pouch on his chair.  
Scarlet, Jaxxon, Lucas, and Hunter start moving. All London can do is thrash around like a fish out of water.  
The four players make it to Johnny without incident. They all collapse as his feet and he smiles cheerfully.  
“Well done,” he chimes then looks at the thrashing London. “I think it’s safe to say she won’t be moving on to the next stage.” He spins his chair and kicks the wall, opening another hidden door. “Go on to the next room. I’ll join you in a minute.”  
The players quickly rush into the next room while Johnny stands up and walks towards London, twirling his knife around.  
Scarlet closes the door behind them and they collapse on the floor.  
“This… this is fucking crazy,” Jaxxon pants.  
“We’re all gonna die,” Lucas moans.  
“We can escape,” Scarlet points out frantically. “The doors are always hidden on the far side of the room. We can get away.”  
“He’ll find us,” Hunter argues, “he’ll find us and kill us.”  
The door suddenly opens and Johnny wheels in. The players quickly scamper out of his way as he rolls to the far side of the room.  
The room is a lot smaller than the last two. It’s mostly just a square with a line in the middle. Johnny stops on the other side of the line, resting with his leg swung over the arm rest.  
“One down, four to go,” he booms, a big grin on his face. “We’re going to be playing a variation of the game ‘Simon Says’. The difference is that it’s ‘Nny Says.’ And if you don’t do what Nny says he- I will take one of your minor limbs, just like last time.”  
“Oh, god. What’s he gonna make us do?” Lucas moans.  
“Let’s begin,” Johnny smirks. “We’ll start out easy. Nny says stand on one foot.”  
The four players immediately do as he says, doing their best to stay balanced.  
“Nny says hop up and down.”  
They start hopping in place, still on one foot.  
Johnny smirks, “stop.”  
They all almost stop but quickly catch themselves and continue jumping.  
“Ho ho, almost got you there,” Johnny laughs, “no but seriously, Nny says stop.”  
They all stop jumping and stand back on two feet.  
The change in atmosphere is completely noticeable. It’s like the air around them suddenly got heavier. And the source of it is the creepy grin plastered on Nny’s face.  
“Hunter,” he chimes, “Nny says punch Lucas in the face.”  
“What?” both men exclaim.  
“Lucas,” Johnny sings, “Nny says don’t move.”  
Hunter faces Lucas, his fist clenched. Lucas glares at him dangerously. But that glare is nothing compared to Johnny’s smirk.  
Hunter pulls back and punches Lucas right in the mouth. Johnny bursts into laughter when the drug dealer hits the ground.  
“Well done, Hunter,” he chimes, “and don’t worry, Lucas, I won’t punish you for falling like that.”  
Lucas glares at him as he stands up. Johnny just grins.  
“Moving on. Jaxxon, Nny says stick out your hand.” Jaxxon does so, his palm pointing to the ceiling. “Yup, just like that. Now, Scarlet.”  
Johnny reaches into the pouch on his chair and takes out a large steak knife. He slides it across the floor and it stops by Scarlet’s feet.  
“Nny says cut open Jaxxon’s palm.”  
“What?” they squeal.  
“Go on,” Johnny purrs, “do as Nny says.”  
Scarlet picks up the knife, her hands trembling. Jaxxon glares death into her forehead but she ignores him as she places the blade on his hand.  
She squeezes her eyes shut and pulls it, slicing open his palm. Jaxxon shouts in pain and clutches his bleeding hand to his chest.  
Johnny laughs. “Now, Jaxxon, hit Scarlet.”  
Jaxxon clenches his uninjured fist and swings at Scarlet. She tries to dodge but she’s too slow and he hits her in the cheek.  
But as soon as he connects, he realizes his mistake.  
“Uh oh,” Johnny sighs sadly, but the humour is audible in his voice. “I don’t say Nny says. Time for punishment.”  
“No, no. Wait! I-I didn’t mean,” Jaxxon stammers nervously. He tries to scramble away but Johnny is in front of him in a matter of seconds. He grabs the front of the jock’s shirt and holds him tight.  
“Scarlet,” he chimes, “since you’re the one Jaxxon hit, you can choose what I cut off.”  
Scarlet winces and stares at the squirming Jaxxon.  
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Nny shrugs.  
“His fingers,” she states as she rubs her swollen cheek.  
“Excellent choice,” he purrs as he grabs Jaxxon’s right hand, the same one Scarlet cut. Jaxxon tries to pull away but Johnny has an iron grip. He squeezes his knife and slices through his fore, middle, and ring finger in one fluid motion.   
Jaxxon wails and falls to his knees as he clutches his ruined hand to his chest. Johnny tosses the severed fingers across the room with disgust and sits back on his chair.  
“Let’s continue,” he grunts, “Scarlet, pass me my knife please.”  
Scarlet kneads the knife uncertainly, not sure what to do.  
“Nah, I’m just fucking with you,” Johnny laughs, “Nny says pass me the knife.”  
She grips the knife tightly and whips it across the room, right at Johnny. He catches it with ease and drops it into the chair’s pouch.  
“Thank you,” he hums, “now then. Lucas, Nny says tear out Hunter’s hair.”  
“What? No!” Hunter cries, covering his mess of brown hair with his hands.  
“Hunter, Nny says don’t move,” Johnny warns.  
“How-how much?” Lucas asks.  
“Just like a handful,” he replies.  
Lucas grips a handful of Hunter’s hair. Per Johnny’s demand, he doesn’t move. He just squeezes his eyes shut and hopes it doesn’t hurt too bad.  
Lucas yanks and rips out a handful of hair. Hunter shouts in pain and falls to his knees, clutching his scalp. Johnny sticks out his tongue in disgust as Lucas shakes away the loose hair.  
“Hunter, Nny says trip Scarlet,” Johnny commands, getting right to business.  
Hunter grabs Scarlet’s leg and pulls, causing her to fall onto her back.  
“Scarlet, Nny says punch Jaxxon.”  
Scarlet sits up and punches Jaxxon in the ribs.  
“Jaxxon, Nny says poke Lucas in the eye.”  
Jaxxon stands up on shaky feet and jabs Lucas’ right eye with his finger.  
Pretty soon the players have a rhythm going on. A violent rhythm orchestrated by Game Master Johnny. They cut, punch, kick, trip, and jab each other per his instructions. And they’re always careful to listen, making sure they hear ‘Nny says’ before doing anything. None of them slip up.  
That’s why Johnny decides to get a little tricky.  
“Scarlet,” he purrs, his smirk getting even more sinister, if that’s possible. “Nny says rips out your earring.”  
“What?” she cries, covering her ears.  
“You can choose which one,” he adds, “but if you don’t then I’ll just cut an ear off. So either way you lose a piercing.”  
Scarlet whimpers as she gently pinches the hoop on her left earlobe. She glances at Johnny. He watches her with cold, calculating eyes that are a complete contrast to his giant smirk.  
She holds her breath and starts tugging. It doesn’t come out right away. It takes a few pulls before she successfully rips it through her earlobe.  
She cries out in pain and falls to her knees, sobbing quietly as she holds her bleeding ear.  
Johnny grunts approvingly and looks at the trembling men. They all wince under his glare.  
Johnny reaches into his chair’s pouch and pulls out the steak knife. He tosses it across the floor and it stops at Lucas’ feet.  
“Lucas, Nny says slice your forearm.”  
Lucas looks at him with surprise. Then he slowly and hesitantly picks up the knife. He grips the handle and slices through the flesh. He shouts in pain, dropping the knife as he falls to his knees, clutching his bleeding arm to his chest.  
“Hunter,” Johnny chimes and the pedophile whimpers. “Nny says stab your foot.”  
Hunter hesitantly bends down and picks up the knife. He positions the blade over his left foot.  
His arms suddenly feel incredibly heavy. He doesn’t want to do this. But if he doesn’t, he’ll probably lose his foot. So with a roar he drives the blade into his foot.  
It doesn’t go all the way through, barely even halfway. But he stabbed himself and Johnny is satisfied.  
Hunter quickly pulls the blade out and falls onto his ass, panting and cringing in pain.  
“Jaxxon,” Johnny purrs, “Nny says cut your stomach.”  
“Whuh-what?” Jaxxon exclaims, “I already lost three of my fingers. What more do you want from me?”  
“Just to cut yourself,” Nny shrugs, “I used to do it all the time.”  
Jaxxon’s entire body is trembling. He picks up the knife and lifts up his shirt. He slowly brings the blade closer to his skin then abruptly stops.  
“No!” he shrieks, “I won’t do it! You can’t make me! This is all wrong! You can’t just control us like this! We’re human beings!”  
“Ha!” Johnny snorts, “human beings? Don’t flatter yourself. You’re all nothing more than monsters in human skin. Pathetic, rotten scum that make this world the terrible place it is.”   
“You’re just as bad as the rest of us,” Scarlet mutters.  
“Yeah, I am. I’m a monster too,” Johnny nods, “but I’m not the reason little kids are scared to look under their beds. You fucks are the so-called ‘boogey man’. You destroy innocent people’s lives for stupid, selfish reasons. If there’s even the slightest bit of sunshine, you bastards black it out.”  
“Suh-so do you,” Lucas grunts, “you’re a fucking murderer. You’re just like us.”  
“You were not listening!” Johnny barks as he jumps to his feet. “I am a monster. But I’m your monster. I’m your goddamn boogey man.”   
A slight beep sounds from his jeans pocket. He pulls out his watch and looks at the time.  
“We’re out of time for this game,” he grunts, “Jaxxon didn’t do as Nny says, so he lost. The rest of you, go to the next room.”  
“Fuck you!” Jaxxon shouts, “I’m not letting you kill me!” He lifts the steak knife as Johnny strides over to him.  
Scarlet, Hunter, and Lucas quickly scramble by. Scarlet pushes on the hidden door and they fall into the next room.  
“This is fucking crazy,” Lucas pants, “we have to get out of here.”  
“He’s right, you know,” Scarlet mutters, “we are terrible. When I get out of here, I promise I’ll change my ways.”  
“Oh, look at you, having an epiphany,” Hunter scoffs, “well, forget it, bitch. I’ll be the one getting out.”  
“You’re the worst one here,” she snaps, “you don’t deserve to get out, you fucking pedophile.”  
“You drove kids to suicide!” he points out.  
“Better than fucking them,” Lucas retorts.  
“Don’t knock it until you try it,” Hunter smirks.  
“You’re disgusting!” Scarlet barks.  
They argue amongst themselves, not even noticing when Johnny rolls in. He watches them for a few seconds before smirking and wheeling by.  
“Alright, alright. Calm down, players,” he coos as he stops by a round table holding two bowls and a variety of weapons. “You’ll have plenty of chances to kill each other in our next game. Now gather around.”  
The players stand around the table, away from Johnny.  
“We’ll be playing Would You Rather,” he announces, “pretty standard. This bowl holds your IDs. This one holds a series of ‘Would You Rather’ questions. I ask the question to whose ever name I pull out. And you have to follow through on your answer. Understood?”  
The players all glare at each other, ready to rip each other’s throats out.  
“Let’s begin.”  
He digs around in the first bowl and pulls out an ID card. Then he digs around in the second bowl and pulls out a slip of paper.  
“Lucas, would you rather stab your own hand or have Scarlet do it for you?”  
Scarlet can’t help but smirk at the idea.  
“There’s no way I’d let that bitch touch me!” Lucas snaps as he grabs the knife. “I’d rather do it myself!”  
He brings the knife down on his hand, right in the middle. It doesn’t go all the way through, but blood still gushes out like a waterfall. He shouts in pain as he tears it out and drops it on the table.  
“Alright then. Moving on,” Johnny grunts.  
He picks the victim and the question.  
“Scarlet, would you rather get hit in the stomach with a bat by Hunter or Lucas?”   
“What kind of question is that?” she snaps. Nny just shrugs. She groans and looks at the boys. “What if I choose neither?”  
“Then I’ll cut off your nose,” he replies.  
“Ugh,” she whimpers, “I guess Lucas then.”  
Lucas immediately grabs the bat off the table and slams it into her stomach. She shouts in pain and falls to her knees, curled in on herself. Johnny wastes no time picking another question.  
“Hunter, would you rather stab yourself in the shin or get stabbed by Lucas?”  
“I’ll stab myself,” he snaps as he grabs a knife and immediately sticks it in his right shin.  
The game progresses steadily. The players hate each other so much, they never hesitate to hurt each other or themselves, depending on the question. The only time they slow down is when the question involves being hurt by one of the others, like Scarlet’s first question. It’s just such a hard choice.  
“Alright, players,” Johnny booms, “we have ten minutes left in the game so I’m gonna mix things up.”  
He hops out of his chair, shuffling the ID cards around as he circles the table. He stops shuffling and looks at the card on the top of the pile.  
“Scarlet, would you rather lose your thumb or get stabbed in the stomach?” he asks.  
“What?” she exclaims.  
“Keep in mind that I will be doing this.”  
“Uh-um, st-stomach.”   
He wastes no time in stabbing her in her stomach. She gags and falls to her knees.  
“Hunter, would you rather lose your right ear or left ear?”  
“That’s not a choice!” he exclaims.  
“If you don’t choose then you’ll lose both,” Johnny says.  
“Er, uh, um, right!”  
He screams as Johnny slices through his ear, cutting it right off.  
“Lucas, would you rather get your right knee cut or your left elbow?”  
“Uh um, elbow.”  
Johnny slices open his left elbow. He groans and grips it tightly.  
After a few minutes, the three players are all covered in quite a few injuries. They’re tired and hurting but Lucas is the worst. He’s not holding up too well. He can barely stay on his feet.  
“Okay, we’ve got time for one more question,” Johnny announces. “Lucas, would you rather I slice open your ankle tendons or your wrists?”  
“You… fuck,” Lucas pants, “that… could kill… me.”  
“I think we all know you’re already dead,” Johnny states, “in the state you’re in, you’ll never make it to the next round. So how would you rather go out?”  
“I’ll take… you out… with me,” Lucas growls.  
“Jeez, you’re dramatic. You can barely stand up,” he scoffs.  
Lucas grabs a knife off the table and tries to stand, but his legs quickly give out beneath him. Johnny just watches him with boredom.  
“So you’re not gonna answer the question?” he asks.  
“Fuck… you,” Lucas snarls.  
Johnny shrugs and cuts his nose off. Lucas screams and falls to the floor, gripping his face.  
“Hunter, Scarlet, you two can go over to the next round,” Johnny says, “I’ll be right with you.”  
They stumble past Johnny and to the end of the room. They push through the door and collapse on the floor, panting heavily.  
“We’re not gonna make it,” Hunter growls, “he’ll kill us.”  
Scarlet can’t even say anything. She’s just too tired.  
Johnny walks through the door, wiping his knife down with a disinfectant wipe. He seems to be in a hurry. “Unfortunately we don’t have time for the next game. I lost track of time. I didn’t realize it was already morning.”  
“Anyway,” he says quickly, “we’re gonna have to pause the game. So if you’ll follow me, I’ll show you to your rooms. And be quick about it.”  
Scarlet and Hunter stand on shaky legs and follow Johnny out of the room. They walk through random rooms for a few minutes before they arrive to a dark hallway with doors along the walls. Johnny opens two and motions for Hunter and Scarlet to go in.  
“Rest here and I’ll be back in a few hours,” he says, “I wouldn’t recommend escaping though. First of all, you’ll never make it. Second of all, the game is paused. If you try to un-pause the game without my permission, you will be punished.”  
“Later, players,” Johnny waves before jogging down the hall. Scarlet and Hunter go into their rooms and collapse on the floor. They take deep breaths and close their eyes.  
Scarlet almost falls asleep but wakes up when she hears footsteps. She stands up and peeks around the corner. Hunter is leaving his room and trudging down the hall.  
“What are you doing?” she hisses.  
“What do you think? Getting the hell out of here,” he snaps.  
“Are you crazy? You’ll never make it,” she points out.  
“What’s with the change of attitude? I thought you wanted to escape.”  
“I do, but…”  
“Well, do what you want,” Hunter snaps, “but we’ve been given this chance and I’m taking it.”  
Scarlet stares after him as he walks down the hall. She whimpers before chasing after him. “Wait for me.”  
They rush through the seemingly endless hallways, climb up stairs and ladders, and move as quickly as they can. They have no idea where they’re going but they don’t let that slow them down. They gotta get out of here.  
After what seems like hours, they find a ladder that leads to a seemingly normal door. As they climb the ladder, the sound of rain and voices grows louder. They stop at the door and crack it open a tiny bit.  
“Skool’s closed,” a younger boy says, “it’s raining too much.”  
“I’d say so.” They wince at Johnny’s voice. “The streets are like a swimming pool.”  
“I’m going back to bed,” the boy announces.  
“Okey dokes,” Johnny grunts, “see you in a bit.”  
Scarlet scrambles back, shoving Hunter away. They quickly back away and climb down the ladder. They argue silently when they hit the floor. Hunter thinks they could take him by surprise, knock him out or something. Scarlet wants to hide.  
After a few seconds they get tired of each other. Scarlet looks around quickly and notices a small hallway in the wall. It’s so dark that they didn’t notice it before. She rushes over and ducks into the shadows just as the door opens.  
Hunter spins around and whimpers. Johnny exits the house and hops off the ledge, landing only a few feet from Hunter.  
“Well, well, look what we have here,” he grunts, “a little mouse escaping his cell. You understand I gotta punish you now, right?”  
“No, no, you-you can’t,” Hunter whimpers.  
“I told you if you tried to un-pause the game, you would be punished,” he points out as he moves closer to him. Hunter backs away slowly.  
“This-this is a bonus level!” he exclaims.  
“Bonus level?” Johnny scoffs, “don’t be stupid. Life doesn’t have bonus levels.”  
Hunter snaps. He stops trembling and squares his shoulders as he tries to look intimidating. Johnny just cocks his eyebrow.  
“Go ahead! You don’t scare me! You’re just as bad as me!” Hunter snaps. Johnny rolls his eyes. He’s not fazed by his words.  
“You know what?” he growls, “I’m gonna get out of here. You can’t stop me. And when I do, I won’t change. Your stupid lessons won’t change me. Kids are great! They’re cute and innocent! You haven’t lived until you’ve torn that innocence apart!”  
“Like your kid,” he smirks, “I bet he’d be lots of fun. I would tear-.”  
He stops when he gets one look at Johnny’s eyes. They’ve changed so drastically in a matter of seconds. The pupils are so constricted, they’re practically invisible. It’s like looking into the eyes of a beast.  
His hand lashes out and grips Hunter’s neck. His sharp fingers break the skin, causing blood to spill out to the floor. Hunter can barely gag as he’s tossed down the hall like a doll. He rolls across floor and lands on his stomach. He doesn’t even have time to breathe before Johnny slams his foot on his back.   
Johnny grabs his hair and lifts his head, keeping his foot pressed in the middle of his spine. He grabs his knife and presses the blade to Hunter’s scalp.  
“Your hair pisses me off,” he mutters as he slices through the skin. His screams of pain bounce off the wall.  
Meanwhile, Scarlet races down the mysterious hall. It’s not very long and doesn’t take her much time to reach the end.  
She gasps when she hears Hunter screaming behind her. She looks around frantically. This can’t be a dead end. Please.  
She feels along the walls for any sort of door. As she runs her hand along the ceiling, she notices it feel loose, like a loose panel or something. She pushes on it, but it feels stuck.  
She summons all of her strength and jumps, shoving it open. She pulls herself through the opening and looks around. It looks like she’s in the basement of a house or something. It’s mostly empty except for some random boxes.  
Scarlet quickly closes the hidden door and dashes up the stairs. She can hear heavy rain. She must be back on the surface.  
She ends up in an empty living room. She quickly spots the front door and races through it. She’s immediately bombarded with large raindrops. She smiles with relief and immediately starts running.  
Her feet splash through the deep puddles. It’s so cold and it really stings her injuries, but it feels so good because she’s free. She’s free!  
But it’s not over. Not yet.  
She keeps running until she spots a payphone. She digs around in her pockets and finds some change. She sighs with relief and sticks it in the machine. She dials 911 and holds the receiver to her ear.  
“This is 911. What is your emergency?”  
“Please, help me!” Scarlet cries, “I was kidnapped and tortured. He killed so many people. You have to help!”  
“Please, relax, ma’am. Where are you? Who is this person?”  
“I’m near Grave Road on the South End and-.” They hang up. “Hello? Hello!”  
Scarlet starts hyperventilating as she tries dialing again but it doesn’t work. She needs to put in more money. But she doesn’t have anymore.  
“No! Why’d they hang up?” she screams.  
“The police don’t come near Grave Road anymore.” She freezes at the sound of the voice. “They haven’t for a long time. It’s really corrupt, but you can’t really blame them. A lot of fucked up shit happens there.”  
She turns around slowly and screams when she sees Johnny standing right behind her, holding an umbrella.  
She turns to run but she doesn’t even make it two feet away before Johnny smacks her in the back of the head with it.

Scarlet’s eyes blink open. She groans from the pain in her head. It takes her a minute to register what’s going on. She’s being dragged across a stone floor, leaving a trail of blood behind.  
She tries to scream but the second she opens her mouth, the grip on her ankle tightens to a bone-snapping degree, shutting her up.  
“Oh, good, you’re awake,” Johnny says.  
She whimpers but doesn’t try to fight back. She just lets him drag her across the floor. She has no hope now. She can’t escape him.  
He takes her to a metal door with a strange lock on it. He opens it and tosses her into the cell.  
“You know,” Johnny grunts as he leans against the door frame. “I really would’ve let you go if you just followed the rules and won the game. Really, I would have. But you just had to cheat. Now you’re gonna be here forever. But don’t worry. You’ll have lots of fun with your new roommate, I’m sure.”  
Scarlet sits up and looks around. Hunter is lying beside her, his hair completely gone and his head nothing but a red, slimy dome.  
She screams a scream of fear and despair as Johnny closes the door, shutting them in absolute darkness.


	12. Parent/Teacher Night

The class barely pays attention as Miss Sweeties goes on about some English concepts. Most are playing on their phones or just zoning out. They’re all relieved when the final bell rings, signalling the end of Skool.  
“Oh, and remember, class,” Miss Sweeties says as everyone starts filing out. “Parent/teacher night is tonight and all parents and guardians must attend. It is mandatory this year.”  
Squee stops in his tracks, his blood running cold in his veins. “Mandatory? Oh no.”

“Mandatory!” Johnny snaps, “what kind of bureaucratic bullshit is that?”  
“Well, because we’re all in ninth grade and making the transition into high school, the Skool board thought it’d be good if parents and guardians were kept up to date on exactly what is going on with their kids,” Squee explains.  
“Fuck sakes,” he groans and rubs the bridge of his nose.  
“You’ll come right?” Squee asks.  
“Well, I kind of have to, don’t I?” Johnny snaps.  
Devi and Tenna laugh from their spots on the couch.  
“I wish I could go to this thing just to watch Johnny fail at being an actual guardian,” Tenna snickers wickedly.  
“You two need to get a fucking hobby,” Johnny groans.  
“But she’s got a point,” Devi says, “you’re only a guardian by name. Everything else is basically an illusion. All of those parents and teachers are going to be judging you. Maybe we should dress you up and make you look like you’ve actually got your act together.”  
“No,” Squee snaps, “I don’t care what they think. Johnny’s a great guardian and I’m not going to force him to change for some pointless meeting.”  
Johnny stares down at the kid with a mixture or surprise and elation in his chest. He sighs and scratches his neck. “When’s the meeting?”  
“In about an hour,” Squee replies.  
“Alright. Let me go change and then we’ll leave,” Johnny grunts before walking down the hall to his room.  
A few minutes later he comes back into the living in a pair of nice sneakers, jeans, a black shirt with a barcode icon, and his trench coat.  
“Alright, let’s go,” he demands as he heads for the door.  
“Hold it,” Squee orders. Johnny looks at him curiously. “No weapons.”  
Johnny glares at him for a second before groaning and heading back to his room. This time he comes back with a plain, black sweater instead of his coat.  
“We good now?” he asks.  
“I don’t know. Are we?” Squee shoots back.  
They stare at each other for a second before Johnny groans again and takes a couple of switchblades and butterfly knives out of his pockets, dropping them on the coffee table.  
“There. Now we’re good,” he insists.  
“Kay,” Squee smiles and they head for the door.  
Johnny looks back at the giggling girls on his couch. “You two had better not be here when I get back.”  
They just laugh as he slams the door.  
About an hour later, Johnny pulls the car over in front of the Skool, just in time for the meeting. The boys stare at the building and the many people going inside.  
Now Johnny’s social anxiety isn’t nearly as bad as Squee’s. He can actually manage to talk to strangers without stuttering like a motorboat or having a panic attack. But he still gets uneasy when confronted with a large social event, especially when the people attending have a right to judge him on his guardianship. So he’s feeling a little nervous.  
“Oh, boy,” he mutters, “maybe I should have dressed nicer. Or at least cleaned up a bit better.”  
“You’re fine, Nny,” Squee smiles, “don’t worry. We’ll stay the required hour and half, I’ll introduce you to my teachers, and you can chow down on the free food. Okay?”  
“Okay,” Johnny smiles gratefully. He’s glad Squee believes in him like this.  
They get out of the car and walk into the Skool. They follow the signs to the auditorium, which is full of students, teachers, and parents.   
“Alright, lead the way,” Johnny grunts.  
Squee looks around unsurely. He doesn’t see any of his friends here. He gently squeezes Shmee as he walks into the room, Johnny close behind.  
He spots Mr. Serene, his math and science teacher, close by. He steels his nerves and walks up to him.  
“M-Mr. Serene,” he stammers nervously. The teacher looks at curiously and smiles.  
“Ah, Squee. Good evening.”  
“Uh, th-this is my um guardian, Johnny,” Squee says as he points at Nny.  
“Johnny, it’s good to meet you,” Mr. Serene smiles and sticks out his hand.   
Johnny doesn’t even acknowledge it. “Yes, you as well.”  
Mr. Serene chuckles awkwardly and lowers his hand. “Um, Squee is a great student. He listens very well and does great on the assignments. My only complaint is, I wish he would participate more in class. You know, answer questions and such.”  
“Hm. Yes, well, he doesn’t do well with being put on the spot,” Johnny shrugs.  
“Yes, I understand,” Mr. Serene nods, “but it is only a minor problem. He is quite smart. You should be proud.”  
Johnny just smiles and glances down at Squee. He’s staring bashfully at the floor and fiddling with his fingers.  
“Well, I have other parents to meet. Enjoy your evening,” Mr. Serene waves before walking off. Squee half waves and sighs.  
“Okay, who’s next?” Johnny asks.  
“Um, Ms. Bitters and Miss Sweeties, but I don’t see them around,” Squee replies.  
“Alright. Let’s get punch,” he declares as he walks over to one of the many tables. Squee smiles and follows after him.  
They dish out punch to their cups and sip it quietly for a few seconds, before Squee hears someone call his name. He turns around and smiles at Zita.  
“Oh, hey, Zita.”  
“Hi, Squee,” she smiles, “hello, Johnny.”  
“Nny, you remember Zita,” Squee says. Johnny just scratches his head as he stares at her curiously. “Remember? She was with us when we were attacked by Gaz’s stuffed animals.”  
“Oh, yeah,” he says with realization. “She was the one who said I had schizophrenia.”  
“Oh, I-I didn’t mean that,” Zita says quickly.  
“Don’t worry about it,” Johnny waves it away. “I’ve been called worse things.”  
Zita smiles and motions to the woman behind her. “This is my mom, Meredith. Mom, this is Squee and Johnny.”  
“It’s nice to meet you both,” Meredith smiles.  
“Uh, yeah. You too,” Squee nods.  
“So, Johnny. What do you do for a living?” she asks.  
Johnny’s mind reels faster than a super computer. I could say I’m in between jobs. But would that look good for Squee? Oh, wait. I know.  
“I’m an exterminator.” Squee nearly chokes on his punch.  
“An exterminator?” Zita questions, “like with bugs?”  
“Bugs, rodents, all kinds of pests really,” Johnny shrugs, “but I think of it as more of a hobby than a job.”  
“Oh, that’s good,” Meredith smiles, “it’s always nice to have a job you love.”  
“Indeed,” Johnny smirks.  
“Oh, look! There’s Ms. Bitters!” Squee says quickly as he points across the room. “Come on, Johnny. Let’s go talk to her. See you, Zita.” He gently shoves Johnny away.  
“Bye, Squee,” Zita waves.  
Johnny giggles as they walk away. “I think I owe you an apology, Squee. This is more fun than I thought.”  
“I’m glad,” Squee grunts, completely unamused.  
He quickly clears his throat and waves nervously. “He-hello, Ms. Bitters.”  
She looks at him and grunts, “Squee.”  
“Uh, this is my guardian, Johnny.”  
Johnny cocks his eyebrow as he examines the history teacher. Looks like a praying mantis.  
Ms. Bitters looks at Johnny, an eerily familiar scent wafting into her nose. She growls like a beast and Johnny winces. Oh, shit. Did she just hear my thoughts?  
“Johnny C,” she snarls, “what does the C stand for?”  
“Nothing. It’s just-just C,” Johnny replies.  
“I see,” she mutters, “tell me, where did you go to school?”  
“Uh, um, I went to…a South End school,” he says quickly, “it wasn’t that great. You’ve probably never heard of it.”  
“Hm,” she grunts before slithering away.  
“I don’t think she likes me,” Johnny says.  
“I don’t think she likes anyone,” Squee says. He smiles, “you’re doing good though. I’m glad you’re keeping your temper in check.”  
“Nobody’s riled it yet,” Johnny shrugs.  
“Let’s hope it stays that way,” he says as he looks around. He smiles when he spots Dib. He waves and Dib waves back as he walks over.  
“Hey, Squee,” he smiles and looks up curiously. “You brought Johnny.”  
“I am his guardian,” Johnny grunts.  
“R-right,” Dib stammers, “er, I brought my dad. Dad, come over here.”  
Professor Membrane looks up from the tray of cookies and strides over. “Ah, Johnny C. It is a pleasure to see you again,” he says as he sticks out his hand.  
“Same to you, Professor,” Johnny smiles, ignoring his hand. [A/N. For any who might be confused, it is briefly mentioned in my IZ fanfic, Not Quite Un-Right, that Johnny and Membrane met at one point. It’s not really important.]  
“Ah-ha, still don’t like touching people I see,” Membrane laughs.  
“It’s nothing personal, Professor,” Johnny shrugs, “I hate touching most people.”  
“Nothing wrong with that,” Membrane says, “I must say, I was surprised when my son mentioned you were his friend’s guardian. I never pegged you as the child bearing type.”  
“I could say the same to you,” Johnny states.  
Membrane laughs jovially. Dib and Squee just stare at each other, completely exhausted with their adults.  
“So what’s Gaz up to?” Squee asks.  
“At home, playing games,” Dib replies, “Zim should be showing up soon. Wait until you get a load of his parents.”  
“Oh, yeah, I forgot about that,” Squee says, “does he even have parents?”  
“Not biologically. From what I know, Irkens are more like test tube babies,” he replies, “he has robots to pose as his human parents.”  
“Sounds cool,” Squee smiles.  
“It would be if they weren’t such a mess,” Dib sighs, “even with Kio’s instructions, they’re severely underdeveloped.”  
“Eh, I’m sure nobody will notice,” Squee shrugs.  
“Yeah, they don’t.”  
“Son, introduce me to your teachers now,” Membrane demands.  
“Yes, Dad. See you, Squee,” Dib waves before walking off. Squee smiles and waves back.  
“Membrane’s fun,” Johnny smiles, “he’s a special kind of idiot.”  
“Sure, Nny,” Squee nods.  
“So where’s your other teacher?” he asks.  
“Not sure. I don’t see her around,” he replies, “but there’s no need to rush. We still have over an hour left.”  
They stand by one of the concession tables and munch on the free food for a few minutes. Then Squee notices Zim walk through.  
“Oh, there’s Zim,” he smiles, “I wanna see his robo-parents.”  
Johnny groans as they walk over.  
“Hey, Zim,” Squee says.  
“Greetings, Squee,” Zim smiles then scowls. “You brought Johnny?”  
“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Johnny growls.  
Squee looks behind the disguised alien at the two ‘people’ behind him. “So these are your… uh parents, huh?”  
“Yes. They are quite parental and I love them will all my heart,” Zim nods. The two robots behind him look human enough, except for a few metal parts showing and the lifeless look in their eyes. “Mom, Dad, this is my friend, Squee.”  
“Be sure to brush your teeth every week,” the mom bot says.  
“My boy sure knows how to math class,” the dad bot says.  
Zim sighs. “I still have trouble with their human interaction.”  
“Yeah, I can relate,” Squee nods.  
“Still they get the job done,” Zim shrugs, “I’m gonna go introduce them to the teachers.”  
“Good luck,” Squee waves as they walk away.   
“Oh,” he gasps as he notices someone from the corner of his eye. “There’s Miss Sweeties. Let’s go talk to her.”  
Johnny sighs and follows him to the bubbly teacher.  
“Miss Sweeties,” Squee waves.  
“Squee. It’s so good to see you,” she smiles.  
“Yes. This is my guardian, Johnny,” she says.  
“Johnny. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Her hand lashes out and grabs Johnny’s, giving it a nice hearty shake. A shock travels all over Johnny’s body as he shudders with disgust. Squee’s hands shoot up to his mouth. Shmee chuckles.  
It takes all of Johnny’s will power to not snap off the woman’s arm. Fortunately for everyone he’s wearing his gloves so he doesn’t have to feel her skin. “Yes. You too,” he grunts.  
“Squee is such a great student,” Miss Sweeties beams as she finally lets him go. “He listens so well and does great on the assignments.”  
“Glad to hear it,” Johnny growls.   
“I gotta go meet some other parents,” she smiles, “see you Monday, Squee.”  
“Bye,” he waves as she walks away. As soon as she’s gone, he looks at Johnny worriedly.  
“I don’t like her,” he grunts. Squee sighs and pats his arm.  
“You did a great job, Nny,” he smiles, “now we just have to stay the rest of the hour.”  
Johnny groans and walks over to the concession. He fills a cup with punch and slams it back. “Not as good as Fiz Wiz.”  
Squee smiles and munches on a cookie. He perks up when he notices Pepito walk in. He waves. Pepito smiles and waves back. But his smile is not the usual elated grin. Instead it looks kind of forced. As Squee looks him over he realizes he’s not wearing his beanie to cover his horns, and he looks all around deflated.  
A man follows Pepito into the room. Squee and Johnny immediately recognize him and growl as they walk over.  
Pepito’s brought his father. Even though his human disguise is that of a respectable looking man, Johnny and Squee feel nothing but disgust in his presence.  
“Well, well, Johnny and Squee C,” Satan smiles, “it’s so good to see you both again.”  
The boys just glare him.  
“My, what’s with those similar expressions? You two have been spending too much time together,” he sighs, “Squee, you’ve certainly grown the last few years. Not on the outside of course, but the inside is what counts, isn’t it?”  
His hand reaches towards Squee’s head. He doesn’t wince or back down, but Satan still doesn’t get the chance to touch him. Johnny steps between the two and smacks his hand away.  
“Johnny, still as overprotective as ever, I see,” Satan comments. Johnny just glares at him.  
Squee looks at Pepito curiously. He looks so depressed. His eyes are completely focused on the floor. He won’t even meet Squee’s gaze.  
Squee slowly reaches towards him but before he can get close, his danger sensors go off.   
“Careful,” Shmee warns and he quickly pulls his arm back. He looks up at Satan fearfully. Nothing tried to attack him, but the bloodlust from his glare was enough to drive Squee back.  
“Anyway,” Satan grunts, “I need to meet my son’s teachers. Please excuse me. Pepito.”  
Satan walks off and Pepito follows him like a whipped puppy, still not meeting Squee’s gaze.  
“What the fuck is he doing here?” Johnny growls.  
“I don’t know. But it can’t be good,” Squee replies, “I’ve never seen Pepito like this.”   
Squee rubs his chin before coming to a conclusion. “Will you be okay on your own?”  
“I guess. Why?” Johnny asks.  
“I just gotta go do something,” he replies, “I’ll be back in a bit.”  
He trots through the large room until he finally spots Zim and Dib, then quickly runs over to them.  
“Guys,” he grunts.  
“Hey, Squee,” Dib says, “what’s up?”  
“I need your help with something,” he replies, “Pepito brought his dad here.”  
“His dad? Like… Satan?” he whispers.  
“Yeah. And something’s wrong. He looks really sad,” Squee explains, “I wanna talk to him but I just know Satan won’t let me near him. Can you help me split them up? Like distract Satan or something?”  
“Of course,” Zim booms, “leave it to Zim.”  
He marches off towards Pepito and his dad, his robo-parents in tow.  
“Um, Dad,” Dib says, “I gotta go do something. Stay here, okay?”  
Membrane doesn’t even notice. He’s too busy talking to Mr. Serene.  
“Let’s go,” Dib grunts. Squee nods and they scurry off.  
“Greetings, Pepito!” Zim calls as he approaches the disheartened antichrist.  
“Oh, uh, hey, Zim,” Pepito mutters.  
“This must be your father,” Zim comments, “hello, I am Zim. No doubt you’ve heard of me. I am pretty amazing.”  
Satan looks down at him, unamused. “That’s quite the interesting hue you have.”  
“Oh, yes,” Zim nods affirmatively, “it’s a birthmark.”  
Pepito cracks up and covers his mouth to keep from laughing.  
“These are my parents,” Zim says proudly, “Mom, Dad. This is my friend, Pepito, and his father.”  
“I cut grass for a living,” Robo-Dad states.  
“If your spine hurts, you should be stepped on,” Robo-Mom says.  
Satan is too thrown off to even have a response and Pepito is trying his hardest not to burst out laughing.  
While Zim’s parents distract Satan with their interesting conversation topics, Squee and Dib sneak up on Pepito. They grab him, race out of the auditorium, down the hall, and into an empty classroom.  
“Guys, what are-?” Pepito starts to ask but Squee hushes him. He and Dib look through the window into the hall, and sigh with relief when they see they weren’t followed.  
“You know, you can say what you want about Zim, but he is kind of a genius,” Squee smiles.  
“In his own way,” Dib nods.  
“What’s going on?” Pepito asks.  
“That’s what I want to know,” Squee shoots back, “why is Satan here? And why do you look so sad?”  
Pepito sighs and rubs his neck. “Alright. A few days ago Father showed up at the house. He said that he wanted to raise me again, but he has no desire of getting back together with Mom. He wants to train me to be the antichrist without any ‘Earthly desires’ getting in the way.”  
“Mom didn’t agree with this so they’ve been arguing for a while. They might form some kind of custody agreement. Anyway Mom let Father go with me to this thing. I guess she was just tired of arguing or something. But on the way here, he told me that if he gets full custody, then I’ll have to live in Hell with him.”  
“What?” Dib exclaims.  
“You don’t want to, do you?” Squee asks.  
“Of course not. I have absolutely no desire to be the antichrist,” Pepito says, “I just want to make music and go to Skool like a normal person. But Father completely disagrees. He won’t even let me wear my beanie. He thinks it’s ridiculous for me to hide my so called ‘lineage’.”  
“What are you gonna do?” Squee asks.  
“There’s nothing I can do,” he replies, “he just won’t listen to me.”  
“So make him listen.”  
Squee and Dib spin around to Zim. He’s standing in the doorway, looking very stern.  
“What are you doing here?” Dib asks.  
“Don’t worry. The robo-parents have Satan completely distracted,” Zim says reassuringly.  
“I can’t just make him listen, Zim,” Pepito says, “it’s not that easy.”  
“Bullshit,” he snaps, “you have control over your own life and you’re the one at fault for thinking otherwise. If you just give yourself blindly over to an authority figure, then you’ll only end up getting hurt.”  
His PAK opens up and a spider leg comes out, holding a pink beanie. Zim grabs it and pulls it on over Pepito’s head. “You know how you want to live and what you want to do. Don’t let anyone force you to do otherwise.”  
Pepito looks at him with surprise. He straightens the beanie so it covers his horns and smiles. But his smile quickly disappears as a cold shiver runs down the other’s spines. They spin around to Satan standing in the doorway.  
“You three are a bad influence,” he growls.  
“Bad influence?” Dib questions.  
He points at Squee. “A constant disappointment to his parents and an escapee from a mental hospital.” He points at Dib. “Always defying his father’s wishes.” He points at Zim. “A criminal and all-around embarrassment of his entire race.”  
“Wow, he’s right,” Zim mutters then beams, “we’re bad boys!”  
“Oh, my god,” Squee groans and facepalms.  
“I don’t want any of you hanging around my son,” Satan demands, “you’re filling his head with bad ideas.”  
“We’re filling his head with the truth,” Dib snaps, “you have no control over him.”  
“That’s right. Children aren’t just puppets to their parents, no matter who they are,” Squee adds.  
“You can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to,” Zim concludes, “Pepito is his own person.”  
“Foolish little mortals,” Satan snarls, “you know not the powers you face. Pepito is the Antichrist and he will bring darkness upon this world.”  
“This world is mine,” Zim argues, “and nobody will bring darkness upon it, least of all somebody who doesn’t want to.”  
“Pepito!” Satan snaps, “come here! And take off that ridiculous hat!”  
“No, Father!” Pepito says sternly, “I don’t want to. This hat is amazing.”  
“You dare defy me?”  
“I don’t want to be the antichrist. I want to make music and friends. Earth is awesome and I’m not going to ruin it.”  
Satan snarls. Black lighting is crackling around him. His disguise is starting to drop, slowly revealing his true form. Pepito and the others back up warily.  
“Found you!” Satan gasps as Zim’s robot parents glomp him from behind.  
“Come, dear, we must take a photo with our new friend,” Dad robot chimes.  
“Yes! To the toilets!” Mom robot cheers. They hold onto Satan and race down the hall cheerfully. Zim and the others watch them with surprise.  
“I… think it’s time to go,” Dib says.  
“Yup,” the others nod and race back to auditorium.  
Squee and Dib run through the room and quickly grab their adults, who are thankfully talking to each other.  
“Johnny, come on, we gotta go,” Squee orders as he tugs on Nny’s arm.  
“Yeah, us too, Dad,” Dib says quickly.  
“Is it over already?” Membrane asks.  
“Yeah, yeah sure,” he nods, “just go. Hurry.”  
“Squee, what’s wrong?” Johnny asks as Squee pushes him into the hallway.  
“Nothing yet. That’s why we gotta go,” Squee replies.  
Pepito and Zim wait for them by the front door. Once they’ve arrived, Pepito pulls the fire alarm and they leave.  
They’re outside before the sprinklers go off. They stop on the front lawn and turn around as everyone else rushes out of the building.  
Somewhere inside the Skool, a small explosion is heard. Something flies through the ceiling and lands by Zim’s feet. They stare down with surprise at his robo-Dad’s head.  
“Eh, they were failures anyway,” he shrugs.  
“Is this how most of these meetings go?” Johnny asks.  
“More often than you’d think,” Dib replies.  
“You guys do understand you just made an enemy out of one of the most dangerous creatures in history, right?” Pepito asks.  
“So?” Zim shrugs.  
“Yeah, seems like a normal day to me,” Dib comments.  
“I’m pretty sure Satan already hated me,” Squee says, “this is just gravy.”  
Pepito sighs. “You guys are crazy.”  
“Are not,” Dib argues.  
“If we’re crazy then you’re just as crazy because you choose to hang out with us,” Squee retorts.  
“I guess I am,” Pepito smiles.  
“Come on, guys. We’re not crazy. We’re amazing!” Zim cheers.  
“What the hell did you guys do?” Johnny asks.  
“Nothing out of the ordinary,” Squee replies.  
“Oh, yeah, that totally clears everything up,” he scoffs sarcastically.  
The boys smile but it quickly drops at the sound of sirens.  
“Uh oh,” Pepito groans.  
“We better get going,” Dib demands.  
“Yeah. I gotta rebuild my robo-parents anyway,” Zim says.   
They quickly leave the Skool grounds. Dib goes with his dad to their car, Zim marches proudly down the street, and Squee and Johnny go to their car.  
“Do you want a ride?” Squee asks Pepito.   
“No, that’s okay,” he replies, “my mom dropped us off. She should be here soon.”  
“Okay. See you,” he waves and climbs into the car. Pepito smiles and waves back.  
“You know,” Johnny says as they drive away. “I did pretty great today. I mean I don’t like to brag, but I kept my temper in check all evening. I didn’t get into any trouble. So I don’t think it’d be too much to ask if you did the same every once in a while.”  
“If I could I would,” Squee sighs, “but trouble follows me around like a lost dog.”  
“Yeah, well, I guess you living with me is proof of that,” Johnny grunts.  
“That’s not trouble. That’s an added bonus,” he beams.  
Johnny smiles and ruffles his hair. Tonight didn’t go quite as planned, but somehow it wasn’t out of the ordinary either. It was just another normal day.


	13. New Neighbors

It’s a nice, lazy Saturday morning. Johnny is spread out on the couch in an old pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and striped socks. The floor around him is littered in candy wrappers and empty Fiz Wiz bottles. He’s watching a romantic comedy movie. For the last hour and a half the male and female lead have been denying their feelings for each and getting into all kinds of ridiculously hilarious fights.  
“They either need to kill each other or make out,” Johnny declares. He tears open a bag of chocolate balls and dumps half the contents into his mouth.  
His moment of blissfulness is interrupted by a knock on the door. He groans, swallows the candy, and throws on a nearby sweater before answering.  
It’s Amanda, his neighbor from across the street. They hate each other so she must have a good reason for coming here.  
They do their routine glare before Johnny asks, “what?”  
“I just thought I should let you know- because I doubt you were aware- that the house next door was just sold,” she replies.  
“What?” he exclaims and looks next door. He quickly spots the ‘Sold’ sign on the front lawn.  
“Yeah, I think they’re moving in sometime today,” she says.  
“Do you know anything about them?”  
“I think they’re a family, but that’s it.”  
“Hm,” Johnny groans and scratches his head. “Well, thanks for letting me know, I guess.”  
“Don’t feel special. I’m telling Shane and Sage to,” Amanda grunts.  
“Of course you are, because you just have to be involved in everything,” he snaps.   
They glare at each other again before Johnny slams the door closed. He leans against it and rubs his forehead.  
He’s not particularly worried about getting new neighbors. As long as they leave him the hell alone, then everything will be fine. But that house next door, that’s the one Squee used to live in when he was a kid. When he was Todd Casil.  
Squee never talks about his past. In fact, he doesn’t seem the least bit bothered by it. But that might be because he’s never had anything to remind him of it. So how will this affect him?  
Johnny sighs and starts cleaning up his mess. Squee’s still asleep. He’s been sleeping in a lot on the weekends.   
“Should I tell him when he wakes up?” Johnny muses as he cleans. “I mean he’ll find out eventually. I might as well be the one to prepare him. I wonder how he’ll take it.”  
As soon as he’s finished cleaning, Squee leaves his bedroom. He’s in his striped pyjamas with Shmee hanging from his arms and Nugget trotting at his heels. He stretches and yawns, “morning, Nny.”  
“Morning,” Johnny says.  
Squee walks past him to the fridge. Johnny watches him as he grabs a carton of milk and pours some into a cup.  
“So uh,” he mutters and rubs his neck. “Amanda just told me that um the house next door has just been sold.”  
“Really?” Squee questions.  
“Yeah. Apparently the new residents are moving in sometime today,” he adds.  
“That’s cool,” he comments.  
“Are you… okay with that?” he asks cautiously.  
“Even if I wasn’t there’s nothing I can do about it,” Squee replies as he walks by.  
“Yeah, that’s true,” Johnny grunts, “but I mean more emotionally. Are you bothered? You did used to live there.”  
“It’s fine, Nny,” Squee says, “that part of my life isn’t a factor anymore. Like you.”  
“Well, yeah, but I have the luxury of not being able to remember my past reality,” Johnny reminds him, “you don’t.”  
“It’s okay, really,” he says again and smiles, “but it’s kind of exciting, getting new neighbors.”  
“Ugh, I guess,” Johnny groans as they sit on the couch.  
The rest of the morning is uneventful. Squee eats breakfast with Johnny and the two spend hours watching mindless TV. Then a moving van pulls up out front, followed by an old looking car.  
Four people jump out of the car and walk up the lawn to the newly sold house. Little do these people know, everyone on the block is watching them.  
The C’s watch from the kitchen window, eyeing them through the blinds.  
“What do you think?” Squee asks.  
“Looks like an average family to me,” Johnny shrugs.  
There’s a pale, thin man in the lead. He’s clearly the father. Behind him is a pretty dark-skinned woman. She’s the mother. Taking up the rear is a tan skinned teenage boy and a young girl.  
“Mother looks caring and father looks… mediocre,” Johnny observes.  
“The girl looks about Emily’s age,” Squee says, “she’ll like that.”  
“The boy looks about your age,” Johnny adds, “do you like that?”  
Squee shrugs, “I don’t think we’ll be communicating much.”  
Nugget meows, unimpressed, and trots away.  
“My sentiments exactly, cat,” Johnny grunts, “they don’t seem very interesting.”  
“I wonder why they’re moving to Grave Road,” Squee muses.  
“Money troubles, probably,” Johnny replies, “that’s why anyone moves here.”  
Squee continues to watch them as Nny walks away. He fiddles with Shmee’s arms.  
“There really is nothing special about them,” Shmee says, “kind of underwhelming, really.”  
Squee sighs and joins Johnny on the couch. They continue watching TV for the rest of the day. Just a nice, uneventful Saturday.  
That is until sometime in the evening, when someone rings the doorbell.  
“Two guests in one day,” Johnny grunts as he stands up. “New record.”  
“What about Devi and Tenna?” Squee asks.  
“Stalkers don’t count,” he replies as he opens the door. Standing there is the woman that just moved in next door.  
“Hello,” she smiles and waves. “My name is Mia Evans, I just moved in next door.”  
Johnny stares at her with annoyance before saying, “I’m Johnny C.”  
“It’s nice to meet you,” she beams.  
“It could be if you leave me alone,” Johnny grunts.  
“Hi, hey, hello,” Squee says quickly as he steps between the two. “I-I’m Squee, Squee C. It’s nice to meet you.”  
“Hello,” Mia smiles.  
“Don’t mind Johnny, he’s just um grouchy,” Squee smiles apologetically. Johnny glares at him but he ignores him.  
“Squee, if you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?” she asks.  
“Fifteen,” Squee replies.  
“My son is sixteen,” she beams, “would you like to meet him?”  
“Um, well.” Before he can give a straight answer, Mia’s already waving to someone next door.  
“Colton, Colton, come here a sec,” she calls. A few seconds later, the teenage boy walks over. “Squee, this is my son, Colton.”  
“Um, hi,” Squee says.  
“Uh, hey,” Colton replies.  
Colton is just a little taller than Squee with short black hair and brown eyes. He’s wearing some kind of super hero t-shirt and black pants. All in all, he’s not all that extraordinary.  
The two boys kind of stare at each other before looking away awkwardly.  
“Colton, maybe Squee can show you around the neighborhood,” Mia suggests.  
“You’ve driven down the road,” Johnny grunts, “you’ve seen the neighborhood.”  
Mia smiles awkwardly before patting Colton’s shoulder. “Well, it was nice meeting you both. I’m gonna introduce myself to the rest of the neighbors. See you later.”  
The C boys half wave before closing the door.  
“Fuck, that was awkward,” Shmee comments.  
“Ugh, Mia seems like the kind of person that butts into everybody’s business, just like Amanda,” Johnny groans with disgust.  
“They’ll probably get along and gossip a lot,” Squee says.  
“What do you think of that Colton kid?” Johnny asks.  
“Not sure. He seems… alright,” he replies.  
“Mia seems to want the two of you to be friends,” he points out.  
Squee doesn’t say anything to this. He just sits on the couch and scratches Nugget’s neck.  
The next day is just as uneventful. The neighbors spend it setting up their house and moving everything in, so their yard is cluttered with boxes.  
Devi and Tenna come over sometime in the afternoon, and Johnny fills them in on the situation. They wouldn’t leave him alone until he did.  
“So are they nice?” Tenna asks.  
“I guess,” Johnny shrugs, “still annoying.”  
“You think everybody’s annoying,” Devi grunts.  
“Everybody is,” he retorts.  
“What about you, Squee? What do you think of them?” Tenna asks.  
“They’re alright, I guess,” he shrugs.  
“You should totally talk to that Colton kid,” Devi suggests.  
“Why?”  
“Wouldn’t it be nice to have some normal friends?”  
“What exactly qualifies as ‘normal’?” he asks.  
“Being human, for one,” she replies.  
“If you’re referring to Zim being an alien, let me point out that in Irken society, humans aren’t normal,” he retorts.  
“He’s got you there,” Johnny says.  
“Alright, I deserved that,” Devi shrugs, “a kid should be able to pick his own friends. But how about this? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a friend that lives nearby?”  
“Pepito’s house is close enough to walk to,” Squee argues.  
“Don’t you want to meet new people?” Tenna asks.  
“Not really, no.”  
Johnny chuckles. “You’re fighting a losing battle. Just leave the kid alone.”  
They sigh but otherwise stay quiet.   
Later that day, Squee leaves the house to go to the convenience store. On the way back he notices Emily playing with the new girl. They’re in Amanda’s yard, talking and having a good time.  
He smiles as he starts to head up to his house. But he suddenly stops at a sharp yell, “Colton!”  
He turns around and notices the neighbor dad motioning angrily to a large stack of boxes.  
“Your books are going to take up the whole house at this point,” he snaps, “I thought I told you to sell them.”  
“I can’t sell them, Dad,” Colton argues, “they’re like my most prized possessions.”  
“Fine,” he grunts, “but you’re moving them in and you’re keeping them all in your room.”  
“Fine,” Colton scoffs. The dad walks away, leaving Colton with the pile of boxes.  
Squee stares in awe. There are over twenty large boxes in that pile. And they’re all books?  
Colton groans as he tries to pick up a box from the top of the tower. He loses his balance and knocks one over. It hits the ground hard and tears open, sending books tumbling across the grass.  
“Fuck,” Colton moans as he starts to pick them up.  
Squee grabs one that landed near his feet. It’s some sort of fantasy graphic novel.  
“Um.” Squee looks up at Colton. He winces and hands him the book.  
“Uh, sorry,” he says quickly.  
“It’s okay,” Colton mutters as he takes the book. He’s got them all in his arms and is having a hard time holding them.  
“Do you uh need help?” Squee asks hesitantly.  
“Um, sure,” Colton replies just as hesitantly.  
Squee puts the grocery bag on the ground and takes some books from Colton. They carry them back over to his pile of boxes and rest them in the open one.  
“So uh are these all books?” Squee asks in the hopes of breaking the awkward silence.  
“Um, yeah,” Colton replies, “they’re comic books, graphic novels, and manga. I have way too much. But I’ve read them all like a dozen times. I really love them. Uh, but it’s dumb.”  
It’s clear that Colton loves talking about his books but probably never gets the chance to.  
Squee smiles, “I don’t think it’s dumb. I love books too.”  
“You do?”  
“Well, I mean, comic books are cool but I read novels more,” he clarifies, “I even write a bit.”  
“A bit. That’s an understatement,” Shmee comments.  
“You write? That’s really cool,” Colton smiles.  
“Yeah, I enjoy it.”  
“What kind of stuff do you write?”  
“Uh, just random things. I don’t really have a set genre.”  
“What kind of books do you read?”  
“Um, slice-of-life stuff mostly. You know, like fictional stories related to real life,” Squee replies, “what about you?”  
“I like fantasy and adventure,” Colton says as he digs around the box before pulling out a graphic novel. “My favourite series is ‘The Black Storm’ by Travis Ringer. It’s kind of a horror, adventure type thing. But the art is incredible.”  
“You like art?” Squee asks.  
Colton nods. “That’s why I like comic books so such. They’re a mixture of stories and drawings. It’s like the best of both worlds.”  
“Do you draw at all?”  
“No. I’ve tried but I’m not very good. And I don’t really have the patience for it,” he smiles bashfully, “but uh I do play music a bit.”  
“You play an instrument?”  
He nods. “Bass guitar.”  
“That’s so cool,” Squee beams.  
Colton smiles. “I also really like rap. But I’m not very good at it. I stutter too much. Uh, what kind of music do you like?”  
“A little bit of everything I guess. But one of my friends is really into rock and roll so I’ve been getting more into that.”  
“Colton!” The boys wince at the shout and turn around. His dad is pointing angrily at the house. “Enough talking and move your books into the house already. We don’t have all day.”  
“I should probably go,” Squee says as he picks up his grocery bag.  
“Yeah. But um we should talk again,” Colton says quickly.  
“Sure,” Squee smiles.  
With that Colton goes back to trying to move his books while Squee enters his house. As soon as he’s inside, he’s bombarded by the prying eyes of Devi, Tenna, and Johnny.  
“What?” he questions.  
“We saw that,” Tenna says slyly.  
“What?”  
“You two were so cute,” Devi coos, “you both just had huge smiles on your faces.”  
Squee groans and walks to the kitchen.  
“So? What’s he like?” Johnny asks.  
“He’s actually really cool,” Squee smiles, “he likes books and art and he plays bass guitar.”  
“Aw, see, you are friends,” Tenna chimes.  
Squee rolls his eyes and doesn’t say anything as he unpacks the groceries.  
Later that evening, Squee is sitting on the couch, writing yet another story in one of his many notebooks. He’s puttering along at an enjoyable pace when he’s suddenly interrupted.  
“Squee~~,” Tenna and Devi sing.  
“What?” he groans.  
“Colton is outside on the curb, all alone,” Tenna says.  
“You should go talk to him,” Devi adds.  
“But I’m writing a story,” he argues.  
They grab him by his shirt and shove him out the door. “The story can wait.”  
They close the door and lock it before he even knows what happened. He spins around with surprise then sighs with annoyance.  
“You two are tyrannical,” Johnny comments.  
“It’s for his own good,” Devi insists.  
Squee looks at Colton. He’s just sitting on the curb, watching his little sister play with Emily across the street.  
Squee fiddles with Shmee’s arms as he walks up to him. “Uh, hey.”  
“Oh, hi,” Colton says.  
“Can I um join you?”  
Colton nods. Squee sits beside him and they watch the girls in silence.  
After a few minutes, Colton points at his sister. “That’s my little sister, Kay. She’s like a billions times cooler than me.”  
“Isn’t she only five?” Squee asks.  
“Doesn’t matter,” Colton shrugs.  
“Well, she does seem pretty cool,” he comments, “and Emily really likes her.”  
“Yeah, they stuck together like glue the second they met.”  
They’re quiet for a few more minutes before Colton again tries to strike up a conversation. “So, uh, your brother, is he as scary as he looks?”  
“You mean Johnny? He’s not my brother,” Squee says, “we’re not even blood related. But I’m closer to him than I ever was with my parents. Oh, and to answer your question, no he’s not.”  
“He seems pretty scary,” Colton comments.  
“You’ll get used to him,” Squee says reassuringly, “what about your dad? Is he as scary as he looks?”  
“Only when he’s mad,” he replies, “his name’s Lloyd. You probably won’t see much of him after we’re settled in. He spends most of his time working.”  
“Your mom seems nice.”  
“She is. But she can be a little overbearing. She’s always trying to make me meet new friends,” he groans, “but I hate meeting new people.”  
“Me too,” Squee sighs, “most people think I’m weird.”  
“Me too. Everyone at school thinks I’m a loser.”  
They stare at each other with surprise before smiling.  
“I think you’re pretty cool, Squee,” Colton says.  
“I think you’re pretty cool too,” Squee replies.  
“You wanna my bro?” he asks.  
“Bro?”  
“It’s like friends, but better.”   
“Um, sure, okay.”  
Colton beams and lifts his fist. Squee looks at it questionably.  
“Pound it, dude,” Colton says, “bro fist.”  
“What a dork,” Shmee comments.  
“A cool dork,” Squee smiles and taps his fist against Colton’s.  
“Hey, Squee!” Emily exclaims as she runs over. “Guess what? Kay says she thinks unicorns are awesome.”   
“Well of course they are,” Squee nods, “right, Colton?”  
“Obviously. Unicorns are like the coolest things ever,” Colton agrees.  
“I know, right,” Emily sings.  
“Emily, Colton reads about unicorns all the time,” Kay says.  
Squee looks at him questionably.  
“Um, one of my graphic novels features unicorns,” he clarifies then whispers, “but they’re a slightly more violent version than I think Emily’s familiar with.”  
“In my experience, things are always slightly more violent than the versions we’re familiar with,” Squee comments, “like elves.”  
“What? Elves?” Colton questions.  
“Oh, um, never mind,” he says quickly.  
“No, come on, dude. You’ve gotta spill,” he demands.  
“Okay, well, a couple years ago, around Christmas, I was attacked by these little creatures that turned out to elves,” Squee explains, “they were vicious and nothing like the elves from stories.”  
“That’s so cool,” Colton exclaims.  
“You believe me?”  
“Sure, bros always believe in their bros.”  
Squee smiles gratefully. Most people would’ve called him weird or crazy. But Colton believed him without a second thought. Maybe he’s not as ordinary as Squee originally thought. Being bros might be pretty funny.


	14. Nny cant talk

Nny Can’t Talk

“I can’t fucking believe this! I swear the entire world is populated with nothing but idiots and assholes!”  
Squee follows Johnny into the house. Nugget’s ears barely twitch as she hears Johnny ranting at the top of his lungs. As long as it’s not related to her, then she doesn’t care.  
“The light was green! But the asshole in front of us wouldn’t budge! And then I’m the one who gets honked at! Why do these fuckers feel the need to drive when they clearly cannot?”  
After over three years of living together, Squee has long gotten used to Johnny’s yelling. It doesn’t bother him in slightest, not even those rare, rare times when it’s directed at him. And not just because Nny apologizes immediately after.  
Comforting him or telling him to shut up doesn’t help. In fact, usually it makes things worse. The best thing to do is to just let him get it all out of his system. After a few minutes he’ll quiet down and everything will be okay.  
“People are so terrible! They just love to put the blame on-.”  
Squee freezes. Johnny’s never stopped mid-sentence before.  
“Johnny? You okay?” he asks.  
He’s just standing there, his hand over his mouth and a very quizzical expression on his face.  
He lowers his hand and opens his mouth. A scratchy croak comes out. He immediately covers his mouth again.  
He was trying to say, “I’m fine.” Clearly he’s not.  
“What’s wrong?” Squee asks.  
Johnny swallows hard, his face wincing in pain as he rubs his neck.  
“Is it your throat?”  
Johnny nods.  
Squee’s face fills with worry. “We better go see Charlie.”  
Johnny sighs and follows him back to the car.  
Charlie lives in the same apartment building as Devi and Tenna. He’s a licensed doctor, but he doesn’t have an actual practice. He just treats people who can’t go to real hospitals, like the C’s. He’s basically their family doctor.  
“Alright, so what’s the problem?” he asks as he leads the boys to his homemade operation room.  
“He can’t talk and I think his throat hurts,” Squee replies.  
“Okay. Take a seat on the table,” Charlie demands as he pulls on a pair of gloves. Johnny sits on his operating table, looking very irritated.  
“Now say ‘ah’,” he orders. Johnny glares at him. “Ah, I’m just screwing with you,” he laughs, “no but seriously, open your mouth and stick out your tongue.”  
Johnny does so. Charlie uses a tongue depressor and a flashlight to look around in his throat.  
“As I thought,” Charlie declares as he lowers his tools. “Looks like a minor case of laryngitis. Nothing serious.”  
“How do we fix it?” Squee asks.  
“Drink lots of water, maybe some medication if his throat is really bothering him. Anything from a drug store will do,” he replies, “but above all he has to stop talking for a while. And he really needs to stop yelling.”  
“For how long?”  
“At most, probably a week. If it lasts any longer, than he may want to go to an actual hospital with better equipment than me.”  
“Okay. Thanks, Charlie,” Squee smiles gratefully. Johnny barely manages to grunt as he hops off the table and walks to the door, rubbing his throat.  
“No problem. Have a good day,” he waves as the boys leave.  
“Wow. No talking for a week,” Squee muses, “will you be able to do it?”  
Johnny just shrugs.  
“He won’t,” Shmee comments.  
“Oh, I know,” Squee exclaims. He starts digging around in his bag until he pulls out a cheap pen and a little notebook. “You can write in this to communicate. That should make it easier.”  
Johnny takes the items, flips the notebook open, and scrawls something down. He shows it to Squee.  
‘This fucking sucks.’  
Squee smiles. “It won’t be so bad.”  
Johnny groans and follows the kid out of the building and into the car.  
They’re home in a few minutes. Johnny parks the car on the curb and they hop out. Before Johnny can even make it into his yard, his neighbor, Amanda, yells at him from across the street.  
“Hey, Johnny! You really need to mow your lawn!” she barks, “it’s such an eyesore.”  
Johnny turns and glares at her. He opens his mouth to give her such an earful, but instead lets out a terrible dry cough. Squee freezes at the sound.  
Johnny wipes his mouth and marches into the house, without giving Amanda another glance. She grunts victoriously and goes into her own house.  
Squee stares after Johnny and grips his shirt, a terrible feeling welling up in his chest.

“Johnny has laryngitis?” Tenna exclaims before bursting into laughter. “That’s hilarious.”  
Devi chuckles and pokes Johnny’s cheek. “Maybe this will teach you to stop yelling so much.”  
Johnny snarls. He writes ‘fuck you’ in his notebook, to get his point across. It doesn’t have much effect though.  
“Man, your writing is terrible,” Devi comments, “how can you even read that chicken scratch?”  
The girls get a nice laugh out of Johnny’s situation, until a cold shiver runs down their spines. They turn around and notice Squee glaring at them.  
“It’s not funny,” he grunts.  
“No, no,” Devi says quickly, “it’s not funny that he’s sick. Of course not. But like the uh idea of it is kind of funny. Like you know, the fact that he can’t yell. That’s the funny part.”  
“Right, what she said,” Tenna nods.  
Squee groans and rolls his eyes. “Anyway. I figure the best way to keep Johnny from aggravating his condition is by keeping him from things that make him angry. Driving is definitely one of those things. So until he’s feeling better, Devi, would you be able to drive me to and from Skool? I know it’s a bit of a hassle.”  
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be happy to,” she replies.  
“Thank you,” Squee smiles.  
“What about you?” she asks as she sits next to Johnny. “Do you need any help?”  
Johnny quickly writes in his notepad. ‘You could help me by leaving.’  
“Don’t be silly. Friends stick by their friends when they’re sick,” Tenna says as he sits on his other side. “And you’re much less annoying to be around when you can’t talk.”  
Johnny growls and opens his mouth to say something. But again all that escapes is a croak followed by a dry cough. He covers his mouth until the spell is over then sighs with defeat and rests his chin in his hand.  
“Aw, poor, Nny. So, so sick,” Devi coos.  
“You should drink plenty of water and take some medicine,” Tenna chirps.  
The two of them gently mock Nny’s situation while Squee watches from the kitchen, a sick feeling growing in his gut. He groans and rubs his stomach.  
“Are you okay?” Shmee asks.  
“I don’t know. I feel… weird,” he replies.  
The next day Devi picks Squee up for Skool, like she promised. So she was one of the first few to notice his bad mood, the others being Nny, Shmee, and Nugget.  
Squee’s irritation isn’t physically noticeable. He doesn’t show a sour expression. Instead it’s more like an aura he lets off, that tells those around him not to push his buttons. Nny, Shmee, and Nugget follow the instructions. Devi, however, has a different mindset.  
“How are you doing?” she asks.  
“Fine,” he replies curtly.  
“Did you sleep well?”  
“I guess.”  
Devi squirms uncomfortably. Squee’s not much of a conversationalist but he’s almost never so blunt. At least not with people he’s close to. Something is definitely bothering him.  
“I know you’re worried about Johnny being sick and all,” she says cautiously, “but it will be okay. This is Johnny we’re talking about after all. He can handle a sore throat.”  
Squee doesn’t say anything. Just stares quietly out the window.  
Devi glances at him before sighing. Nothing she says will make him feel better. So the very least she can do is not aggravate him any further.  
They finally reach the Skool. Devi stops the car at the curb and Squee gets out.  
“Have a good day,” she calls.  
“You too,” he mutters as he shuts the door.  
He straightens his bag, sticks his hands in his sweater pockets, and trudges into the Skool, his feet dragging slightly on the pavement.  
The other students aren’t close enough to Squee to understand his mood changes like his family. The only other ones who notice his bad mood are Zim, Dib, Gaz, and Pepito. They’re standing around Zim’s locker and talking. Normally Squee would’ve stopped and talked with them, but instead he just gives them a half-wave and keeps walking.  
“He’s in a bad mood,” Zim deduces.  
“Pepito, what’d you do?” Dib asks accusingly.  
“What makes you think it’s my fault?” he asks, offended.  
“Well, you two are in a new relationship,” Gaz points out.  
“Oh so something happens and you immediately think I did it?”  
“Yeah,” they answer simultaneously.  
“Fair enough,” he shrugs, “but for the record, our relationship is fine. I’m not sure what’s bothering him.”  
“Maybe he woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” Gaz grunts.  
“It’s odd,” Zim mutters, “but I feel a hyuman phrase as juvenile as that one wouldn’t apply to Squee. No, it’s something else.”  
“Whatever it is,” Dib says, “it’s probably better not to get on his nerves. Got that, Pepito?”  
“Why do you keep accusing me?” he snaps.  
The bell rings and everyone heads to class.  
Squee is in a bad mood the entire morning. His work ethic remains the same and none of the teachers or classmates notice, so it’s not really a big deal.  
Still, it leaves Zim, Dib, and Pepito on edge.  
At lunch they meet at their usual table in the cafeteria. Squee is the last to show up. They almost think he’s not going to until he walks through the doors and takes his usual place next to Pepito.  
“Hey, Squee. How was your night?” Pepito asks, “you didn’t answer my text.”  
“Sorry. I was busy,” he replies. His voice is low and slightly apathetic.  
“Is everything okay?”  
Squee groans and rubs his head. “Johnny has laryngitis.”  
“Laryngitis. Ha,” Zim laughs, “a pathetic, hyuman disease. What is it?”  
“An inflammation of your vocal cords,” Dib replies.  
“So he can’t talk?” he scoffs, “that’s ironic. He’s always so loud.”  
“Like you’re one to talk,” Gaz grunts.  
“Although it is kind of funny,” Pepito giggles, “considering how much he’s always yelling.”  
The boys chuckle with agreement. Gaz just rolls her eyes.  
“It’s not funny!” Squee snaps.  
The group freezes and stares at him, surprised. He flinches and looks away.  
“Sorry,” he mutters as he grabs his lunch. “I’m uh I’m gonna eat alone today.” He quickly walks away, his head low.  
“Uh oh,” Zim mutters.  
Dib reaches across the table and swipes at Pepito. “Nice going.”  
“What?” he snaps.  
“But I don’t understand why he’s so upset,” Zim admits, “is it that bad of a disease?”  
“It’s not the disease, stupid,” Gaz grunts.  
“Then what is it?” Dib asks.  
She groans with annoyance and lowers her Game Slave. “Johnny is a major part of Squee’s world. And right now Johnny isn’t himself so a major part of his world is damaged. Get it? Of course he wouldn’t be himself.”  
“Oh, I see,” Zim nods.  
“What can we do to help?” Dib asks.  
“Nothing. Nothing can fix a person’s world when it’s be damaged except for the person or the damaged thing itself,” Gaz replies, “right now all we can do is wait for Johnny to get better and try not to irritate Squee any further.”  
“You got that, Pepito?” Dib asks accusingly.  
He snarls at him.  
Meanwhile Squee walks quickly through the halls, his head low and eyes fixed on the ground.  
“You’ve never snapped like that at anyone but Johnny, Nugget, and myself before,” Shmee comments.  
“I didn’t mean to,” Squee sighs, “it just… came out harsher than I wanted it to.”  
“Eh, they had it coming,” he shrugs, “but it’s kind of interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in this bad of a mood before.”  
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he mutters.  
“Don’t worry about it. Everyone has bad days.”  
After lunch Squee meets up with Zim and the others and apologizes for snapping. They all smile and forgive him, telling him it’s no big deal. He’s grateful for that.  
At the end of the day, Devi drives Squee home. The trip is quiet. He’s still slightly irritated and she doesn’t want to antagonize him.  
She parks the car on the curb and says, “I’ll be here in the morning.”  
“Okay. Thanks, Devi,” Squee mutters. He gets out of the car and walks up to the front door.  
He walks in and sees Johnny lying on the couch with Nugget on his chest.  
“Hey, Nny,” he sighs.  
Johnny looks up at him. He sits up, shoving the cat off of him. She flicks her tail with distaste and lies down on the back of the couch.  
He grabs his notebook and pen and writes something down.  
‘How was your day?’  
“It was alright,” Squee shrugs as he sits down. “What about you? Did you do anything?”  
‘Not really.’  
“Did you eat?”  
‘I had some soup Devi brought over at lunch.’  
“That’s good,” Squee nods approvingly.  
Johnny stares at him for a second before scrawling something out.  
‘You okay?’  
“Fine. Why?” he questions.  
‘Don’t lie. I can tell something is wrong.’  
Squee sighs and looks away as he gently tugs Shmee’s ear. “Well… I told the guys you had laryngitis. And they thought it was so funny. Just like Devi and Tenna, they laughed. They thought it was hilarious that you can’t yell.”  
Johnny scratches his chin before quickly writing down his response.  
‘I’m not saying they’re not a bunch of assholes…’ He turns the page. ‘But is my not being able to yell that much of a bad thing?’  
“Of course it is!” Squee snaps, catching Johnny off guard. “Yelling is what makes you, you. If you can’t yell then you’re not yourself and that’s a bad thing.”  
Johnny feels his heart- or whatever he might have in place of it- swell up a bit. He’s in a bad mood… because he’s worried about me?  
He sighs and plants his hand on Squee’s head. He quickly writes something out with his free hand and drops the notebook onto his lap.  
‘When I’m better, I’ll yell at every single one of them until their ears blow.’  
Squee laughs, and it’s the first time he’s smiled all day. “You don’t have to do that. They didn’t really mean to be rude.”  
Johnny nods as he mouths ‘right, right’.  
About two days pass with no real change in Johnny’s condition. And that means no real change in Squee’s mood. He’s constantly irritable, except for when he’s home with Nny.  
He doesn’t snap at his friends. Of course they’re really careful not to make him do so. It’s actually not that hard to keep from pissing Squee off. All they gotta do is keep the topic off Johnny, which is really quite easy.  
But while Zim, Dib, and Gaz aren’t too bothered by Squee’s behaviour, Pepito is worried. Squee hasn’t wanted to hang out at all and he only replies to his texts with one maybe two words. They hung out more than this before they started dating. This makes Pepito kind of thirsty.  
So after Skool, he decides to drop by his house.  
He drops his bicycle on the lawn as he marches up the front walk. He rings the weird doorbell that sounds like it’s electrocuting something and to his surprise, Devi answers.  
“Oh, hello, Devi,” he smiles.  
“Hi there, Pepito,” she chimes.  
Johnny suddenly appears behind her, poking his head over her shoulder. He glowers at Pepito and points to the road.  
“Hey, Johnny,” he smirks, “heard you weren’t feeling well. Have you gotten any better?”  
Johnny quickly scrawls something down in his notebook and shows it to him.  
‘Leave!’  
“I guess not,” Pepito comments, “although I have to admit, you’re much less annoying when you can’t talk.”  
“Isn’t he?” Devi nods, “why don’t you come in?”  
“Thank you. I will,” he beams as he strides through the doorway.  
Johnny groans and covers his face with his hands as he collapses onto the couch, next to Tenna. She looks like she’s really enjoying herself.  
“Pepito?” Squee questions as he comes out of the hallway.  
“Hey, Squee,” he chirps.  
“What are you doing here?” he asks.  
“I just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out.”  
“Oh, uh I-I don’t know,” Squee mutters, “I don’t really feel like it.”  
“We can just stay here,” Pepito shrugs.  
“Um… well,” he murmurs and stares at the floor.  
A pen suddenly bounces off Pepito’s head. He groans and looks at Johnny, who is glaring daggers at him.  
“Is he always this immature?” he asks.  
“Yes,” Devi nods, “he still manages to throw a temper tantrum without being able to yell.”  
She quickly steps out of the way when he whips the notebook at her head.  
“You know, this is actually the first time I’ve been in your house,” Pepito says as he looks around. “It isn’t so bad with a mute Johnny. Can I see your room?”  
“Um,” Squee mumbles.  
“Don’t worry. I’ll just take a look around and be right out,” he clarifies as he walks deeper into the house. “Or maybe I’ll stick around. This place doesn’t seem half bad.”  
Squee watches Pepito walk towards the kitchen. He’s feeling unsure. He doesn’t really want him to be here, for everyone’s sake. But he doesn’t want to kick him out.  
Johnny feels the anger in his gut boil over as that annoying little douche wanders through his living room. Devi and Tenna aren’t helping. They’re enjoying every second of this.  
He can’t take anymore. He jumps to his feet and opens his mouth.  
“Hold it, you pushy, clingy, little fuck!”  
Everybody freezes and looks at him with wide eyes. He rubs his throat. Other than a slight tickle, there’s no more irritation. And his cough is gone too.  
“I got my voice back,” he mutters. He smirks and glares at Devi and Tenna.  
“Am I loud enough for you, Devi?” he shouts as he marches up to them, his volume going up. “What about you, Tenna? Am I being too loud?”  
Pepito tries to sneak away, but Johnny catches him immediately, grabbing him by the back of his shirt and lifting him at least two feet off the floor.  
“And you,” he snarls, “you pushy, clingy, arrogant, annoying, slimy antichrist bastard!”  
“Nny! You’re all better!” Squee squeals as he suddenly hugs him from the side, a huge, beaming smile on his face.  
Johnny looks down at him with surprise then glares at Pepito. “We’ll finish this later. We’ll have plenty of time for it after all.”  
He tosses him towards the door. He barely manages to steady himself and keep from falling.  
“Now get the fuck out,” he snaps, “all of you. I’m not running a fucking lounge.”  
Pepito quickly scurries away. Tenna and Devi follow close behind, both of them glaring at Johnny as they leave.  
He waits until the door is slammed shut before looking down at Squee. He’s still hugging him, with that big smile on his face. It’s the happiest he’s been all week.  
Johnny smiles and pats his head. Squee looks up at him, his eyes sparkling. He’ll apologize to Pepito tomorrow for what happened. For now, his world is repaired and he just wants to enjoy it.


	15. Battle Battle Footy Kick 2 Tournament

Gaz sets herself on the living room couch. She unloads a dozen cans of Gamer Fuel energy drinks onto the coffee table. She turns on the Amusement Station, plugs in her controller, and puts on her headset as Battle Battle Footy Kick 2 starts loading. She’s ready.  
“Hey, Gaz,” Dib says as he walks in. “What are you doing?”  
She groans, “I’m getting ready for the Battle Battle Footy Kick 2 tournament.”  
“Oh, cool,” he smiles, “can I watch?”  
“Why aren’t you out with Zim?” she asks sceptically.  
“He’s busy,” he replies, “he didn’t wanna hang out today.”  
Gaz growls, “fine, you can watch. But if you screw me up, I will destroy you.”  
“Cool,” Dib chimes and sits next to her.  
“So what kind of game is this?” he asks.  
“It is an open-world fighting game,” she replies, “basically players are set up in a large, space- a city, a forest, a field- and must face off against their opponents. There are hidden power-ups and traps all over the area. Because the space is so wide, one battle can take multiple hours to finish. The tournament is much harder since I’ll be facing actual people online instead of just NPCs.”  
“Players can either choose the fighters supplied to you by the game or create their own avatar. I created my own avatar,” she explains proudly as she shows off her character, Piggy Claw. She’s tall, muscular, armored-up, and dangerous looking.  
“Are there different classes?” Dib asks.  
“Of course. There’s warrior, hunter, and mage. Warriors are stronger and more melee based, hunters are ranged based, and mages revolve more around spells. Mine’s a warrior.”  
“How come you’ve never entered the tournament before?”  
“I wanted to wait until I knew I could win,” Gaz states, “which is now.”  
She scrolls through the online menu until she sees ‘Enter Tournament.’ She hits okay and a loading bar pops up. They wait a few minutes. When the bar is finally full, the screen changes to a large list of names and a booming voice sounds from the speakers.  
“Welcome, players, to the third annual Battle Battle Footy Kick 2 Tournament! Allow me to explain the rules for all newcomers.”  
“The tournament is set up just as the name would suggest. Two players are to face off in a random stage. Last one standing moves up a rung. Whoever makes it to the end is the champion and wins the prize money, along with bragging rights among the gaming community.”  
“However, first we must have a preliminary round. All players face off in a free-for-all round. Last sixteen players alive win and move onto the tournament. Please wait while the round fully loads.”  
A pop-up suddenly appears on screen reading ‘Vampire Hunter requests a private chat.’  
“Vampire Hunter?” Gaz questions then growls, “Iggins.”  
She accepts. A little icon appears in the corner of a speaker with a circle around, indicating a private chat. Iggins voice rings through the speakers.  
“Piggy Claw. Gaz, I presume?”  
“Iggins,” she hisses, “what do you want?”  
“I wasn’t expecting you to actually enter the tournament. I thought you were all talk. After all, you never did it in the past.”  
“I wanted to wait until my character was undefeatable.”  
“Admirable, I admit. I always had respect for you as an opponent,” Iggins says, “as proof, allow me to give you some advice, since I am a veteran in this tournament.”  
“As I’m sure you’ve already figured, the preliminary round is used to wipe out all of the week noobs. I suggest you avoid any personalized avatar and focus on any players who picked an in-game character. That’s an obvious sign of a noob. After which the tournament will consist of mostly veterans or any first timers who actually stand a chance, like yourself.”  
“You’re a strong player. You’ll stand a pretty fair chance against most of these veterans. However, there is one we all live in fear of. Even me.”  
“She is called Ivory Shutin. She has participated in and won every single tournament for the last three years.”  
“Every single one?” Dib exclaims.  
Gaz eyes the list of participants on screen. She quickly spots Ivory Shutin and clicks it. It opens up a profile of the character. She’s a mage dressed in a robe and hood and holding a staff.  
“A mage? She doesn’t look like much,” Gaz comments.  
“Don’t let her looks fool you,” Iggins warns, “her tactics are very defensive and her attacks are unorthodox. And, like I said, she has won every single tournament. She is a legend.”  
“Well, she won’t win this one,” Gaz declares.  
“Confident, huh? That’s good. But unfortunately you won’t get the chance to face her. I’ll be taking you out.”  
“You wish,” she growls.  
A pop-up suddenly appears saying, “the preliminary round is ready. Press A to begin.”  
“Good luck, Piggy Claw,” Iggins says before closing their chat. Gaz growls and presses A.  
The list of participants disappears, to be replaced with a large city. Gaz is standing alone, in the alley way between two buildings. The announcer starts talking again.  
“Let the preliminary round begin!”  
Gaz takes out her weapon- a large, spiked club- and starts moving. She walks carefully and cautiously, looking around at all times, keeping an eye out for enemies.  
She notices one quickly. Gamer tag: Bloody Sword. An intimidating name, maybe, but it’s obvious by their use of an in-game character that they are a noob.  
Gaz strikes quickly. The player doesn’t even see her coming before they’re beaten in two hits by her club.  
“Wow!” Dib exclaims.  
Gaz smirks and moves on.  
The preliminary round goes on for about an hour. Gaz finds quite a few noobs and quickly wipes them out. She runs into one or two veterans but they show no interest in her. They’re only looking for noobs as well.  
A bell suddenly rings and the announcer starts speaking again.  
“The preliminary is over! Sixteen players are left standing. Now begins the tournament.”  
The city suddenly disappears and is replaced by the roster again. The list is considerably shorter this time. Gaz immediately notices Vampire Hunter and Ivory Shutin amongst the other gamer tags.  
“The pairings will be randomized,” the announcer explains, “each battle will happen simultaneously so as not to take too much time and also for players to not give away their secrets to their opponents. Please wait while the battles are decided.”  
The names are suddenly mixed up before landing side by side, depending on who’s battling who. Piggy Claw is in the third row battling someone named Blackened Soul. Vampire Hunter is in the first row battling Rage Monster. Ivory Shutin is sixth row battling Psycho Killer. That means Gaz only has to win one two fights to go up against Iggins, and three to go up against Ivory Shutin.  
“This is gonna be easy,” she smirks.  
“Let the tournament begin.”  
Piggy Claw suddenly appears in a large, forested area. She looks around cautiously before she starts moving.  
She ducks behind trees and peeks around carefully before moving on. She has to be careful. She can’t let Blackened Soul get the drop on her. She’d like a sneak attack but going against him on equal ground would fine too.  
Nothing happens for about half an hour. Then Piggy Claw is suddenly hit by an arrow.  
“Shit,” Gaz snarls and rolls behind a tree. She peeks around it and searches for the hunter. When she sees nothing, she runs out of safety before ducking behind another tree. She notices something roll across. She smirks and races towards.  
“Hunter verses warrior seems like an unfair battle,” Dib observes, “the warrior is at a complete disadvantage since the hunter uses ranged weapons.”  
“Yes, but the ranged weapons only work from a certain distance,” Gaz explains, “so the hunter is at a complete disadvantage when the warrior gets him in her range.”  
Piggy Claw suddenly jumps out right behind Blackened Soul. He spins around and tries to load his bow, but fails. Gaz swings her club and hits him hard, dealing quite a bit of damage. Blackened Soul tries to retreat, but Gaz doesn’t let him. She stays on him and beats him hard.  
Blackened Soul produces a potion and heals up. Then he suddenly takes out a bomb. Gaz curses and jumps back to avoid the blast, letting Blackened Soul go in the process. He disappears into the trees, out of Gaz’s range.  
“He’s good,” Gaz growls.  
“Can you beat him?” Dib asks.  
“Of course.”  
She opens her inventory and takes out an invisibility potion. She drinks it and turns invisible, as the name would suggest.  
“Isn’t that kinda cheating?” he asks.  
“A true warrior uses everything at her disposal,” Gaz argues, “besides if it was, it would be against the rules to use it. And it’s not.”  
She moves slowly around the trees, keeping an eye out for the hunter. She spots him squatting behind a tree and sneaks up on him.  
He suddenly spins around and fires an arrow. She exclaims and barely dodges it.  
“He has a tracking ability!” she shouts, “not bad.”  
She drops her invisibility and charges him. He jumps back and keeps firing his arrows. She dodges them and uses a speed boost. She quickly catches up and hits him hard. He rolls to the right and produces a dagger, stabbing her with it. The blade had a freezing enchantment on it. She stops in her tracks.  
“Shit,” she hisses and mashes the buttons.  
Blackened Soul jumps back a few feet then loads an arrow and fires. It hits Piggy Claw, dealing a lot of damage but also breaking the freezing spell. She drinks a healing potion and charges him.  
“I just gotta hit him once,” she mutters, “just once.”  
He jumps back, not letting her out of his range. She goes into her inventory and pulls out a bomb. She throws it at him. He dodges to the right to avoid the blast. She anticipates this and meets him there, right in her range.  
She hits him, dealing just enough damage to kill him. He hits the ground and ‘Winner’ appears on screen, in big, bold letters.  
“Good job,” Dib smiles.  
Gaz sighs, opens a can of Gamer Fuel, and chugs it all in three gulps. She sits back and smiles.  
“Like I said: easy.”  
The player roster opens up again. Now there are only eight names. Vampire Hunter and Ivory Shutin are still in the running.  
“Congratulations to the victors!” the announcer cheers, “the second round will begin momentarily.”  
The tournament graph appears again. Gaz is going up against someone named Risky Fitting.  
“Some of these names are… really odd,” Dib comments.  
“Let round two begin!”  
Piggy Claw appears in a swamp, surrounded by large, dirty lakes and trees. She takes a quick survey of her area before ducking behind some cover.   
She moves quickly but cautiously. She can’t get sneak attacked like last time. It’s too risky. And such an amateur mistake.  
Things are quiet for about ten minutes. Then she glances behind her and sees him: Risky Fitting holding a huge sword, ready to hit her with it.  
Gaz rolls out of the way just in time. She swings her club but he dodges.  
“He’s a warrior,” Gaz observes, “this is gonna be a little hard.”  
The battle lasts much longer than her last did. Their defensive and offensive tactics are similar. They want to beat their opponent but they don’t want to get hit. It’s like watching two cats circle each other in an alley.  
But strategy is clearly at work. Every attack they make, successful or not, has meaning. They test their opponent, checking what they can and can’t handle. Dib can’t help but be amazed at the spectacle before him. It may just be a video game, but it’s being played so tactfully.  
“This has gone on long enough,” Gaz growls, “I’m taking him out.”  
She begins button mashing, but not at random. She knows exactly what buttons she’s pushing and how many times she’s pushing them.  
She opens her inventory and grabs a scroll labeled ‘Speed’. She opens the scroll, giving herself a speed boost. She does three rolls around Risky Fitting until she’s behind him. He tries to turn but she strikes faster, hitting him hard.  
Before he can react, she races around to his back again and hits him a second time. She can’t help but smirk when he hits the ground. She can almost hear the player screaming with frustration.  
But he’s not dead yet and her speed boost just wore off.  
He jumps to his feet and swings at her. Gaz jumps back and dodges. She goes into her inventory again and takes out a bomb. She throws it at him. He dodges the explosion and races towards her. Gaz growls when she notices the state of his health bar. He used a healing potion.  
“Gotta use my secret technique,” she mutters.  
She mashes a series of buttons. Piggy Claw lifts her club to the sky and it suddenly multiplies into a dozen clubs. They circle Risky Fitting before hitting him all at once. He couldn’t dodge even if he wanted to.  
Gaz giggles victoriously when ‘Winner’ appears on screen.  
“Wow! That was so cool!” Dib cheers.  
“This tournament is in the bag,” Gaz smirks.  
“Congratulations, victors!” the announcer cheers as the roster appears again. Now there are only four players. “The semi-finals are next. And after that, the final battle. Prepare yourselves. This is where things get hard.  
Gaz stares at the tournament graph, particularly who she’s battling next. A pop-up suddenly appears reading, “Vampire Piggy requests a private chat.” She accepts.  
“The semi-finals,” he says, “seems fitting, no?”  
“Indeed,” Gaz smirks, “this will decide once and for all who between is the ultimate gamer.”  
“Yes. As well as who is worthy enough to go up against Ivory Shutin. Unfortunately for you, the answer to both is me.”  
“I am going to crush that confidence with my bat!” Gaz snaps.  
“Bring it, scrub!” Iggins barks.  
The chat is closed as the announcer shouts, “let the semi-finals begin!”  
Piggy Claw appears in a city. She immediately ducks in the shadows of a building. She stays perfectly still for a minute before moving. She doesn’t want to admit it, but Iggins will definitely be harder than her last two battles. She has to be careful. She cannot let that little bug-eyed creep beat her.  
She moves cautiously, rolling between shadows and jogging around buildings. She makes extra sure to check all of her blind spots. That little runt will not get the drop on her.  
She sees it when she’s circling the camera around her character: an arrow flying from the right.  
Gaz acts quickly and immediately rolls out of the way, just barely dodging it. She ducks behind a building and looks in the direction the arrow came from. She doesn’t see anything.  
Piggy Claw is suddenly struck with an arrow in the shoulder. Gaz curses and rolls away. She downs a healing potion and looks around.  
“Little troll must have a speed effect or something,” she hisses, “an invisibility potion would be a bad idea. He probably has a tracking ability. I’ll try this instead.”  
She opens her inventory and goes to a scroll labeled ‘clones’. She selects in and suddenly four different Piggy Claws appear. They move off in different directions. Gaz only had control of one. She moves subtly while keeping an eye out for her opponent.  
“Look!” Dib exclaims as he points at the TV screen, or more specifically at the top of a building on the TV screen.  
“I see him,” Gaz growls. She rolls to the side of the building and climbs a nearby ladder. Before she reaches the top, she notices a bomb planted on the wall. She activates and jumps onto the roof before it goes off. The explosion makes for a nice effect when she meets Vampire Hunter.  
Gaz attacks immediately, swinging her club right at his head. He dodges and pulls out a dagger. He tries to slice her with it but she rolls out of the way, landing on his left. She grabs a bomb and throws it at him. He jumps back to dodge and then to the right to make sure he doesn’t fall off the roof.  
Gaz rushes him and swings her club. He ducks and attacks her with his knife. She sidesteps him and swings again. He rolls forward and produces a bomb. He throws it at her. She jumps out of the way. It falls over the edge and blows up harmlessly on the ground below.  
“You guys are like evenly matched,” Dib comments.  
Gaz growls. She does the code for her secret technique, producing a dozen clubs. It’s clear Iggins isn’t ready for it when they all strike them. Gaz smirks. But he’s not dead yet. As soon as the other clubs had disappeared, she charges him. Before she can reach him though, Piggy Claw suddenly freezes. Gaz curses when she realizes she just ran into a freezing trap.  
Vampire Hunter jumps back until he’s at the very edge of the roof, just far enough in range for him to use his bow. He loads an arrow and shoots it at Piggy Claw. Gaz can only watch as she’s struck with it. It’s not enough to kill her but it does deal a lot of damage.  
“Shit,” she hisses, “I only have one more healing potion. I can’t use it now. I have to save it for Ivory Shutin. I have to finish this quickly.”  
With the freezing trap dispelled, Piggy Claw immediately rolls out of the way before she can be hit with another arrow. She charges Vampire Hunter and swings her club. He dodges it and throws a bomb. She hops back and dodges the blast. As soon as it’s no longer a threat, she charges him again. He tries to dodge, but stops when he realizes he’s right on the edge.  
Gaz smirks and swings her club. She hits him in the side, dealing quite a bit of damage and sending him flying off the edge.  
The fall will be enough to kill him, but he’s not done yet. Vampire Hunter loads an arrow and fires it. Gaz doesn’t see it coming and it hits Piggy Claw in the leg, causing her to fall over the edge too.  
“No!” Gaz snaps. She rapidly opens her inventory and selects a levitation scroll. Piggy Claw immediately starts floating just over the ground, right next to Vampire Hunter’s corpse.  
Gaz smirks as ‘Winner’ appears on screen.  
“Congratulations, victors!” the announcer cheers, “now is the moment we’ve all been waiting for: the final battle!”  
“Good job,” Dib smiles.  
Gaz chuckles when ‘Vampire Piggy requests a private chat’ appears on screen. She accepts.  
“A levitation scroll? What sort of cheap trick is that?”  
“A true warrior and gamer uses everything at her disposal,” Gaz says, “don’t blame me just because you didn’t have the foresight to buy one.”  
“Very well, you beat me,” Iggins sighs, “but don’t think you’ll be able to beat Ivory Shutin. You’re good, but not that good.”  
“Just watch me. I’ll be the new champion of this tournament. You’ll see,” she smirks.   
The chat closes as the announcer says, “let the final battle begin!”  
Piggy Claw appears in a large empty field filled with nothing but grass. It’s dark and ominous. A perfect scene for a final battle.  
“Alright, Ivory Shutin,” Gaz growls, “show me what you got.”  
Unlike the other battles, it doesn’t take her opponent very long to show up. The second Gaz turns around, she’s immediately face to face with Ivory Shutin. Gaz isn’t expecting it and she quickly jumps back, anticipating an attack. But she does nothing.  
“What is she doing?” Gaz asks.  
“I think she wants you to make the first move,” Dib replies.  
“She’s testing me!” Gaz snaps.  
Piggy Claw charges her and swings her club. Ivory Shutin doesn’t move to dodge. Instead she lets herself get hit. She loses about a quarter of her health.  
“What’s her game?” Dib questions.  
Ivory Shutin suddenly shoots a spell right at Piggy Claw. Gaz exclaims and rolls out of the way, just barely dodging it, but another one is there to meet her. It hits her hard, dealing quite a bit of damage.  
Gaz growls and charges Ivory Shutin again. She swings and once again, Shutin make no move to dodge. But instead of hitting her, Piggy Claw hits a barrier instead.   
Ivory Shutin fires another spell, hitting Piggy Claw a second time. Gaz curses and quickly drinks her last healing potion. She immediately charges the mage for a third time, swinging quickly and violently. All she hits is the barrier, but if she beats it enough, it’ll break down.   
Shutin fires another spell. This time Gaz is prepared for it and dodges. She quickly does the code for her secret technique, summoning her clubs. They attack Ivory Shutin but only hit the barrier. Fortunately the force breaks it.  
Gaz smirks and rushes her. She swings her club but Ivory Shutin dodges it and fires a spell. Piggy Claw jumps out of the way and tries to attack again. Shutin doesn’t dodge but the club goes right through her, not dealing any damage. She suddenly disappears and reappears behind Piggy Claw.  
“A teleportation spell!” Gaz snaps.  
She tries to roll out of the way before Shutin can fire another spell. But this time her attack is different. Inside of just a beam, she unleashes a huge wall of magic. Piggy Claw has no hope to dodge.  
It hits hard and deals a lot of damage. She only has a little bit of health left.  
“She’s too strong,” Gaz sighs, “I can’t win. But I can at least take her with me!”  
Piggy Claw charges Ivory Shutin, producing a bomb along the way. She detonates it without throwing it, so they both get caught in the blast. It kills Piggy Claw instantly. But instead of ‘Tie’ appearing on screen, ‘Loser’ does instead.  
The last thing Gaz sees before the screen fades to black is Ivory Shutin standing before her body with less than a quarter of health left.  
“Congratulations, Ivory Shutin!” the announcer cheers, “you are the winner of the Battle Battle Footy Kick 2 tournament!”  
Gaz stares with disbelief as Ivory Shutin appears on screen under the word ‘Champion.’  
“You lost,” Dib mutters then immediately regrets. He covers his head, thinking Gaz is going to lash out. But she doesn’t. She just keeps staring at the TV.  
“Gaz?” he questions.  
“She beat me,” Gaz breathes, “she beat me. I should be angry but I’m not. I’ve never battled anyone like her. She was so… psychological.”  
“I have to meet her.”  
“What?” Dib questions.  
“Dib!” she snaps, “this was an online tournament. Could you find out where Ivory Shutin lives with the information it supplies you?”  
“Well, sure. It should be easy enough for me to find her IP address or something,” he shrugs.  
“Then do it. Right now!” she demands, “I need to meet her.”  
“Alright, alright,” he says quickly and runs to get his laptop.  
Gaz leans back in the couch and stares at the TV screen. She just stares and watches Ivory Shutin doing her looped battle stance.  
Gaz has no idea where she lives, what she looks like, or how she acts. But she absolutely has to find out.


	16. The Labyrinth

“Alright, let’s buy what we need and get the hell out of here,” Johnny growls as he walks through the automatic doors.  
“Whatever you say, Nny,” Squee says as he follows close behind.  
Usually, Squee does all the shopping at a convenience store a few blocks from their house. But whenever they need something heavy, like milk or other things that Squee would have trouble carrying, then Johnny drives them to the South Superstore and they do the shopping together. Johnny kinda hates it, but as long as he’s with Squee than it’s tolerable.  
They wander around the grocery section. Squee throws milk, cereal, juice, and other food stuffs into the cart. Just the usual stuff they always have in the house. But once they reach the produce, he draws to a stop and stares at the fruit.  
“We should get some fruit,” he says, “we don’t eat enough healthy things. Especially you. Would you eat it for breakfast if I got some?”  
“Maybe,” Johnny shrugs.  
Squee glares at him.  
“What? Oh, come on. Fruit’s not even that fun to eat,” he whines.  
“Fruit can be totally fun,” Squee argues and picks up an odd red, spiky looking thing. “Look at this. It’s a dragon fruit. A dragon fruit, Nny! How is that not awesome?”  
“It’s pretty awesome,” he nods.  
“Right? I’ll get us two,” he says as he puts two in a plastic bag. “And some oranges also.”  
Once they’re done with the fruit, they start to head to the frozen goods, but stop when they hear someone shout, “Squee!”  
They turn around to a teenage girl, about Squee’s age, with brown pigtails and green eyes. Squee smiles when he recognizes her. “Carmen. Hey.”  
She smiles back, “it’s good to see you.”  
“Johnny, you remember Carmen, right?” Squee asks, “she was one of the kids that escaped the Underground Classrooms with me. Remember?”  
Johnny rubs his head as he thinks really hard. “I remember the classrooms. I don’t remember her.”  
Carmen cocks her head and Squee sighs. “Don’t mind him. So what are you doing here?”  
“I moved here. Er, I mean not to the store,” she says quickly, “I moved to the South End with my dad. He was pretty tight on money when I found him and when he took me back in we couldn’t afford to stay in the North End. I don’t mind though. It’s like a whole new start, you know?”  
“That is why most people move to the South End,” Squee nods.  
“I was going to call you but I’ve been so busy with the move and going back to school. It’s been so exhausting,” she groans.  
“How long have you been here?” he asks.  
“About a week,” she replies, “our apartment is finally set up. We were just getting some shopping done.”  
“Well, I’ve lived here my whole life- er, the South End, not the store,” Squee says, “so if you need any help, just let me know.”  
“Actually, I don’t really know my way around that well,” she sighs, “I barely know how to get to my school. So could you maybe show me around a bit?”  
“Yeah,” he smiles, “um do you mind if I bring some others along?”  
“Not at all. I really need to make some new friends.”  
“Then Pepito can come too. Oh, and Colton.”  
“Colton?” she questions.  
“He’s a new friend of mine. He’s really cool,” he beams.  
“That’s debatable,” Shmee comments, “by the way, Johnny’s gone.”  
“What?” Squee exclaims and spins around. The cart is still here, but Johnny is nowhere to be seen.  
“What’s wrong?” Carmen asks.  
“Johnny’s gone,” he replies, “unbelievable. I need to get him like a leash or something.”  
“This happens a lot?”  
“You have no idea,” he smiles wearily, “um, but we can hang out later today if you want.”  
“Yeah. How about you guys meet me at my place at like noon?” she suggests.  
“Sure. Here, write down your address,” he says as he hands her a pen and piece of paper.  
“Okay.” She quickly scribbles it down and hands it back to him.  
“Thanks. Alright, see you later,” he waves before quickly walking away.  
“See you,” she calls back.  
Squee quickly hurries through the store with the cart and looks around for Johnny. He finally finds him on the other side of the store in the electronics. He appears to be looking at a pair of expensive walkie-talkies.  
“Johnny,” Squee growls.  
“Oh, hey, Squee,” Johnny says.  
“What have I told you about wandering off like that?” he snaps.   
Johnny considers the question. “Not to?”  
“Yes, for crying out loud,” Squee groans.  
“Are we done shopping now?” he asks.  
“Yeah,” he sighs.  
“Good. Let’s go,” he demands as he takes the cart and walks off. “I’m buying these walkie-talkies.”  
“What? Why?” Squee asks.  
“Because,” Johnny replies.  
Squee just sighs and follows him.  
Meanwhile, on the other side of the city, Gaz is a girl with a mission. She marches down the street, a piece of paper held tightly in her fist.  
The day before, she participated in the Battle Battle Footy Kick 2 tournament and lost to a player called Ivory Shutin. Instead of getting angry, like she usually would, she felt determined to meet this person. So she got Dib to trace her IP address. It’s quite coincidental and serendipitous that she happens to live in the city, only a few minutes away.  
What is she going to do when she meets this person? She’s not sure. She’s not even sure of what to expect. But the way they fought was so… unique. She just has to see them.  
It doesn’t take her long to reach the house. It’s a small but nice place with a decorated front yard. It’s clearly a family home.  
Gaz double checks the address written on the paper before walking up to the front door.  
She rings the doorbell. A few seconds later a middle aged woman answers. She looks at Gaz curiously.  
“Uh, hello,” Gaz says, “I’m looking for someone. Um, their gamer tag is Ivory Shutin…?”  
“Who are you?” the woman asks.  
“My name is Gaz,” she replies, “I participated in a gamer tournament and Ivory Shutin beat me. I wanted to meet them in person.”  
The woman stares at her for a second before turning away. “Wait here,” she orders as she walks into the house.  
She comes back a few minutes later, accompanied by a girl not much older than Gaz. She has long, messy black hair that hangs over her face. Her glasses are just barely visible behind her thick bangs. She’s very pale and is wearing plain pants and a thick sweater. She looks at Gaz curiously.  
“Are you Ivory Shutin?” Gaz asks. The girl nods. “My name is Gaz. Oh, but you know me as Piggy Claw. You beat me in the tournament yesterday. I just wanted to meet you in person.”  
“How did you find my daughter?” the woman asks accusingly.  
“Mom, it’s fine,” the girl says, “she can come in.”  
“Alright, but let me know if something goes wrong,” the woman demands before walking away.  
“Gaz, right?” the girl questions. Gaz nods. Her voice is quiet and meek. “I’m Madeleine. What did you want to see me about?”  
“I’m not really sure,” Gaz replies.  
Madeleine stares at her for a second before nodding. “Come in. We can talk in my room.”  
“Thank you,” Gaz says quickly before following her into the house.  
Meanwhile, Squee, Colton, and Pepito are walking through the streets, looking around for Carmen’s address. It’s been over a week since Colton and Squee became ‘bros’. Squee introduced him to Pepito not long ago. They get along well enough to hang out.  
“So this Carmen… is she hot?” Colton asks.  
“I don’t know. What qualifies a person as hot?” Squee asks.  
“The way their face looks, their hair, boob size,” he replies, “Pepito, what do you think?”  
“I think she’s cute,” he says, “so she probably won’t go for you.”  
“What? You don’t know that,” Colton growls, “she might.”  
They make it to Carmen’s apartment building. She’s sitting on the front steps. She smiles and stands up when she spots the boys.  
“Squee, Pepito,” she chimes.  
“Hey, Carmen,” Pepito smiles, “you look good.”  
“Thanks, you too. I like your beanie,” she smiles back then looks at Colton. “You’re Colton, right?”  
“Uh, yeah,” he smiles, “it’s nice to meet you.”  
“You too.”  
“So where should we go?” Squee asks.  
“We should go downtown,” Pepito suggests, “nothing better to show to a newcomer than downtown South End.”  
“But there are always a lot of people around there,” Squee groans.  
“Aw, you’ll be fine as long as you’re with us, right?” Pepito smiles.  
“You two are so cute,” Carmen coos.  
“I know, right?” Pepito smirks.  
Downtown South End is full of different shops, clubs, and bars. There’s always something going on, whether it’s fun and legal or… not. It’s always glowing with colourful lights and loud from the chatter of civilians, most of whom aren’t sober.  
Pepito likes it here. He loves watching all the people and listening to the pounding music from the clubs. Colton likes it too. There are all kinds of cool shops. Squee doesn’t like it. He would rather stay as far away from here as possible.  
“Let’s go to the Orc’s Nest,” Colton exclaims excitedly.  
“No, don’t make Carmen go in there,” Pepito groans.  
“Why, what is it?” she asks.  
“Freaking nerd heaven,” he replies, “we should go to Lemon Yellow.”  
“Lemon Yellow? That place is full of pretentious, wannabe hipsters,” Colton scoffs.  
“What are these names?” Carmen questions.  
“Orc’s Nest is a comic book store and Lemon Yellow is a clothing store,” Squee replies, “you should decide where we go based on first impressions. You’re the one who wants to see the sights or whatever.”  
“Yeah, I guess that makes sense,” Pepito nods.  
“Okay,” Carmen smiles and looks around. “What’s that place?” She points at a large building with bright lights streaming through the windows.  
“A club,” Squee replies, “minors aren’t allowed in there.”  
“Hm,” she muses, “what about that?”  
“That’s a café. We can go in there.”  
“Yeah, but why would we want to,” Colton scoffs, “nothing but self-important snobs in there.”  
“Okay, we can’t just shoot a place down because of the regulars that go there,” Squee says, “we’re supposed to show Carmen around, not tell her about all the terrible people that live here.”  
“Right, right,” Pepito nods, “how about we pick a random place and just go in?”  
“That sounds good,” Carmen smiles.  
Pepito stands in front of the group, closes his eyes, and spins around with his finger out. He stops and points at a random business.  
“Always Teen?” Carmen questions.  
“A clothing store,” Colton says.  
“Let’s go in,” Squee shrugs.  
The group walks through the door and looks around. It’s full of designer, over-priced clothes aimed towards teenagers. The customers are all people about their age. They’re all dressed the same and have near the same hairstyle.  
“I think this is where clones are created,” Squee comments.  
“I can practically feel my individuality being drained,” Pepito says.  
“Let’s go somewhere else,” Colton begs, “I go to school with some of these people.”  
“Aw, come on, guys,” Carmen smiles, “we promised we’d go into a random store. Let’s at least look at some of the clothes.”   
“Fine,” the boys groan and follow her deeper into the store.  
They examine the racks with no real interest. The clothes aren’t their style plus they are way too expensive. Even for a South End store.  
“Is this really considered fashionable?” Squee asks, “why would someone buy jeans with holes in them? I could put holes in my jeans for free.”  
“It’s supposed to give a rebellious look,” Carmen replies, “lots of people are into that thing.”  
“Lame,” Pepito groans, “let’s go get food.”  
“Yeah, that sounds good,” Colton says and quickly leaves. The others follow close behind.  
They walk around for a bit before deciding on a café that’s mostly empty. They sit down at a small table and order drinks and sandwiches. Carmen laughs when Squee and Colton both stutter while ordering.  
“It’s not funny,” Colton pouts.  
“Sorry, sorry,” she says, “I didn’t mean to laugh. It just slipped out.”  
They both glare at her. She just keeps laughing.  
After they eat they continue to wander around. They don’t go into any of the stores. They just walk along the street, talking and enjoying each other’s company. Eventually they stop paying attention to where they’re going.  
“We’ve kind of wandered away from Main Street,” Squee says as he looks around.  
“Eh, it was boring there anyway,” Pepito shrugs.  
“Hey, look at that empty lot,” Colton says. They stop and stare at the little empty space between two apartment buildings. It looks so out of place and random. They cock their heads and sigh.  
“Isn’t it weird how things can just disappear in this city?” Carmen asks, “even buildings go away without a trace.”  
“I don’t even remember what used to be here,” Squee says, “it must’ve been an apartment building, right?”  
“Why do you think it was taken down?” Colton asks.  
“Safety reasons maybe,” Pepito replies as he walks onto the lot.  
“It’s so eerie,” Squee comments as they follow him aimlessly.  
“I like it,” Carmen smiles, “it’s kind of calming.”  
They all wince at a loud cracking sound.  
“The feelings gone,” she mutters.  
“What was that?” Colton asks.  
They start to step back to the road when they hear it again. They freeze and everything seems to stand still for a second.  
Then the ground collapses beneath their feet.  
They scream as they plummet through a deep, dark hole. They land hard on dirt and groan in pain.  
“Ugh, what the hell just happened?” Pepito asks.  
“The ground gave out beneath us,” Squee replies, “they should’ve put up a sign or something for that.”  
“Where are we?” Carmen asks.  
They stand up, rubbing their sore bruises, and looks around. They’re in some kind of large, dark tunnel. The only lighting is coming from the huge hole high above them.  
“Didn’t we already do a trapped underground bit?” Pepito asks.  
“We’re not exactly trapped,” Carmen argues, “the way out is right above us. We just gotta, you know, fly.”  
“Stranger things have happened,” Squee shrugs.  
“I haven’t been trapped underground before,” Colton says.  
“Yeah, that’s right,” Squee nods.  
“Well, then welcome to the club,” Pepito smirks, “we’re old pros at this kind of thing.”  
“We should probably get somebody to come help us,” Carmen suggests.  
“Yeah, alright,” he nods and takes out his phone. “I’ll call Zim.”  
“I don’t know if he’ll pick up,” Squee says, “Dib mentioned something about today being their ‘date night’.”  
“Oh, you know what that means,” Colton sings, “interspecies make-out session.”  
“You know, Zim’s tongue is kind of serpentine,” Pepito comments, “I wonder how that feels.”  
“Serpentine? What, like a snake tongue?” Carmen asks.  
“More like a tentacle,” Squee says.  
“Ew, isn’t that like borderline tentacle rape?”  
“It’s not really rape if it’s consensual,” Colton points out.  
“Okay, we are getting way off topic,” Squee says quickly, “call Zim. I’m gonna try calling Johnny.”  
They hit the speed dials on their phones and hold them up to their ears. As expected, Zim doesn’t answer. He’s too busy having an interspecies make-out session with Dib. Unfortunately, Johnny doesn’t answer either.  
“He must be downstairs,” Squee sighs.  
“Now what?” Colton asks.  
“I’m gonna try Gaz,” Pepito says, “she could at least get Zim.”  
He calls her and she picks up. But before he can even get a word in she says, “can’t talk. Doing something important,” then hangs up.  
“I think we need some new friends,” Pepito groans.  
“Squee, can’t you call Devi or Tenna?” Colton asks.  
“Mmm,” Squee groans uncertainly, “they’re both working. I don’t wanna bother them unless we’re in some actual, life threatening danger.”  
“Being trapped underground isn’t life threatening danger?” Pepito asks.  
“Like you said, we’re old pros at this,” Squee smiles, “these kinds of tunnels are all over underneath the city. It’s like a whole labyrinth. And there are entrances everywhere. There’s even one in my house.”  
“Are you suggesting we look for one?” Carmen asks.  
“What if we get even more lost?” Colton warns, “we could end up trapped down we forever.”  
“That won’t happen,” Pepito scoffs, “I think Squee’s right. Looking for a way out would be better than just sitting around doing nothing.”  
“Alright,” Carmen shrugs, “so which way should we go?”  
“This way,” Squee says immediately as he points to the right.  
“Why that way?” Colton asks.  
“I have a good feeling about it.”  
The kids shrug and they walk into the dark tunnel, having no idea where they’re going.  
Back on the North End, Gaz follows Madeleine into her bedroom. It’s pretty dark because the shades are closed. Madeleine turns on the light. Her room is actually pretty full. It’s got a messy bed, a beanbag chair, an electronic keyboard piano, and a large TV hooked up to an Amusement Station and a Z-Hexahedron. Next to it are three DVD stands full of video games.  
“Cool,” Gaz breathes.  
“Sit wherever you like,” Madeleine says as she sits on the bed. Gaz takes her place on the beanbag.  
There’s an awkward silence in the air before Gaz clears her throat.  
“So, Ivory Shutin; Madeleine,” she says, “you’re really good. You must play a lot.”  
“Yeah,” she nods.  
“You’re pretty feared during the tournament. I heard about you beforehand from this guy I know, Iggins.”  
“Iggins?”  
“His gamer tag is Vampire Hunter.”  
“Oh, yeah. I remember him. I battled him a couple times. He was pretty good.”  
“I beat him,” Gaz says proudly.  
“Yes. You’re a good player too.”  
“Not good enough to beat you.”  
Madeleine doesn’t reply.  
“How did you get to be so good?”  
“I play a lot.”  
“So do I. I even trained my avatar for the sole purpose of beating that tournament. And I still lost,” Gaz points out.  
“I don’t understand. Are you here for pointers?” Madeleine asks.  
“I’m not really sure. Maybe? It’s just… your fighting style was so unique. I’ve never fought someone like you before. It was affecting me on a psychological level. I just felt like I needed to meet you.”   
Gaz stares at her for a few seconds. Her hair is covering so much of her face she can’t tell where she’s looking. Is she staring at the floor, or at Gaz?  
Her cell phone suddenly starts ringing. She checks the caller ID. It’s Pepito. She answers and says, “can’t talk. Doing something important,” then hangs up.  
She sits next to Madeleine on the bed. She looks at her with surprise.  
“Where do you go to school?” Gaz asks.  
“Uh the High Skool,” she replies.  
“Really? Me too. How come I’ve never seen you there before?”  
“I-I don’t know.”  
“What grade are you in?”  
“Ninth.”  
“Same as my brother,” Gaz comments, “you play piano. How long have you done that?”  
“A few years.”  
“Are you good?”  
“Uh I like to think so.”  
“Would you play for me?”  
“Um n-no…?”  
“Why do you sound uncertain?”  
“Wh-why are you asking me so many questions?” she asks nervously  
“I wanna get to know you,” Gaz replies, “I want us to be friends.”  
“Why?”  
“Don’t know. Because I find you interesting maybe?”  
“But we don’t even know each other,” Madeleine points out.  
“That’s why I’m asking you so many questions,” Gaz says, “why don’t you ask me some.”  
“Uh, o-okay,” she nods, “uh what’s your favourite game?”  
“Vampire Piggy Hunter,” she replies, “what about you?”  
“Land of Taria.”  
“That’s a good game.”  
“I-I really like the art and music,” she says, “um do you like music?”  
“A little bit. I like rock.”   
“Me-me too.”  
“Can I call you Maddie?” Gaz asks.  
“Wh-Why?” Madeleine asks.  
“Madeleine seems kind of hard to say all the time. And it’s hard to type,” she replies.  
“Type?”  
“Never mind. Just can I?”  
“Uh, um, okay,” Maddie nods.  
“Cool,” Gaz smiles, “so at Skool, where do you usually eat? I’ve never seen you in the cafeteria.”  
“Um, the boiler room,” she replies.  
“Isn’t that where all the losers hang out?”  
“Um…”  
“Whatever,” Gaz grunts and stands up, “tomorrow you should come to the cafeteria and eat with my friends and me.”  
“Your friends?” Maddie questions.  
“Yeah. They’re a bunch of idiots but they’re not so bad,” she shrugs, “anyway, I think I’ve bothered you enough. I’ll leave you alone now. Thank you for meeting me. I can let myself out. See you tomorrow.”  
“B-Bye,” Maddie waves as Gaz leaves.  
A few minutes later, Maddie’s mom walks in.  
“Who was that girl?” she asks, “was she rude to you?”  
“No,” Maddie replies and she opens the drawer on her nightstand. “She was nice.”  
“What are you doing?”  
“Looking for this,” she says as she grabs her Game Slave 3 and Vampire Piggy Hunter game. “It’s been a long time since I played it.”  
Her mom sighs and leaves. Maddie turns on the game and smiles.  
Meanwhile, Squee, Pepito, Colton, and Carmen have spent a long time walking through the dark, seemingly endless tunnels. They’re not sure how long they’ve been down there. Minutes? Hours? Days maybe? Okay, probably not days, but it has been a long time.  
Pepito is walking up front with a flashlight. Squee is right behind him, using a marker to mark the walls, so they can be sure they’re not going in circles.  
Whenever they come to an intersection they always go by Squee’s instincts. He’s not really sure where they’re going, but they have nothing else to rely on.  
They haven’t run into any other living creature. Not even rats. It’s completely lifeless down here.  
“Guys,” Carmen mutters, “I don’t wanna be negative here, but what will we do if we can’t find our way out?”  
“We will,” Squee states.  
“How can you be sure?”  
“Because I don’t sense any danger.”  
“What?”  
“I don’t know how to explain it,” Squee says, “but I just feel like we’re safe right now. So we’ll probably find a way out eventually.”  
“Probably? Eventually?” Carmen questions.  
“Being negative will get us nowhere,” Colton points out, “Squee knows what he’s doing.”   
“I know,” Carmen sighs, “I just don’t want another Underground Classrooms situation to happen to us.”  
“It won’t. We’ll be fine,” Pepito says.  
The tunnel starts curving right up ahead. They follow it and continue walking, when Squee suddenly stops and looks at the wall.  
“Wait a minute. We’ve been here before!” he exclaims.  
“What?” the others shout.  
“Look, I made this marking,” he says as he points at the little line on the wall.  
“So that means we’re going in circle,” Colton cries.  
“But that doesn’t make any sense,” Pepito groans, “with the directions we took, we couldn’t have ended up in an old tunnel. Unless we’re just completely turned around.”  
“What does your danger meter say now, Squee?” Carmen asks.  
He looks around nervously, clutching Shmee to his chest. “I have a very bad feeling.”  
“Alright, everybody calm down,” Pepito demands, “we’ll just go back.”  
They take a deep breath and follow Pepito through the last tunnel. They come to an intersection. They take a left and stop abruptly.  
“No way,” Colton whimpers.  
“It’s that same mark!” Carmen exclaims as she points at the wall.  
“That can’t be right,” Squee squeaks, “how could we come back to this tunnel?”  
“Okay, okay. Let’s just go down this tunnel then,” Pepito suggests. They nod and follow him.   
They walk quietly, their nerves completely shot. What if they’re totally lost? What if they never make it out?  
They stop when they see the tunnel starts angling downwards.  
“It didn’t go down before, did it?” Carmen asks.  
“Look at the wall,” Squee exclaims, “there are no markings anymore.”  
“Something weird is going on,” Colton mutters.  
“Let’s keep going,” Pepito grunts.  
They go deeper into the tunnel, the darkness threatening to swallow them up if it wasn’t for their trusty flashlight.  
Which suddenly turns off.  
“Pepito!” Squee squeals.  
“Shit. It must be out of batteries,” Pepito growls as he tries to flick it on and off.  
“Oh no. We’re gonna die down here,” Carmen whimpers.  
“We’re not going to die. Everybody just needs to stay calm and stay together,” Pepito demands.  
“What do we do now?” Colton asks.  
“We gotta keep moving.”  
“But we’re going deeper underground,” Carmen points out.  
“Pepito’s right,” Squee says, “we can’t just stand around.”  
Carmen sighs and nods, “fine. Let’s go.”  
They start to walk when they suddenly hear a loud cracking sound.  
“What was that?” Colton asks.  
“Oh no,” Squee sighs.  
The ground collapses beneath their feet. They scream as they plummet into the deep, dark hole.  
This fall lasts much longer than the previous one. To the point where it almost seems pointless to scream for so long. But they hit ground eventually.  
They groan loudly in pain as they sit up.  
“Anyone dead?” Pepito asks.  
“No,” they reply.  
“Any broken bones?”  
“No.”  
“Good,” he sighs, “now nobody move. Let me find you.”  
Pepito crawls on his hands and knees and feels around for the others. His hand suddenly brushes against a crack in the floor. He stops and runs his finger along it. It’s thin, smooth, and circular like some kind of door.  
“Hey, guys, I found something,” he announces, “come to me.”  
Squee, Colton, and Carmen crawl along the floor, following the sound of Pepito’s voice until they meet up together.  
“What did you find?” Squee asks.  
“I think it’s a door,” Pepito replies, “help me open it.”  
They all start pushing on it. It starts to slowly give away. One more big shove forces it open, unleashing an extremely bright light. They exclaim with surprise and cover their eyes.  
When their eyes have adjusted, they look through the doorway. Wherever it leads, it’s bright and completely blue.  
“What is it?” Carmen asks.  
“I don’t know,” Colton replies.  
“Let’s find out,” Pepito smirks.  
They stand up and jump through the hole.  
They exclaim with surprise when the fall doesn’t last nearly as long as they thought it would. The door closes behind them and they land right on it. Instead of falling down, they seem to have fallen up.  
“What just happened?” Carmen asks. They look around and realize they’re in the middle of a street, surrounded by buildings. They’re back in the city.  
“But-but how?” Colton stammers, “we-we fell down. We were deep underground. How-how could we have fallen up? How did we end up on the surface? And where’s the door?”  
Pepito looks at the road they just fell through and sees nothing but pavement. No door.  
Squee sighs and lies down on the road. “I give up.”  
After they get over the shock, they stand up and walk each other home.  
“Sorry this turned into a troublesome fiasco, Carmen,” Squee says.  
“Aw that’s okay,” she smiles, “it was… exciting. And I learned a lot about our city. We should hang out again. But maybe at somebody’s house.”  
“That sounds good,” Pepito sighs.  
They drop off Carmen at her apartment and then Pepito at his house. It doesn’t take Squee and Colton long to make it back home after that. They wave goodnight to each other as they go through their front doors.  
“I’m back,” Squee calls.  
“Hey,” Johnny says, “how was it?”  
Squee sighs and falls onto the couch, resting his head on Nny’s lap. “Exhausting. But I still had fun.”  
“Did something interesting happen?” he asks.  
“Does something interesting ever not happen?”  
Johnny cocks his eyebrow and shrugs, “I’ll take that as a yes.”


	17. Pepito Loves Squee

Pepito parks his bicycle at the bike racks. He stretches and looks around. The girls of his class have finally gotten the message that he’s not interested and stopped swarming him. But they still greet him and talk to him. And Pepito- being the polite young man that he is- always addresses them back.  
“Morning, Pepito,” Jessica chimes.  
“Good morning, Jessica,” he smiles and her heart melts.  
“How was your weekend?” she asks.  
“It was… interesting,” he replies, “what about you?”  
She starts rambling on about some gossip that Pepito only half listens to. He keeps his content smile plastered on his face until he sees Squee walk into the Skool yard. Then it transcends into a full blown grin of pure happiness.  
“Gotta go. Later, Jessica,” Pepito says, cutting her off as he walks away.  
“Oh, okay. Bye,” she mutters.  
Pepito walks over to Squee, his mind reeling. This is it. Today’s the day. I’m going to finally ask him. I’m done psyching myself out. Today will be the day.  
“Hi, Squee,” Pepito chimes.  
“Hello, Pepito,” Squee smiles and his heart melts.  
They start walking up to the Skool together. Pepito seems like his normal, cool self, but on the inside he is freaking out.  
Do it. Ask him. Do it now!  
“So, Squee,” he croaks, “I was just wondering um…”  
He suddenly stops when he makes eye contact with Squee. His big, beautiful brown eyes are looking right him. His adorable face is full of curiosity. He’s just… so… precious.  
And it makes Pepito choke.  
“I-I was… just… wondering…” he mutters, “how you’re weekend was.”  
“Oh. It was good,” Squee replies, “after the craziness of Saturday I just stayed in all day Sunday.”  
“Yeah, me too,” Pepito chuckles. On the outside he’s smiling, but on the inside he’s beating himself up.  
They walk through the halls of the Skool to their lockers. But Pepito suddenly stops when he spots Zim and Dib. They wave good morning to Squee as he passes by. Pepito heads straight for them when he’s gone.  
“Hey, guys,” he grunts.  
“Hi, Pepito,” Dib greets. Zim half waves.  
“I need some advice.”  
They look at him curiously.   
“With what?” Dib asks.  
“Whatever it is, you have come to the right place,” Zim declares.  
“I hope so,” Pepito sighs, “um… so for a while now… I’ve kind of… sort of… had a pretty big crush… on Squee.”  
“Yeah, we know,” Dib states.  
“You did?” he exclaims.  
“Well, yeah. You do everything in your power to stay close to him,” he points out, “it’s kind of obvious.”  
“Oh,” Pepito mumbles, “well this should be easier then. How do I ask him out?”  
“Huh?” Dib questions.  
“I’ve been trying to ask him out on a date,” Pepito explains, “but I just can’t. Every time I try he just looks at me with those big, brown eyes looking all adorable and I just choke. I get all tongue tied. The words just won’t come out.”  
“Why are you coming to us with this?” Dib asks.  
“You guys are the most functional relationship I know about,” he replies, “so how did you end up together?”  
“Um, well long story short, the world was in danger, we decided to work together to save it, we ended up spending a lot of time together, and it just sort of happened.”  
“I see. So I have to put the world in danger,” Pepito muses.  
“I wouldn’t go with that option,” Dib argues.  
“I think you should just ask him,” Zim states.  
“Weren’t you listening? I can’t,” Pepito snaps, “that’s why I’m here.”  
“No, I was listening,” Zim grunts, “and you said you get tongue tied when you look at how adorable he is. So just don’t look at him.”  
“But I wanna project confidence.”  
“You’re talking to Squee. Compared to him, you’d project confidence even if you were curled up in a ball in the corner.”  
“Okay, point,” Pepito nods.  
“You should also wait until after Skool,” Dib adds, “if you manage to ask him out now, neither of you will be able to focus all day.”  
“Right, right,” Pepito agrees, “okay, today will be the day. After Skool I will ask him out. You’ll see.”   
“We believe in you,” Zim grunts apathetically as he closes his locker.  
The bell rings and everyone sets off to class.  
The morning passes by calmly. First there’s homeroom and English with Miss Sweeties and then history with Ms. Bitters. After that it’s lunchtime. The boys sit at their usual table in the cafeteria.  
Dib, Zim, and Pepito stare questionably at their lunch. It’s supposed to be chicken but it’s probably not even meat. Squee happily eats his bag lunch.  
“You should share that,” Zim demands.  
“No way,” Squee grunts, “if you don’t like the cafeteria food then just bring your own lunch.”  
“That would be too simple,” Pepito grunts as he pokes his lunch with a spork.  
Gaz walks in and sits down next to Dib.  
“Hey, you,” Pepito snaps, “what were you doing on Saturday that was so damn important you couldn’t even manage a ‘hello’?”  
“What?” Gaz questions then realizes. “Oh, you mean when you called me. I was meeting someone.”  
“Who?” Squee asks.  
“Ivory Shutin,” she replies.  
“What?” Zim questions.  
“She beat me in the final battle of the Battle Battle Footy Kick 2 Tournament,” she clarifies, “I had to meet her.”  
“What was she like?” Dib asks.  
“Nothing like I thought,” Gaz replies, “she’s actually your age and she goes to our Skool.”  
“Really? Is she in our class?” Squee asks.  
“I don’t think so. She doesn’t seem to interact with people very much. She even eats her lunch in the boiler room.”  
“The boiler room? Isn’t that where all the losers hang out?” Pepito scoffs.  
“That’s debatable,” Gaz shrugs, “she seems like a cool person. I told her to come eat in the cafeteria today. If she doesn’t, then I’ll track her down.  
“Wow, you are a tyrant,” Dib comments.  
Gaz glances at the door and perks up immediately when she sees Madeleine walk in. “That’s her.”  
The boys all look curiously.  
“Maddie,” Gaz calls and waves at her. Maddie walks over hesitantly. She sits down next to her and stares nervously at her knees.  
“I wasn’t sure if you’d actually come,” Gaz says.  
“Me neither,” Maddie mutters.  
“Okay, so, guys, this is Madeleine,” Gaz states, “Maddie, this is Zim, Dib, Squee and Pepito.”  
“Hi,” Squee smiles.  
“I like your hair,” Pepito comments.  
“Um thank-thank you,” Maddie mumbles.  
The air is rather awkward and quiet for a second. Maddie hesitantly puts her bag lunch on the table and opens it.  
“Look, Madeleine brings her own lunch,” Squee observes.  
“She doesn’t eat in the cafeteria,” Dib points out, “she’d have to pack a lunch.”   
“Nevertheless, I will admit bringing lunch from home is a good idea,” Zim says, “if only Skoodge knew how to cook.”  
“What about Gir?” Pepito questions.  
“He can cook but only Earth food. He’s not very good at preparing Irken food, ironically enough,” Zim replies.  
“Irken food?” Maddie questions.  
The boys all flinch.  
“Uh um Irken is a special kind of food,” Dib says quickly.  
“Right, right. It’s really rare,” Zim nods.  
“It’s like organic and hard to prepare,” Pepito adds.  
Squee just stays quiet.  
“See,” Gaz grunts, “I told you they were idiots.”  
The bell rings and everybody leaves. Gaz walks with Maddie through the hall.  
“Um, thank you for inviting me to lunch,” Maddie says, “it was fun.”  
“You should come more often,” Gaz suggests.  
“M-maybe,” she smiles nervously.  
The rest of the day is uneventful. The last classes are math and science with Mr. Serene. They’re always really slow.  
As the time of the final bell looms closer, Pepito continuously squirms in his seat. He keeps glancing at the clock.  
I’m gonna do it. As soon as Skool is over, I’m gonna ask him. I will. I really will this time.  
After what seems like an eternity, the bell finally rings. Everyone packs up their things and quickly leave.   
Pepito and Squee stop at their lockers to drop their books off. Pepito continuously glances at Squee, his heart pounding.  
Ask him. Ask him. Ask him. Ask him.  
Squee closes his locker and smiles at him. “See you tomorrow.  
“Uh, right. See you,” Pepito mutters.  
Squee walks away and Pepito just stares into his locker, defeated.  
Somebody suddenly grabs the back of his shirt and shoves him down the hall. He turns around and looks at Zim.  
“Go, stupid!” he snaps and points at Squee.  
Pepito winces and chases after Squee.  
He catches up to him in the Skool yard. “Squee, hold up.”  
“Yes?” he questions and turns around.  
Pepito flinches. He looks at the ground and takes a deep breath. “I was just wondering… tonight… if you’re not busy… do you… maybe… wanna go on a date with me?”  
Squee’s face lights up with a bright blush. He looks away and scratches his neck. “Uh um… s-sure.”  
“Really?” Pepito exclaims happily, “then-then how about at seven? We can um we can meet at that restaurant you like, Café Latte, then go from there?”  
Squee nods, his eyes fixed to the ground.  
“Cool. Then see you later,” he waves.  
“See you,” Squee mutters and walks away.  
Pepito beams excitedly as Dib and Zim suddenly appear beside him.  
“You actually did it,” Dib smiles and pats his shoulder. “Good job.”  
“Yeah. I got a date with Squee!” he chimes. Then his smile suddenly disappears and his face fills with fear. “I got a date… with Squee.”  
“What’s wrong?” Zim asks.  
“I got a date with Squee.”  
“Isn’t that what you wanted?”  
“Well, yeah, but,” Pepito stammers, “but what am I going to do? What am I going to wear? I don’t know what to do!”  
Meanwhile, Squee approaches Johnny’s car looking relatively calm. He climbs into the passenger seat, his face blank.   
But as soon as Johnny asks him how his day was, panic hits him like a baseball bat.  
“Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no,” Squee whimpers as he covers his face with his hands.  
“What’s wrong?” Johnny asks, bewildered.  
“Pepito asked me out. I got a date with Pepito. Tonight!” he squeals.  
“What?” he exclaims.  
“I don’t know what do to!”

“You got a date with Pepito?” Devi exclaims, “that’s great!”  
“Maybe,” Squee mumbles.  
“Aw, there’s no need to be nervous,” Tenna says reassuringly.  
“There’s every need to be nervous! All the needs!” Squee exclaims, “I’ve never been on a date before. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to act?”  
“Just act like yourself,” Devi says.  
“You don’t understand. This entire situation is ridiculous!” Squee snaps, “I’ve hung out with Pepito a dozen times. But now we suddenly label it as a ‘date’ and I’m plagued with all kinds of useless thoughts. Like what am I going to wear? And should I do something with my hair? What should we talk about? Where should we go?”  
“Okay, Squee, you need to settle the fuck down,” Johnny orders.  
“I can’t!” Squee cries and collapses face first into the couch.  
Devi, Tenna, and Johnny look at him curiously. They glance at each other and sigh.  
Devi kneels next to couch, by Squee’s head. “What time is the date?”  
“Seven,” Squee replies, his voice muffled by the couch cushion.  
“That gives us plenty of time,” Devi smiles, “what do you wanna do? Do you wanna go to the mall and maybe get some new clothes?”  
“What? That’s dumb,” Johnny snaps, “he shouldn’t dress in something new for something as trivial as a date.”  
“Dates aren’t trivial,” Tenna argues.  
“And going out to a place as terrible as the mall isn’t going to calm him down,” Johnny points out, “he should stay in and try to settle his nerves.”  
“Oh, yeah, because being alone with his thoughts is totally going to calm him down,” Devi grunts sarcastically.  
“He won’t be alone. And he can do something to distract himself, like play games or watch TV,” Johnny argues.  
“That’s your answer to everything,” Tenna scoffs.  
“Because they’re distracting.”  
Squee looks up at them and watches them argue for a second before he snaps.  
“You guys are no help!” he shouts with frustration as he jumps to his feet and walks out the door. “I’m gonna talk to Colton.”  
They stare after him for a second before Tenna scoffs. “Like Colton will be more help than us.”  
Squee sits on the curb and waits patiently. He and Colton have a silent agreement. ‘Whenever one bro sees the other bro sitting on the curb, the first bro is obligated to go sit with him, no matter what he’s doing.’ This is their special spot when they can talk about anything or just enjoy each other’s company as bros.  
Colton quickly leaves his house and joins him on the curb. “What’s up?”  
“I have a problem,” Squee replies.  
“I’m all ears, dude.”  
“I have a date with Pepito.”  
“Really? That’s so cool!” Colton exclaims.  
“But I don’t know what to do!” Squee squeals, “I’m totally freaking out!”  
“Whoa, bro, chill,” Colton says, “what’s wrong?”  
“I’ve never been on a date before. I don’t know how to go about it.”  
“I don’t think it’s that hard,” Colton mutters uncertainly, “but I’ve never been on one before so what do I know.”  
Squee sighs miserably.  
“I’m sorry, Squee.”  
“It’s okay. Thinking about it now, I don’t know why I thought you could help,” Squee shrugs.  
“If it’s any consolation, Pepito is probably freaking out too,” Colton points out.  
“No way,” Squee scoffs, “Pepito’s too cool for that. I mean, it’s just a date with me. He has no reason to be nervous.”  
Meanwhile, Rose Diablo watches nervously as her son scurries around his bedroom, a look of pure panic and despair on his face.  
“Pepito, honey, you need to calm down,” she says for the fifth time in an hour.  
“I can’t, Mom,” Pepito exclaims, “I need to find something to wear. And I gotta do something with my hair. But-but I’ll be wearing my beanie anyway, so what’s the point. But I gotta figure out what we’re gonna do and where we’re gonna go. Tonight has gotta be perfect. What am I going to do?”  
He opens his closet and throws out all of his clothes as he tries to find something nice to wear. He rushes to his mirror and plays around with his hair. Then he pulls on his beanie and plays around with that. He just can’t relax or sit still. His nerves won’t allow it.  
And that’s how Pepito and Squee spend their few hours before their first date.

Johnny drives Devi, Tenna, and Squee to Café Latte. Squee is sitting quietly in the back.  
He didn’t dress up in anything new or different. He’s still wearing the same thing he wore all day. He tried to calm down over the last few hours, but to no avail. His thoughts are mess and his heart is beating nervously. He just hopes he doesn’t screw this up somehow.  
Johnny pulls the car over and everyone gets out. Squee immediately spots Pepito standing a few feet away, leaning against the wall. He didn’t dress up either. This is a big relief to Squee.  
“Good luck,” Devi chimes.  
“Have fun,” Tenna smiles  
Johnny just ruffles his hair. The three of them walk into the café, leaving Squee outside.  
Pepito sees him and stands up as he walks over.  
“Hi,” he smiles.  
“Hi,” Squee mutters.  
“So uh I was thinking we could stop somewhere for food and then maybe walk around a bit?” Pepito suggests, “I um I know this place that makes some pretty good crepes.”  
“Sure,” he nods and they take off.  
It’s pretty awkward at first. It’s quiet and the only time they break the silence is to make small talk for the sake of breaking the silence.   
But after a while they loosen up and talk like they always do. This may be an awkward transition, but they started out as friends so they’re used to hanging out. Once they stop trying and worrying so much, everything feels easy.  
They stop at the crepe place and get some chocolate crepes to go. They wander around a bit more, munching on their snack and chatting about everything and anything.   
They start crossing an overpass, but Squee suddenly stops and looks around. From this bridge, looking left and right, you can see so much of the city. One side is dark while the other side is lit up by the sunset. It looks so pretty.  
“You know, I really love this city,” Squee smiles, “despite all the crazy things that happen here, I don’t think I could live anywhere else.”  
“Me too,” Pepito says, “this place is great.”  
They sit on the edge of the overpass and watch the sunset together.  
“So… I-I don’t mean to bring up an awkward subject- except I kinda do,” Pepito stammers, “but are-are we a… couple now?”  
“I-I guess,” Squee shrugs, “I mean, if you wanna be.”  
“I want whatever you want.”  
Squee takes a deep breath. “I don’t really know what being a couple entails. Except for what I learned from TV, which is mostly a needless increase in physical contact and useless jealousy.”  
“We don’t have to be a couple like every other couple,” Pepito points out, “we can do whatever we want with our relationship. It doesn’t have to be seen as ‘traditional’ in other people’s eyes. In fact, it already isn’t.”  
“I like that,” Squee smiles, “so what should we do now?”  
“How about we walk back to Café Latte, holding hands?” Pepito suggests.  
“Sure, okay,” he nods.  
They stand up. Pepito offers his hand to Squee. He slowly takes it and they hold each other, their fingers interlaced.  
They smile at each other and start walking.  
“Look, I know you’re like really nervous about physical contact, or any sort of contact really,” Pepito says, “I can tell you’re already really nervous with just holding hands. I can feel your pulse going really fast.”  
“Oh, jeez,” Squee murmurs.  
“But it’s okay,” he smiles, “we can go as slow as you like. As long as you’re happy, then I’m elated.”  
“Thanks, Pepito,” Squee smiles back.  
They walk quietly for a few minutes. Holding hands feels a little weird for both of them, especially Squee. It’s kind of itchy and a little sweaty. But it’s also warm and comforting.  
“Okay, so, physical contact is somewhat undetermined,” Squee says, “and I think we can both agree that useless jealousy is off the table.”  
“Agreed,” Pepito nods, “I’m not gonna keep you from hanging out with other people.”  
“Same,” he agrees, “but what about other couple stuff?”  
“What, like pet names?” Pepito questions, “do you want a pet name?”  
“Not really, no,” Squee replies, “do you?”  
Pepito considers it. “Uh no.”  
“Okay, so no pet names,” Squee declares.  
“What about that whole ‘you hang up, no you hang up’ spiel on the phone?” Pepito asks.  
“You can hang up first.”  
“Why?”  
“I have a problem with hanging up first,” Squee admits, “what if I hang up first but the person on the other line wasn’t actually done talking and they get angry? Or what if they wanted to tell me something at the last minute and I hang up and they call me back? Then hanging up would’ve been pointless.”  
Pepito laughs, “you’re so cute.”  
“My social ineptitude is cute?” Squee questions.   
“Didn’t you hear? Social ineptitude is the new black.”  
Squee laughs. They giggle with each other as they near Café Latte.   
Meanwhile, inside the café, Johnny angrily prods at his pastry with a fork.  
“What are you so mad about?” Samantha asks, “Squee’s on his first date! You should be proud.”  
“Ah, first dates,” Tamika coos, “so precious. Do you guys remember yours?”  
“Yes,” Devi grunts, “it didn’t go well.”  
“Mine either,” Samantha sighs.  
“Mine either,” Tamika admits.  
“Mine either,” Jade groans. And so goes the mantra for the rest of the Café Latte waitresses.  
“I wouldn’t care about his first date,” Johnny says, “well, okay, I might. But he’s out with Pepito.”  
“Well, I can see how that might be upsetting, what with him being a boy,” Samantha muses.  
“What’s that got to do with it?” Johnny questions.  
“You mean you’re not bothered that they’re both boys?” Jade asks.  
“Look, I don’t care if Pepito is a boy, a girl, or a fucking bird,” he snaps, “he’s an annoying little douche and if Squee didn’t like him so much I would’ve snapped his head off a long time ago.”  
“So let’s say their date works out,” Devi says, “will you not support their relationship?”  
“I’m not gonna keep Squee from doing something he wants to do,” Johnny replies, “even if it involves that grease ball. But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna make it easy on Pepito.”  
“You’re such a good parent,” Tenna smiles. Johnny just grunts in reply.  
The bell rings and everybody looks up as Pepito and Squee walk in, holding hands and laughing. They quickly let go of each other when Pepper greets them.  
“Welcome,” she smiles, “would you like the couples smoothie?”  
“Couples smoothie?” Pepito questions.  
“It’s a big smoothie with two straws,” Squee clarifies.  
“So, what, we’d drink from the same glass? Sounds uncomfortable.”  
“It does.”  
“But I can’t stay long anyway,” Pepito sighs, “my mom wasn’t thrilled about me being out on a Skool night. I told her I’d be home before ten. But I had fun.”  
“Me too,” Squee smiles.  
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he waves as he walks to the door.  
“See you.”  
Squee waits until Pepito’s gone before sitting down next to Johnny. He stares at his hand. It feels kind of empty without Pepito holding it.   
He suddenly perks up when he notices everyone is staring at him.  
“So how did it go?” Devi asks.  
“Fine,” Squee replies.  
“Just fine?” Samantha questions.  
“Where did you go?” Jade asks.  
“Did you kiss?” Tamika asks.  
They all immediately back off when Johnny shoots them a glare.  
“It was fun,” Squee says.  
“What’s your relationship status?” Tenna asks.  
Squee considers the question. He looks back at his hand and wiggles his fingers. “Intrigued.”  
“Huh?” she questions.  
“You gotta complicate everything, don’t you?” Devi scoffs.  
“I don’t complicate anything,” Squee disagrees, “I just look at it differently. Besides being in a relationship might not be so bad. At least if it’s with Pepito.”  
“We’ll see,” Johnny grunts.  
Squee smiles and stares more at his hand. It feels empty but he can still recall Pepito’s warmth.  
This feeling. It’s new and it’s weird. But it’s really not so bad.


End file.
